Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Ex won’t allow my partner near my Daughter, I can see her as much as I want otherwise
#1
Star 
Hi All, I have posted earlier in the year but it was a very different situation then. I’ll try and be brief and simplify the following as much as I can. 

My ex wife and I were together for 15 years since school. The time came in April last year that I’d had enough of the relationship and left, knowing she was 5 weeks pregnant - I couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer and certainly couldn’t because she was pregnant, I felt that the child would be better off growing up with us having already separated and not to put her through any separation at a later date. 

We went through all of the mediation for divorce, etc and I’d left her everything to do wth the house and accepted a very small payment off her when it was finalised. During the time we were separated I paid her more than half of the mortgage every month and then when my daughter was born I agreed to pay the mortgage in full for 12 months. The 12 months has now passed and I’ve verbally agreed to pay her the equivalent of what I need to through ssp and around half of her childcare costs as my Ex has gone back to work 3 days a week (a lot of money!). I’ve always paid for extra clothes, food, nappies, etc on top too. 

Since my daughter was born my ex has been great in allowing me to spend as much time as I can/wanted with my daughter but was adamant that I wasn’t allowed to take her out and especially anywhere near my partner (we’ve been together since May last year) when I was allowed to, it was only in her pram. I see her on a Tuesday and Thursday evening and have her all day on a Saturday but only ever at my Ex’s house (my old house). This has put huge strain on my current relationship of around 18months now but my new partner is still as supporting as she can be. My daughter has just turned One and is the happiest baby alive!!

My ex still won’t allow me to take my daughter anywhere near my partner saying ‘it can be anyone else but not that slag’ and it really isn’t fair on my daughter, my Saturdays with her and limiting the amount of Things I can do with her and the lack of quality time with her. I’ve offered to have my daughter for full weekends but she won’t allow it because of my partner, constantly accusing me of choosing my partner over my daughter but would allow me to have her if my partner wasn’t on the scene. 

I feel now that there’s no option but seeing a solicitor and applying for a court order but wanted to see if anyone else had any other ideas first as the last thing I want is to ruin the ‘okay-ish’ relationship I have with my ex at the moment. 

Thanks for reading and thanks to any responses in advance.
Reply
#2
Firstly, seeing a solicitor is a good Idea. Remember to choose well and of course someone that is a family law specialist. You will get the first half an hour of advice free. In the long run, solicitors are expensive and that is not something that you want to get into (personal experience) so you will want to represent yourself at least in part, which is not as difficult as you think.

Your solicitor will tell you (most likely) that you need to go to mediation - that is standard when domestic violence is not indicated. That's a good idea. The bottom line however is that your ex is controlling. Even without your girlfriend, it is not a sustainable situation that you keep turning up to your ex's house to see your daughter. Is that going to happen when she gets a new man? Is the only place you are going to see her the house? It needs to move on and the first thing is advice from the solicitor but when you get it, I think it should be you making the initial and friendly approach to the ex by text asking for mediation rather than drop a solicitor in the middle of this sticky situation.
Reply
#3
(12-23-2017, 01:42 PM)Chi21965 Wrote: Firstly, seeing a solicitor is a good Idea. Remember to choose well and of course someone that is a family law specialist. You will get the first half an hour of advice free. In the long run, solicitors are expensive and that is not something that you want to get into (personal experience) so you will want to represent yourself at least in  part,  which is not as difficult as you think.

Your solicitor will tell you (most likely) that you need to go to mediation - that is standard when domestic violence is not indicated. That's  a good idea. The bottom line however is that your  ex is controlling. Even without your girlfriend, it is not a sustainable situation that you keep turning up to your ex's house to see your daughter. Is that going to happen when she gets a new man? Is the only place you are going to see her the house? It needs to move on and the first thing is advice from the solicitor but when you get it, I think it should be you making the initial and friendly approach to the ex by text asking for mediation rather than drop a solicitor in the middle of this sticky situation.


Thanks for the response, I’m glad that you see and understand my point too. I’ve tried discussing it with her but she just blames me still for the break up - telling me that it was my choice. 

Its highly probable that she wont go to mediation and I definitely need to find a better solicitor than the one who handled my divorce, even when it was as straightforward as it could be. 
Reply
#4
(12-23-2017, 01:42 PM)Chi21965 Wrote: Firstly, seeing a solicitor is a good Idea. Remember to choose well and of course someone that is a family law specialist. You will get the first half an hour of advice free. In the long run, solicitors are expensive and that is not something that you want to get into (personal experience) so you will want to represent yourself at least in  part,  which is not as difficult as you think.

