Newly separated, long time coming

[Dekker]

Hi all,

So today my wife and I had a chat about us and how we felt about each other and we agreed that our marriage was not making us happy. We have two small kids (girls, 5 and 2) who she had arranged to be out of the house when we had the chat thankfully. We have both been unhappy for a long time now on and off but I suppose I never thought it would come to this. Now that we have agreed to split all I can remember are the good times and they make me cry on a hair trigger. She mentioned that she had come to a decision a couple of weeks ago so fair play to her for holding on to it and not spoiling xmas for the kids.

Anyway within 3-4 hours of the chat I moved out to my mums who loves 5 mins away as we agreed that was the best thing to do. The chat was very amicable and in fact the best we have got on for months. My number one priority is making sure the kids aren't affected by any of this and therefore I am committed to maintaining a good relationship with my wife first and foremost. I realise that this is a lofty ambition but I am clinging to the hope that in the future we will be one of those cool divorced couples who are good friends and can spend time together occasionally with the kids without feeling the need to commit bloody murder.

Am I naive? Possibly but I feel its important to make a supreme effort to be friends for everyone's sake. Luckily there is no specific incident that has caused this breakup (that I know of) so I cross my fingers and pray that it goes as planned.

We have already arranged days where I will look after the kids during January and she is keen that I spend time with them every other weekend plus occasional weekdays. I think that has helped me transition quickly from the status quo to the new situation as I have something to look forward to and if I'm honest I will probably appreciate the time with the girls that much more knowing that its limited.

Anyway I'm blah blahing and I realise that I haven't actually asked a question. I think I just needed to get my thoughts out in words to help me accept the situation.

Thanks for listening!

[watsa64]

Anyway within 3-4 hours of the chat I moved out to my mums who loves 5 mins away as we agreed that was the best thing to do.

The advice is not to do this. It may disadvantage you both financially and regards access to your children.
I would seriously reconsider this offer and speak to a solicitor. Some do 30 minutes free but I would pay for an hour.

[Dekker]

(12-27-2017, 09:49 PM)watsa64 Wrote: Anyway within 3-4 hours of the chat I moved out to my mums who loves 5 mins away as we agreed that was the best thing to do.

The advice is not to do this. It may disadvantage you both financially and regards access to your children.
I would seriously reconsider this offer and speak to a solicitor. Some do 30 minutes free but I would pay for an hour.

Hi,

Thanks for the advice. I'm a bit scared to do this because I don't want to upset the apple cart and it might confuse the kids if I move back home etc. In any case I am not spending any more money than I would at home so the impact financially is zero at the moment. As for access in theory I could just go back home whenever I wanted unless she changed the locks of course but I am trusting her not to do that.

I'll speak to her this week about how I am taking a big risk moving out and see where it goes.

Also I think i can get free legal advice through work, I'll check that out also.

[watsa64]

The financial impact is not zero as you're paying for a house you're not living in.
It sounds as she's driving the whole process and you are going along with it. You need to see a solicitor as soon as possible to discuss your options.

[mrbungle]

as people have stated get the ball rolling, I supported my ex financially out of guilt, it bit me on the A45e in court as they stated I could afford to carry on even though I was spending my savings, the ex then took me to court when i was out of the country for when I stopped this and the judge found in her favour(maintenance pending suite) and ordered me to carry on supporting her and awarded the costs against me until the FDR..

its a hard painful line to take but in the long run it will benefit you. She needs to get a claim in for housing etc asap. But as others have said go and speak to an expert.

ps the apple cart isn't upset yet...wait until the money is being sorted out and then it will be well and truly tipped over !