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Ex has had multiple partners since split. Should I worry?
#1
Hi all,

A quick question about something that has been bugging me for a while.

My ex and I split up a few months before my child was born. In my opinion, the split was always going to happen as she is possessive, obsessive and frankly untrustworthy.

Now just a few months after giving birth, less than year after we split, she gets into a relationship with a guy I had never met before and they are soon moving in together. He is subjected to a background check as his own ex was making things difficult for him to see his own son, which came back all-clear. That relationship ends after about 18 months.

Almost immediately, she gets into another relationship with someone it seems she has just met. They do not move in together formally yet he is spending a lot of time with my child with me not knowing the first thing about him. That ends after under a year.

With little time passed, the same happens with another man who I know even less about. That relationship has now ended and now she is talking about moving in with a 'friend'.

In all this time, I have travelled twice a month at weekends to see and spend time with my daughter, hopefully making it clear to her that I am her father.

Now, I know about my ex's background and family issues and why she seemingly needs the validation that comes from a relationship, but I can't help but worry about the effect this may have on my child. I worry that this will lead to an unstable environment for her to grow up in, or worse, leave her vulnerable to someone with ulterior motives.

I plan to get a background check done on this next person anyway given they will be living with my child, but I just wan't to know, do you think this is something I need to worry about? This is starting to look like a pattern, which wouldn't bother me if my daughter wasn't in the middle of it.
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#2
Seems like she is going through them....that can't be easy for your daughter. I'm not sure how it works with background checks....but if you can keep getting them checked. And try an see her as much you can. That all you can do I think...just be there for her and be the best dad you can for her.
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#3
Thanks scottb, that is useful advice.

I am back on here as I wanted to give an update to this situation and ask for some more advice.

When I first posted this thread, my ex told me of her possible plans to move in with her friend, who just happens to be male, in a few months. She told me a couple of weeks ago that that will be moving for definite in a few weeks. In response, I suggested that I meet with or talk to the person who will be living with my child just so I can get the measure of him and hopefully reassure my daughter's grandparents (my parents) that things will be OK when I tell them what is going on.

The problem however is that he refuses to see or talk to me which has set off alarm bells in my head because I am wondering why. Does he have something to hide? I need to talk to my ex in more detail about this soon, but I wanted to run things past the forum beforehand. Am I being paranoid? Is it normal to want to know more and about and talk to a stranger living with your separated child? Is my ex being naive about what could go wrong?

She claims they have been friends for a few years (after we split, natch) and that he effectively babysits my child when she is out of the house, the thing is that while my daughter has not exhibited any negative changes in behaviour during this time. I just feel that having this person move in is a different proposition and one that frankly I am not all that comfortable with.

Any comment or suggestions would be genuinely welcomed, thanks.
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#4
You can do a Sarah's Law check on them at your local police station if you feel that badly, this will flag up if there are any child protection issues.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#5
Even though you like to know about the other partner, she has gotten the freedom to be with whoever she wants to be. Like you don't want to ask permission from the other who you are spending time with when your child is around. It would bother me if my ex wanted to meet a girlfriend. She actually tried though, putting in the parenting plan that she would have to meet anyone I would be considering as a girlfriend. I can tell you that the mediator didn't thought that was a fair request. So just hope she makes the right choices and as long as your are loving to your daughter and a good listener, if life with her mum is disturbing, she might want to live with you when she is getting older. From what you describe of the behaviour of your ex, she doesn't seem one men would like to stick with.
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