Your solicitor will tell you (most likely) that you need to go to mediation - that is standard when domestic violence is not indicated. That's  a good idea. The bottom line however is that your  ex is controlling. Even without your girlfriend, it is not a sustainable situation that you keep turning up to your ex's house to see your daughter. Is that going to happen when she gets a new man? Is the only place you are going to see her the house? It needs to move on and the first thing is advice from the solicitor but when you get it, I think it should be you making the initial and friendly approach to the ex by text asking for mediation rather than drop a solicitor in the middle of this sticky situation.


Thanks for the response, I’m glad that you see and understand my point too. I’ve tried discussing it with her but she just blames me still for the break up - telling me that it was my choice. 

Its highly probable that she wont go to mediation and I definitely need to find a better solicitor than the one who handled my divorce, even when it was as straightforward as it could be. 
Reply
#5
(12-23-2017, 10:28 AM)completelyconfused Wrote: Hi All, I have posted earlier in the year but it was a very different situation then. I’ll try and be brief and simplify the following as much as I can. 

My ex wife and I were together for 15 years since school. The time came in April last year that I’d had enough of the relationship and left, knowing she was 5 weeks pregnant - I couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer and certainly couldn’t because she was pregnant, I felt that the child would be better off growing up with us having already separated and not to put her through any separation at a later date. 

We went through all of the mediation for divorce, etc and I’d left her everything to do wth the house and accepted a very small payment off her when it was finalised. During the time we were separated I paid her more than half of the mortgage every month and then when my daughter was born I agreed to pay the mortgage in full for 12 months. The 12 months has now passed and I’ve verbally agreed to pay her the equivalent of what I need to through ssp and around half of her childcare costs as my Ex has gone back to work 3 days a week (a lot of money!). I’ve always paid for extra clothes, food, nappies, etc on top too. 

Since my daughter was born my ex has been great in allowing me to spend as much time as I can/wanted with my daughter but was adamant that I wasn’t allowed to take her out and especially anywhere near my partner (we’ve been together since May last year) when I was allowed to, it was only in her pram. I see her on a Tuesday and Thursday evening and have her all day on a Saturday but only ever at my Ex’s house (my old house). This has put huge strain on my current relationship of around 18months now but my new partner is still as supporting as she can be. My daughter has just turned One and is the happiest baby alive!!

My ex still won’t allow me to take my daughter anywhere near my partner saying ‘it can be anyone else but not that slag’ and it really isn’t fair on my daughter, my Saturdays with her and limiting the amount of Things I can do with her and the lack of quality time with her. I’ve offered to have my daughter for full weekends but she won’t allow it because of my partner, constantly accusing me of choosing my partner over my daughter but would allow me to have her if my partner wasn’t on the scene. 

I feel now that there’s no option but seeing a solicitor and applying for a court order but wanted to see if anyone else had any other ideas first as the last thing I want is to ruin the ‘okay-ish’ relationship I have with my ex at the moment. 

Thanks for reading and thanks to any responses in advance.

If you have PR, then you are on the same Legal Standing as your ex.
If your Contact is on Court Order, you outrank her in the time the Court has put the Child in your case.

She has no legal say in what you do, or who the child comes into contact with. All she has the right to do, is as a person with PR, a Sarah's Law application, and if that flags up any issues, then use that as evidance to obtain a PSO stopping the subject coming into contact with the Child.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#6
Hats great, thanks for the information - I’ll arrange for a Solicitor in the new year and go from there. I was supposed to be having my daughter on Boxing Day but she’s banned me from taking her to my parents now and expects me to stay in an empty house all day whilst she goes out.
Reply
#7
(12-24-2017, 05:23 PM)completelyconfused Wrote: Hats great, thanks for the information - I’ll arrange for a Solicitor in the new year and go from there. I was supposed to be having my daughter on Boxing Day but she’s banned me from taking her to my parents now and expects me to stay in an empty house all day whilst she goes out.

Pick her up as normal, and take her. If she says anything  tell her only a Court PSO Order can stop you taking the child near set people.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#8
Excellent, thanks very much for your help.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)