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What should I do?
#1
Ok interim order says I pick son up at his Mother's after school at x time (she picks him up from school, I pick him up from her house half an hour later.  Son has arrived saying I have to pick him up an hour later than x time next week because he is going to an after school club.  This means an hour and a half after school is finished.

After school club is for parents who can't pick their kids up at the usual time.  He is supposed to be with me that night.  So seems she is not available to pick him up at 3.15 so has booked him into after school club, picking him up an hour later and me going to her house half an hour after that.

No consultation from her - just a message via son.  I was tempted to let it go as it's the run up to Christmas and don't want to get into arguments or stress son.  But two things.  I can see this could keep happening.  And also I would be in breach of the order if I didn't turn up at her house at x time as usual - unless I have something in writing confirming she has made this change. I can just see her saying - she didn't tell me anything and I wasn't there.

Between hearings and mediation and am having no contact with her at all, even by email, so I guess it means a xxxx Solicitor's letter to get something in writing.  She probably wouldn't reply to an email anyway.

Sometimes I just don't know how to even get a brief letter sent - like - if you aren't available to pick him up from school on that night then I should.  She would say but court order says you pick him up half an hour later and i'm not there so it has to be an hour and a half later.

What do you do? I have a booking a few days later straight after school so I really need this sorting so it doesn't happen again.
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#2
Heck I think I'm cracking up - I am going round in circles trying to think what to do and just getting stressed. It's hearing her words coming out of kid's mouth.

So order says a set time from Mother's house. Which do I go with? The time? Or the location? I guess the wording of the order leaves grey areas. She will say it has to be from her house because that's what the order says, and she won't be there till x time.
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#3
Ok am just going to send a short email asking her to confirm the change, and offer the alternative of picking him up from school earlier. That will cover me. Although I am dreading a vitriolic response.
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#4
Probably a bit late now, but I would recommend playing hardball: in situations like this you can justifiably fear that if you give an inch they will in no time take a mile. Personally I would have emailed her to say that your son had said something about being late next week, but she needs to remember that there is a court order in place that both of you are obliged to meet, and so you will expect to pick your son up at the place and time stated by the court. You then add that if she wants to try and suggest changing it then you’re willing to listen and be cooperative - however, she can’t dictate a change, and if you don’t both agree or your hear nothing then you will be on time, and if your son isn’t there then she is breaking the court order and you will tell the court this at the first opportunity. I would also tell her that using your son as a courier to send messages like this is not acceptable either.

Even if you have emailed her now asking confirmation of the change next week and saying that you are willing to pick him up from school earlier, I’d still do a follow-up email making clear that this is a one-off and then state something on the lines of what I’ve written above. I’ve found that my ex generally doesn’t give a damn what my views are no matter how reasonable I try and be, but if she thinks that she is going to be shown to have disobeyed the court she gets a bit more nervy. After a year of putting up with her crap, the fact that I finally have something that she takes a bit of notice of is a blessed relief!
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#5
Thanks. The list gets longer. Just had a 3 page Solicitors letter full of fabricated nonsense. Can't even be bothered to respond to it - it's a response to a response letter. And a bill from the council for the musical instrument she stole! I signed for it for son's lessons so the bill has come to me. Had a Solicitors letter sent asking her to return it and no response.

I agree with the hardball thing - only thing is I was criticized by Cafcass at first hearing because they believed her when she said I was inflexible (pot calling kettle) because I made a fuss over a couple of hours once. So I don't want to be accused of that. Will word it carefully and say I agree to an hour later pick up on this occasion or alternatively I can pick son up from school as she is unavailable, which would be preferable. I will get a 3 page rant at that suggestion.

I wish she would get nervy - she just gets more hostile and maverick - works on son and makes further false accusations.
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