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My ex is not letting my parents see my children
#1
Having recently split up from my ex for almost a year now, things as expected have not been plain sailing and although things have calmed down a little bit recently there is still a lot to sort out which is what I am now coming to...

When I was with my ex I had no family members around me as her family were close by and my family lived in a different part of England so my parents used to visit every so often for a few days at a time which was fine. However, over time my ex started to dislike my parents and I was often put in the middle of all this which was not nice. Then when we split my children stayed with my ex and I got my own place and although I get to see my children fairly regularly, things did break down which resulted in legal action, mediation and an application to the court which has been adjourned a couple of times. 

As my parents do not live nearby and come to visit maybe 2 or 3 times a year, they naturally want to see their Grandchildren and after a recent visit from my parents my ex flatly refused to let my children see them. I even wrote her a nice, but stern letter to her asking if she would reconsider to let my children see my parents for just a couple of hours but all I go back was one of many nasty and spiteful text messages saying that she will never ever let our children see my parents again and they can pass away without seeing them again, which I thought was a diabolical and despicable thing to say. My parents are in their mid 70's and they drive hundreds of miles to see not only myself but my children which my ex won't let them see them. My parents were naturally upset, especially my Mother but I really did not know what else I could do.

In hindsight I shouldn't of told my ex that my parents were visiting and then I could of arranged to have my children with me when my parents arrived, but I didn't want to make things worse again as things have been getting better. That would of only infuriated her once she had found out and then I would be back to square one again which no doubt would involve further costs through my solicitor. I did think about going to their school and pick them up with my parents but I thought that would be a bad idea as I didn't want to cause a scene, especially in front of young children.

I felt so bad that my parents did not get to their Grandchildren this time around, and if they ever will. Surely my ex cannot stop my children from seeing them? My ex did say to me that my children (I have 3 under 9) do not want to see my parents but I think they are too young to understand and I hate to think what poison they have been put in their minds about me and my parents from not only my ex but from her family as well. I would never force my children to do anything that they don't want to do but I think when it comes to seeing Grandparents even it it's for a very short time, that is something we must all do. I just think that my ex was so determined not to let my children see my parents anyway and did not give my children any choice and painted my parents in such a bad light that my children did not have any say in it, which is a real shame and when they are old enough to understand then they can decide but by that time it could be too late.

Does anybody have any suggestions what I can do or is it a matter for the court to decide?
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#2
(12-18-2017, 09:16 AM)Secret-squirrel100 Wrote: Having recently split up from my ex for almost a year now, things as expected have not been plain sailing and although things have calmed down a little bit recently there is still a lot to sort out which is what I am now coming to...

When I was with my ex I had no family members around me as her family were close by and my family lived in a different part of England so my parents used to visit every so often for a few days at a time which was fine. However, over time my ex started to dislike my parents and I was often put in the middle of all this which was not nice. Then when we split my children stayed with my ex and I got my own place and although I get to see my children fairly regularly, things did break down which resulted in legal action, mediation and an application to the court which has been adjourned a couple of times. 

As my parents do not live nearby and come to visit maybe 2 or 3 times a year, they naturally want to see their Grandchildren and after a recent visit from my parents my ex flatly refused to let my children see them. I even wrote her a nice, but stern letter to her asking if she would reconsider to let my children see my parents for just a couple of hours but all I go back was one of many nasty and spiteful text messages saying that she will never ever let our children see my parents again and they can pass away without seeing them again, which I thought was a diabolical and despicable thing to say. My parents are in their mid 70's and they drive hundreds of miles to see not only myself but my children which my ex won't let them see them. My parents were naturally upset, especially my Mother but I really did not know what else I could do.

In hindsight I shouldn't of told my ex that my parents were visiting and then I could of arranged to have my children with me when my parents arrived, but I didn't want to make things worse again as things have been getting better. That would of only infuriated her once she had found out and then I would be back to square one again which no doubt would involve further costs through my solicitor. I did think about going to their school and pick them up with my parents but I thought that would be a bad idea as I didn't want to cause a scene, especially in front of young children.

I felt so bad that my parents did not get to their Grandchildren this time around, and if they ever will. Surely my ex cannot stop my children from seeing them? My ex did say to me that my children (I have 3 under 9) do not want to see my parents but I think they are too young to understand and I hate to think what poison they have been put in their minds about me and my parents from not only my ex but from her family as well. I would never force my children to do anything that they don't want to do but I think when it comes to seeing Grandparents even it it's for a very short time, that is something we must all do. I just think that my ex was so determined not to let my children see my parents anyway and did not give my children any choice and painted my parents in such a bad light that my children did not have any say in it, which is a real shame and when they are old enough to understand then they can decide but by that time it could be too late.

Does anybody have any suggestions what I can do or is it a matter for the court to decide?

The bad news is that in law, unless the Grandparents have been involved as Foster Parents they have no rights, and more important, they would have to seek permission to make a Court Application.

That being said, it is not your ex partners decision on what the children want, and given their ages they will say what she tells them. That is why when a case goes to Court, Cafcas are put in as a Guardian and they speck to the children to put forward what they want, and also put their expert view to Court, as to what the outcome should be.

What might be needed is a variation of your Order, to increase your time, and in that Order, it to cover the Grandparents having sometime. However, this depends on what amount of time you are currently getting.

The Max time  you can get is every other weekend, Friday till Sunday, and Half School Holidays. This would get you

3 x Half Terms, what would normally be 4.5 days, over what would be the normal weekend. Perhaps they could visit and have the children if your at work on a couple of days.

Easter and Christmas. Normally school is closed for 2 weeks and a weekend, so you would get 8 days. Maybe you have 4 days ish, and let them take them to where they live for part of it.

Summer, schools close for 6 weeks and a weekend (plus Insert Days), so about 23 days. Perhaps a holiday where they also come along, or again, maybe let them take the children for a week of your time.

What you need to do, is ensure that the Court Order says that due to Grandparents living a distance away, you want it accepted by the court, that there can be visits to them, in your time, with or without you present.

You might also want to put them into contact with the Grandparents Association.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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