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Christmas games
#1
New to the forums, perhaps I need some people who can understand my frustration.

Agreed verbally that the ex would have the 1st week of the Christmas holidays and my three kids would be with me the 2nd week.
I have made plans to go along with this but she now claims that she did not agree to this and she wants the kids on Christmas day and Boxing Day and for me to have the children for the rest of the two week period.

In the past this type of thing has happened a great deal and so I have repeatedly asked that e-mail be used so no confusion can exist, however she refuses point blank to do this and will only make verbal agreements that she later denies and/or changes.

A further problem is that when this happens she tells the children that it is me not sticking to arrangements, putting the blame on me. I don’t wish to cause the children upset or confusion by involving them and wont, but feel that I am being made out as the bad guy in this.

I would also say I would love to have the kids with me as much as possible, however I was made redundant on medical grounds and so am living on a very low income, to the point I rarely use heating when the kids are not with me, I do not drink go out or have any sort of social life all money goes in relation to the kids.

Given that I thought we had arrangements I acted on that assumption and I hate to say this but I cannot afford to have them with me the whole period. I should also point out when we divorced I signed over a large property to my ex, I make more than the required financial contribution for my kids and they would normally stay with me alternate weekends and Wed/Thu each week, despite only having a two bedroom property to live in, the bedrooms made up for the kids while I use the living room as my bedroom.

My ex is fully aware of my situation and I feel her actions are very much being able to put me down and exerting control. I have repeatedly tried to insist that arrangements are made via e mail but she just will not do it.

I feel terrible that I am not able to do more for my children even though I know I am doing all I can, it is just bringing me down so much.
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#2
(12-18-2017, 04:18 PM)NIRich Wrote: New to the forums, perhaps I need some people who can understand my frustration.

Agreed verbally that the ex would have the 1st week of the Christmas holidays and my three kids would be with me the 2nd week.
I have made plans to go along with this but she now claims that she did not agree to this and she wants the kids on Christmas day and Boxing Day and for me to have the children for the rest of the two week period.

In the past this type of thing has happened a great deal and so I have repeatedly asked that e-mail be used so no confusion can exist, however she refuses point blank to do this and will only make verbal agreements that she later denies and/or changes.

A further problem is that when this happens she tells the children that it is me not sticking to arrangements, putting the blame on me. I don’t wish to cause the children upset or confusion by involving them and wont, but feel that I am being made out as the bad guy in this.

I would also say I would love to have the kids with me as much as possible, however I was made redundant on medical grounds and so am living on a very low income, to the point I rarely use heating when the kids are not with me, I do not drink go out or have any sort of social life all money goes in relation to the kids.

Given that I thought we had arrangements I acted on that assumption and I hate to say this but I cannot afford to have them with me the whole period. I should also point out when we divorced I signed over a large property to my ex, I make more than the required financial contribution for my kids and they would normally stay with me alternate weekends and Wed/Thu each week, despite only having a two bedroom property to live in, the bedrooms made up for the kids while I use the living room as my bedroom.

My ex is fully aware of my situation and I feel her actions are very much being able to put me down and exerting control. I have repeatedly tried to insist that arrangements are made via e mail but she just will not do it.

I feel terrible that I am not able to do more for my children even though I know I am doing all I can, it is just bringing me down so much.

How are your current arrangements in place? Court, Mediation or just agreed between yourselves?
This will depend on the way forward
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
(12-18-2017, 06:06 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(12-18-2017, 04:18 PM)NIRich Wrote: New to the forums, perhaps I need some people who can understand my frustration.

Agreed verbally that the ex would have the 1st week of the Christmas holidays and my three kids would be with me the 2nd week.
I have made plans to go along with this but she now claims that she did not agree to this and she wants the kids on Christmas day and Boxing Day and for me to have the children for the rest of the two week period.

In the past this type of thing has happened a great deal and so I have repeatedly asked that e-mail be used so no confusion can exist, however she refuses point blank to do this and will only make verbal agreements that she later denies and/or changes.

A further problem is that when this happens she tells the children that it is me not sticking to arrangements, putting the blame on me. I don’t wish to cause the children upset or confusion by involving them and wont, but feel that I am being made out as the bad guy in this.

I would also say I would love to have the kids with me as much as possible, however I was made redundant on medical grounds and so am living on a very low income, to the point I rarely use heating when the kids are not with me, I do not drink go out or have any sort of social life all money goes in relation to the kids.

Given that I thought we had arrangements I acted on that assumption and I hate to say this but I cannot afford to have them with me the whole period. I should also point out when we divorced I signed over a large property to my ex, I make more than the required financial contribution for my kids and they would normally stay with me alternate weekends and Wed/Thu each week, despite only having a two bedroom property to live in, the bedrooms made up for the kids while I use the living room as my bedroom.

My ex is fully aware of my situation and I feel her actions are very much being able to put me down and exerting control. I have repeatedly tried to insist that arrangements are made via e mail but she just will not do it.

I feel terrible that I am not able to do more for my children even though I know I am doing all I can, it is just bringing me down so much.

How are your current arrangements in place? Court, Mediation or just agreed between yourselves?
This will depend on the way forward

Hi MarkR

Just between us.
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#4
I left my children with my ex and moved out, access was fine until new boyfriend appeared, now every holiday most of the time she has the children. My son now mentioned they're buying a house together, so I've went for court order as my son is spending more time with her & new boyfriend (This was not part of the verbal agreement). She does as she please with holidays, despite me stating the Xmas day was a am/pm split she is off and away with them, I have no idea when I'll see them as she is not replying to email/text. Just beware the unexpected I thought we had an agreement, how wrong I was.
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#5
(12-18-2017, 06:41 PM)Locheil Wrote: I left my children with my ex and moved out, access was fine until new boyfriend appeared, now every holiday most of the time she has the children.  My son now mentioned they're buying a house together, so I've went for court order as my son is spending more time with her & new boyfriend (This was not part of the verbal agreement). She does as she please with holidays, despite me stating the Xmas day was a am/pm split she is off and away with them, I have no idea when I'll see them as she is not replying to email/text.  Just beware the unexpected I thought we had an agreement, how wrong I was.

So does a Court Order exist right now?
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#6
Not net, I only received a copy of the lawyers polite letter today, apparently you have to go mediation (Even in Scots law?) by law...well that'll be a waste of time, she can't even spell reason, let alone obey it!
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#7
I understand your plight.

Some people are now staring to acknowledge things like this.

See - https://www.cchpr.landecon.cam.ac.uk/new...al-housing

If you read the header it refers to incomes defining contact. Sad state of affairs and even sadder that change is not likely to happen soon.

Don’t let her boss you around. Might be a good idea to get your contact defined by the courts in the long run. You may get a reduction or have the fee waived if on a low income. Xmas day can be shared if you’d like that.
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#8
From what i am reading. It looks like xmas is out of the equation and that is probably to hurt you. all agreements are done verbally with her as u then have no proof and its her word against yours. it seems like once xmas is over she will probably hopefully go back to letting you seeing them again. its not nice and i am going through the same thing , but there isnt much u can do about xmas now and this is happening to so many other dads including myself that just want to see their children xmas day.
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