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Private School Fees - ex pays little I pay a lot, can it stop
#1
A wealthy relative of my ex pays for my child to go to private school, my ex and I could never afford the actual fees. Initially I was  told that I would only have to pay for dinners at the school but my ex is now adding clubs, societies, extra curricular activities and the bill for those keeps mounting. And I am left to pay it, even though I can hardly afford to, and even though when I have told the ex this, she has said she'll pay some or one of her close relatives will - they never do.

I was very naieve taking the (verbal assurance) in the first place I know and wasnt clear what the school's "joint and several" contract meant. I thought the exact opposite of what it really means - I thought we would be jointly liable. But no it means they can chase one or both parents. And the one that ends up paying is me.

Yes I was stupid and I am paying the price but what can be done to reduce the extras bill? (The school fees themselves are still being paid by ex's relation).

At the moment the school only needs one parent to sign up to any extras.
Should I write to the school and ask them if that can be changed to both our signatures.

If the schools says no, only needs one? Would mediation help? Or do I have to go to court and let judge decide?

Would that be risky as he may say I have to pay more than I do.

There MUST be someone else or others who have an idea - please help as the financial burden is maing me feel depressed and even at times suicidal.

Many thanks.

PS: I dont know if it has any bearing but we were never married and never lived together
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#2
Woah... this is wrong

You pay child maintenance ... that all you need to pay... anything else is voluntary and should not put you in a position where you feel suicidal

Get to the school and sort this out ... no joint signatures... no agreement.. end of

Of course they (she is manipulating it?) are chasing you... they don't want to annoy the relative paying the main bill but you are being blackmailed... wake up a little

Watch episode 1 of The Inbetweeners ... his mum and dad split up and they can't afford the school bills so he ends up the posh kid in the local comprehensive... that's life mate.

Of course you want your kid to have the best in life but her relative is choosing to help... can't send him to a 5* school and expect him to eat crisps... the relative can pay ... as you said he would never have gone to that school anyway ... you and the ex will need to make a hard choice and guess what? She may not like it but kid will be OK



Again... please listen to this... you pay child maintenance.. that is you LEGAL OBLIGATION ... EVERYTHING ELSE is voluntary .... its voluntary contribution the relative makes ... it does NOT come with conditions

You are not responsible for the financial decisions your ex or her relatives make

You cannot be possibly responsible for someone else's earning potential or savings account... you do not need to contribute above your level of ability.... this is crazy

PS - how you paying these fees? Direct to school or to the ex in cash or her account bank transfer? if its the latter, you have a serious problem, she is pulling the wool over your eyes
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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