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Advice needed re: Parent Alienation.
#1
Where to start???

I separated from my partner back in March 2015, we have a little boy together who is now 3 years old.
I left the family home, as we grew apart, there was constant friction between my ex and members of my family, friends, even work colleagues. I don't know the issues but I can only put it down to being in a controlling relationship.

I went along with what was happening for as long as I possibly could, and it came to a point that enough was enough.

I have been denied access in the past, and my hand was forced to go to the courts and obtain a child arrangements order.

Since then the relationship with my ex has been not very good, I've had threats of suicide (including taking my son with her), which Social Services seemed to see nothing wrong with....

Lately my little boy has been asking questions regarding members of my family, "why doesn't mummy like Nanna?" "Mummy says nanna is a pig" etc.

and the latest one was "My mummy says i'm going to get a new daddy".

I'm not writing this as a jealous outburst, I understand that there will be another man in my son's life - I am just concerned about the upbringing he is receiving, and whether this constitutes mental child abuse?

Advice would be appreciated.
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#2
Hi, sorry to hear about your situation. As far as i can see most situations like this are because the mother is controlling and can not accept that someone else has some form of control over something. Although im not as far down the line with the court process as you i can see this is exactly what is going to happen in my case as the mother is exactly the same. I havent had a contact order yet as she just will not turn up to court or acknowledge it.

If she is anything like my ex then she will be doing that to try and hurt you which you probably know already. But she will also be playing the game that your son should have a daddy in his life (just not particularly you). My ex did this with her other child. She got rid of her dad and then moved on with someone else which is fair enough, but she then started letting her think and call him her dad. The reason she was happy to do this and not let her actual dad be involved was because the replacement dad had no real say or control over anything to do with her child and couldn't question it or complain if he wasnt allowed to see her or do anything with her, i.e. the mother has all the control.

As for your question yes it is emotional abuse to alienate a child from their parent in this way. Parental Alienation is getting more recognised but at the moment i wouldnt say everyone is on the same page with this. So getting something done about it is probably going to be quite hard. Is she sticking to the court order? What do you currently get?

There are people that have a lot more knowledge than me that will come along and reply at some point im sure.
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#3
This all sounds very familiar to me too. My daughter who is 4 says she doesn't like my parents (who are great with her and my other kids) and even hits/kicks them when I'm out of the room. The statements my daughter makes aren't statements she or any 4 year old would say and I know this behaviour is being driven by Mum. My ex-partners behaviour is very damaging to our kids and I know this but it's very difficult to prove. If she had marks on her (god forbid), there would be obvious signs of physical abuse which could be proven in court, but the mental abuse they are being subjected too is just as bad and it's very difficult to recognise by anyone who doesn't know them and spends regular(ish) time with them.

To be fair, our CAFCASS officer highlighted 'anxious attachment' from one of my daughters towards her Mum and stated she is experiencing 'stress' and 'anxiety' in our S7 report, which is deeply worrying me. By the time my final hearing comes around, I'll have been fighting for almost a year to have decent access to our kids and in all this time their suffering due to their Mum's behaviour. I fully agree that this behaviour is child abuse but as per my comment above, it's very difficult to prove and the damage may already be done by the time the process of gaining access to our children is completed.
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#4
It is best not to mention parent alienation in court. I would like to but the problem is its very difficult to prove and its your word against yours. They are slowly starting to realise this happens unfortunately not quick enough. I would focus solely on kids and make sure u get access without mentioning parent alienation. its wrong what your ex is doing but very difficult for anything to get done about it Sad
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#5
I really appreciate your feedback chaps!

seems that not much can be done, apart from log it with my solicitors.

Best of luck, with your own scenarios - this forum is an absolutely live saver sometimes!
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