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Frightened
#1
Hello, I have 3 young daughters that live a long way from me I had an informal agreement with my ex to call them on the telephone on certain days and at certain times she had chosen to suit her that was fine by me, however I'd say more than 75% of the time there was no answer or when she did answer she'd say they are busy and don't want to speak to me, for example they were watching their favourite film on the TV. A coincidence, maybe, although seems a bit of a convieient that she put a favourite DVD on when she knew I was due to call.
Anyway the last time I got through on the telephone Sat 1st July this year, she told me that I could no longer contact my daughters as her solicitors had advised her I should not have contact with them, and I had to contact her solicitors which I have done on many occasions and still I cannot get in contact with them. The last time I spoke to any of them was 28th June when I spoke to one of them for about 1 minute on the phone.

But now it's been so long since I have had any contact with them I am actually afraid now, I really don't know what to do, I pay my maintenance regularly every month I never miss, I love my daughters dearly and I often cry over the situation I am in, I feel so alone and don't know where to turn, I have no one to talk to about my position. Maybe I am just a rubbish dad and I don't deserve to have children and they are better off without me, I just feel at my wits end and totally confused about my situation.
Does anyone have any advice for a shy dad with no confidence left in his father qualities?
Thanks
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#2
yes contact mediation immediately 2moro. if that fails take her to court and get access to your 3 children as soon as possible. people will help u on this forum and u can represent yourself.
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#3
The law says that children have a right to significant time with both parents. Just because they live with the ex doesn't mean she can stop them being involved with you. So be confident - your daughters need their Dad - deep inside. You don't know what has been said to them - she may not tell them that you call.

What is the history/length of time? It helps to know what you can expect. Have you been at a distance a long time or just recently? How long have you been divorced/separated? Did she move away or did you? Have you seen them at all since you split up?

Are there any court orders as part of divorce of child arrangemets (I'm guessing not as you said informal arrangement with your ex).

As W1 says - make an appointment at mediation asap. You can actually just ask the mediator to sign you off. You need that to apply to court. The application costs £215 and you can expect a first hearing within 4 to 6 weeks. You would need to think what to ask for when putting the application in and say something like - we separated on ex date, my former wife moved 200 miles away last year and agreed for me to have phone contact 2 or 3 times a week but this is not happening. I have not seen my daughers since x date or spoken to them since May. I wish the court to make a child arrangements order for my children to stay with me, and for indirect contact by phone twice a week. Ideally I would like to commence a schedule as follows:

First 3 months: One day a fortnight with them in their home town.
Following 3 months: One week-end a month for them to stay with me plus a day a fortnight as before, in between, so they see me every two weeks.
After 6 months: One week-end a month, one day a fortnight and half the school holidays with some time at Christmas and Easter.


That's just a suggestion but others may come up with something better.
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#4
That's sucks bro I'm sorry to hear what's going on...look you pay your child maintenance and you love your kids and by right you should have contact with your kids....so as the guys said mediation then court. You can do this bro and this site will help you I'm sure. Good luck
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#5
(12-12-2017, 09:35 PM)NewHill123 Wrote: Hello, I have 3 young  daughters that live a long way from me I had an informal agreement with my ex to call them on the telephone on certain days and at certain times she had chosen to suit her that was fine by me, however I'd say more than 75% of the time there was no answer or when she did answer she'd say they are busy and don't want to speak to me, for example they were watching their favourite film on the TV. A coincidence, maybe, although seems a bit of a convieient that she put a favourite DVD on when she knew I was due to call.
Anyway the last time I got through on the telephone Sat 1st July this year, she told me that I could no longer contact my daughters as her solicitors had advised her I should not have contact with them, and I had to contact her solicitors which I have done on many occasions and still I cannot get in contact with them. The last time I spoke to any of them was 28th June when I spoke to one of them for about 1 minute on the phone.

