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First Court Hearing - any help?
#1
Hi All,

So long story cut short - I have my first hearing for a court order this Friday to gain access to my child. CAFCASS gave me a ring, I received the form just now...it's got biased information all over it. She has only now made false claims I have assaulted her in the past and emotionally abused her. Instead the opposite is the truth, and trying to be a man, I just want to forget her and see my child. Of course she knows what she is doing in terms of delaying access and throwing in obstacles.  Am I right I will just be deferred to a full hearing? Im scared a solicitor will cost too much money. Any body had any success with a lying scallyag mother who will say all she can to stop you access?  Or will it really be like the horror stories, no access, many years, lots of money and then child's childhood is over anyway? Any advice, or pointers to useful info would be appreciated. 

Thanks in advance,
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#2
Dear Lots

A lot of us on these forums, myself included, have had the same things levelled at us, and had to jump through all sorts of different hoops. You can win access - I did - and a lot of other guys did as well.

One good piece of advice I can give is NEVER to refer to the mother as it, her, etc - but either as your childs mother, and make sure that they know you are not there for a fight, but to really just get to see your child like a normal father. Irrespective of what is said about you, this is a FAMILY court, and she has to prove it 100% - you dont even have to defend yourself in this, but you can always agree to disagree.

Invis
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
(12-04-2017, 03:20 PM)invisibleintellectual Wrote: Dear Lots

A lot of us on these forums, myself included, have had the same things levelled at us, and had to jump through all sorts of different hoops.  You can win access - I did - and a lot of other guys did as well.

One good piece of advice I can give is NEVER to refer to the mother as it, her, etc - but either as your childs mother, and make sure that they know you are not there for a fight, but to really just get to see your child like a normal father.  Irrespective of what is said about you, this is a FAMILY court, and she has to prove it 100% - you dont even have to defend yourself in this, but you can always agree to disagree.

Invis

Hi Invis,

Thanks for your reply,  the trouble is, the cafasss guy said any allegations will have to be considered...so if she keeps stating false things about me and why I shouldn't see my son....surely this turns into a fight? If I don't fight back with nothing but the truth, then they will only have her point of view in an already biased towards mothers world. 


If I can't say "she" can I say "abusing piece of lying shit I hope dies slowly?"  Rolleyes

Cheers
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#4
Lol. So you have the Cafcass report and first hearing is on Friday. Invisible Intellectual is right - you have to come across as a steady person who is not mud slinging and only want to see your child. So making accusations back (even if true) won't do any favours. Also for some bizarre reason - if a Mother makes allegations, contact is witheld while they are looked into, but if a Father makes true allegations the child still lives with the Mother (assuming child lives with Mother mostly). If you have any evidence she is lying (ie an email threatening to make allegations or hostility or whatever) you could maybe send it to Cafcass before the hearing. I think there is an option to respond to the report as well, but I'm not sure - someone else might know. If you were able to respond you could write a brief, formal reply expressing shock and disbelief at the allegations made, asserting that they are not true and enclosing anything you have by way of evidence.

At the hearing Cafcass will make recommendations. If they continue to feel they have to look into things further they may suggest a Section 7 report - there would then be a further hearing after they've looked into things which could be a few months and they will then report what contact should be considered.

What you mustn't do is fight. Or you will be tarred with the same brush - or she will say it's evidence of your hostility - it will be used against you. Write down what you would really like to say, but behave like the normal well behaved one and say the allegations are spurious and you only wish to spend time with your son.

If it goes to a Section 7 report, you aren't likely to see him for a few months. You can offer to have contact in a contact centre and that may be ordered. Until they find there is no evidence about what your ex is saying.

Look at the details. She claims you have assaulted her in the past. If that was the case, did she call the police and is there a record? No - because it didn't happen. Did she go to the Doctors with injuries? No because it didn't happen. The irony is, she is emotionally abusing you and the children by making false allegations. Cafcass won't find any evidence - it is a delaying tactic. You could try getting a half hour's free legal advice before the hearing.
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#5
Thanks Charlie,


Yeah I've took a week off work to gather my evidence (although I know evidence is for a later stage) and mention the facts. I will be calm in the courtroom, I've held my nerve for years already despite the horrible shit she has put me through, she would love me to react, but I never have, I know even a single swear word or raising my voice would of played into her hands. So if Im slanting her on here, well, why not eh.

I can't help but feel the whole system is broken within the family courts. Any other court, and it would be called perverting the course of justice. I mean, where is the incentive not to make false allegations? there is no punishment? in fact, I and my son are punished instead and I have to pay for it.

And if the section 7 report is written by a social worker, then I might as well go into the court room with a fake bomber jacker and two knifes strapped to my hands (joking). I've dealt with social workers before regarding my child when she (Childs mother) had him on the at risk register. I had to contact my MP and head of social services just to get them doing there job almost properly for a minute. The cafcass report already goes into detail about her lies, but my evidence based conversation is hardly mentioned, plus it is full of bias towards her, with words like "to her credit" etc etc. It is not objective at all.

First thing ill be putting forward is that I want the person from cafcass replacing and investigating for connections. It reminds me of the social worker when my ex was into drugs and being reported by her neighbours and friends for leaving a 2 year old child in the house alone all night whilst she got intoxicated..."well, she has told me she won't do it again, so I don't see the requirement for further worry". There s a long list of stuff like that, meanwhile I have other children, a happy family, no issues, no crime record, and a nice place for the child in question to live. Did I ever get considered by social services? Did they ever ask...wheres the father? no, my MP had to warn them about my parental rights. They are a joke, apologies if anybody here his a social worker, but all the ones I dealt with were more concerned about where the next tea and cake was coming from. And so after already encountering bias towards the mother in the past and now already at this stage, how am I supposed to have faith in this system to do what is best for the child.

One question I can't seem to find the answer to - after this, will I have to pay for each court hearing? or does the initial application fee pay for it all?

Thanks for reading my rant, LOL.
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#6
I think the fee is for the application so should cover both hearings. I wouldn't necessarily ask for Cafcass person replacing at this stage - it might go down badly. My experience of first hearing is the Cafcass Officer is not the same one as did the phone interview. And seemed to believe the Mother. But I did get an interim order (because I pushed for it). I think at a final hearing there is an opportunity to call a Cafcass person for questioning. I'm sure others on here will advise about first hearing and the kind of things to do and say.
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