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Police etc
Hi all

not sure if anyone has any experience of this but I went to the police after leaving my ex (due to DV against me)

it looks like they will not be proceeding with the case.

my question is, can the ex use this against me in family court? the Police said just because they aren't proceeding doesn't mean it didn't happen so...?
I’ve had this same thing. Unfortunately if she keeps the allegations going there is little you can do to stop her. My ex is still going on about it even though mine got as far as the CPS and then they decided there was to be no further action.

In my case the judge has now asked for a full schedule of allegations from her with dates and most importantly PROOF. It has been left for her to prove them rather than me defend them. Of course, up to date there has been no proof as non of the allegations are true.

Best advice I’ve learned from this forum is to just be the better person and let her dig an even bigger hole. It’s frustrating but up until the last hearing, even if she could have proved any of her allegations, non had an effect on my ability to be a good dad - up until then, even in the court statements and what she’d told the police, she said there had never been any violent or physical abuse. Now she is saying I was regularly physical violent towards her and the kids - I’m sure the court will see through it - the fact this has suddenly appeared and contradicts everything she’s said in the past to me seems like she’s admitting telling lies!

Good look and don’t let it get to you, just focus on what’s best for the kids.
If the cps don't proceed then I hope that's it. If she keeps saying I lied to the police then she'll have to prove it. The police say they believe me but don't have enough to proceed with charges against her.
She's been calling into question my mental health (with no evidence) so she may use that "he's mental look what he made up"
Mine also is accusing me of mental health issues. The court ordered a report from my GP and it came back as no issues - all sorted then - no!
She is now saying I must have hidden my mental health issues from the GP and that she (the ex) has read up about it and so has diagnosed me with Narcissism and split personality disorder.
Oh well - looking forward to seeing when she qualified as a doctor - she kept that qualification very quiet for 14 years!
As I say, she has to prove the allegations - would a doctor say you have mental health issues? If not then nothing to worry about. If they may then you must have been to get help for it so again nothing to worry about.
Exactly this^^^ .... she can say what she wants... court will listen to her but without a professional diagnosis... its just her opinion. Don't enter into the mud slinging. Just smile.. family court is about your kids not about you or your ex's dislike of each other.

Court can order a referral if they want but the ex giving a diagnosis is about as much use as you calling her a 'crazy b*itch' .... its just opinion. She would need a letter from a Psychiatrist and like any other medical condition, she cannot get one... as its your health not hers so you would have to agree to share with her any diagnosis... or a court order to get one... it's all a game....

In my own case, the ex told the court I'd been diagnosed with mental health issues ( I never have)... so i submitted a signed letter from the professional who had "diagnosed me" saying that they had never done such a thing and they were not qualified to do any diagnosis

Making up a diagnosis of mental health issues about me ...was one of her lowest moves.... but not the lowest!
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
The police/criminal courts have a different standard of evidence (beyond reasonable doubt) to the family courts (balance of probabilities). So it's possible for a finding to be made in family court even when the police don't pursue it.

I went to the police twice about my ex but decided not to press charges. I also called SS about her emotionally abusing the kids. When it came to the CAFCASS report, it helped that I had reported stuff.

Bear in mind though that just because your ex is violent to you, doesn't mean they believe she is an unfit mother. (yes, it's a double standard as you'd have huge problems if you'd been hitting her, but it is what it is). Keep focussed on what's good for the kids, not fights between you and her.
^^^ what do they say...?
If you do not mention what you later rely on in court

Same in family courts... getting to the hearing and coming out with stories of DV, judge will look at you and ask if it was reported or if you just trying to win the judges sympathy

Best report it especially if it impacts the kids... as it will look very strange if things are raised in court for the first time
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"

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