But now it's been so long since I have had any contact with them I am actually afraid now, I really don't know what to do, I pay my maintenance regularly every month I never miss, I love my daughters dearly and I often cry over the situation I am in, I feel so alone and don't know where to turn, I have no one to talk to about my position. Maybe I am just a rubbish dad and I don't deserve to have children and they are better off without me, I just feel at my wits end and totally confused about my situation.
Does anyone have any advice for a shy dad with no confidence left in his father qualities?
Thanks


Hi,

Let me just say, right from the start, that you are NOT a rubbish Dad. If you were, then you wouldn't care about what was going on with your kids.

Secondly, this is NOT your fault. You've been put into this situation by your ex, who is using your children as a means to inflict pain on you. She's using your love for the kids as a means to abuse you. And she's picked a bloody good weapon to use - our children are like Dad Kryptonite.

And thirdly - you're NOT alone. We're all here for you. I in particular have virtually the same situation to you - I haven't heard a word from any of my three in months, and my ex isn't letting me see them at all this Christmas. However what you've experienced pales mine by comparison - and the fact that you still keep going just proves what a good Dad you truly are.

My advice? Get a child contact order in ASAP. There's lots on this forum about doing it - I'm personally going through my Solicitor, but it can be done yourself. Have a search under "C100 form".

But don't give up hope - you will see your kids again. You've just got to keep strong and keep going.
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#6
Get into court ASAP. I'd phone up a mediator for an appointment tomorrow if possible so you can get your MIAM certificate (which the courts require before they'll accept proceedings). Then get proceedings issued straight away. The longer you let it fester, the worse the outcome is likely to be.

Taking my ex to court was the best decision I ever made, I only wish I'd done it sooner. Weirdly it has improved things between us as she knows she can't just make decisions on her own any more as she knows she won't get away with it.

If you can afford it, get some counselling as well. It sounds like you could to do with someone to talk to about your mental state. No shame in that, and the right person will really help you get on your feet and ready to deal with your ex's nonsense.
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#7
(12-12-2017, 09:35 PM)NewHill123 Wrote: Hello, I have 3 young daughters that live a long way from me I had an informal agreement with my ex to call them on the telephone on certain days and at certain times she had chosen to suit her that was fine by me, however I'd say more than 75% of the time there was no answer or when she did answer she'd say they are busy and don't want to speak to me, for example they were watching their favourite film on the TV. A coincidence, maybe, although seems a bit of a convieient that she put a favourite DVD on when she knew I was due to call.
Anyway the last time I got through on the telephone Sat 1st July this year, she told me that I could no longer contact my daughters as her solicitors had advised her I should not have contact with them, and I had to contact her solicitors which I have done on many occasions and still I cannot get in contact with them. The last time I spoke to any of them was 28th June when I spoke to one of them for about 1 minute on the phone.

But now it's been so long since I have had any contact with them I am actually afraid now, I really don't know what to do, I pay my maintenance regularly every month I never miss, I love my daughters dearly and I often cry over the situation I am in, I feel so alone and don't know where to turn, I have no one to talk to about my position. Maybe I am just a rubbish dad and I don't deserve to have children and they are better off without me, I just feel at my wits end and totally confused about my situation.
Does anyone have any advice for a shy dad with no confidence left in his father qualities?
Thanks

Hi, i sympathise with your situation, my sister is going through a simular situation to you. Her 8 year old was removed from her care last december and has lived with her dad (my sisters ex) ever since. She has not seen or heard from her daughter since April 2017. He refused to attend mediation and she had her first court hearing last month. A section 7 report was ordered and next court date is February 2018. meanwhile my sister is allowed weekly emails with her daughter until then. He seems to be winning as from January to March social services suggested fortnightly contac ( working towards overnight contact) with weekly phone calls. That soon fizzled out when social services closed the case.
My sisters ex claims her daughter doesnt want to see or phone her, rubbish those two were like two peas in a pod.
hope your situation gets sorted soon.
take care
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