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Address of overnight holiday
#1
Hi everyone, I'm new here, looking forward to settling in but I do come armed with a question...

My 3yo son primarily lives with my ex-wife and we have a court order which gives me a fair amount of contact time.  I'm seeing him for 3 nights over new years and one of those nights we'll be staying with a friend.  My ex wife has always insisted on exact addresses of anywhere we stay, I've always felt uncomfortable with that but played along.  This time to protect the friend (because my ex has bad reactions to anyone who knows me, likes to online stalk etc.) I've proactively let her know the town and the road that my friend lives on with a Google Maps link.

The response has come back saying that she needs the exact address, I suspect what will follow is the threat that if I don't provide the address she won't allow me my court-ordered contact time.

Having a look around I can't see any requirements for her to know the exact address, I'm comfortable that I've given any information she'd actually need - I've narrowed it down to ~100 houses 100 miles from where she lives.  Our court order doesn't specify anything about me providing the address and she's never event told me before taking him on holiday let alone the town or address that she's staying at (even though we have court-ordered joint parental responsibility).

Is there something I'm missing?  Is there a need to provide this information?
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#2
Welcome mcmc!

Legally, what you do with your son when he’s with you is nothing to do with her, and if the court order doesn’t specify providing an address where you are staying then you are under no obligation to give her it.

That said, you have to decide here whether it’s worth making a stand over – if she knows it, so what? What can she meaningfully do? Unless she is some sort of bunny-boiler, then let her online stalk if she wants to – she’s the one with the problem.

If you want to protect your friend’s privacy, and given that you’re going 100 miles away where she presumably knows no-one, you could always accidentally type the street number in the wrong way round. But the best approach might be to tell her that this has to work both ways and before giving her it you want her assurance that you she will also always provide addresses where your son is staying.
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#3
Thanks. (and more responses welcome)

She's not full bunny-boiler but I want to protect my friend's privacy. Giving the address can lead to a name, maybe even a phone number, from that it can lead to work details. My ex will certainly go digging for information and I don't want to let that affect my friends.

I've just received the predictable response "I'm sorry I've been told by the solicitor I don't have to let [name] go without an exact address."

She's got everything except the house number.
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#4
Hi and welcome.

If the court order does not specify it then you have no obligation to tell her anything. You are responsible for your son when he is with you and unless she goes to court to vary the order to state this then she has no legal standing to demand it. The time your son is with you is nothing to do with her as such, what you do and where you go is entirely upto you. A solicitor wouldnt say tell her that either as the court order does not specify it. The solicitor will follow what their client wants, so ask her for a letter from the solicitor stating this and and showing where in the court order it specifies that you need to do it. And that if she will be breaching the court order if she refuses to make your son available for contact.

You already knew what the reply would be, its pretty much goes with the territory with child arrangement cases. The resident parent still thinks and tries to enact some sort of control over you.

Your problem is, as usually happens when you refuse, that she will not let you have contact and will then probably try and stop contact because you have gone against her wishes. So its down to you. Do you want to make a stand and tell her the order does not specify this and she has no legal standing to demand it and if she wishes to change things then she should apply to the courts to vary the order and risk being denied contact now and maybe for a couple of months. Or you can simply just tell her and let her get on with it.

You shouldnt need to do it but unfortunately this is the type of thing they try in order to keep control over you. Im pretty sure she will tell you where to go if you ask her for the same details but you can try and turn it around on her by doing so if you wish.
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#5
(12-29-2017, 12:54 PM)mcmc Wrote: Hi everyone, I'm new here, looking forward to settling in but I do come armed with a question...

My 3yo son primarily lives with my ex-wife and we have a court order which gives me a fair amount of contact time.  I'm seeing him for 3 nights over new years and one of those nights we'll be staying with a friend.  My ex wife has always insisted on exact addresses of anywhere we stay, I've always felt uncomfortable with that but played along.  This time to protect the friend (because my ex has bad reactions to anyone who knows me, likes to online stalk etc.) I've proactively let her know the town and the road that my friend lives on with a Google Maps link.

The response has come back saying that she needs the exact address, I suspect what will follow is the threat that if I don't provide the address she won't allow me my court-ordered contact time.

Having a look around I can't see any requirements for her to know the exact address, I'm comfortable that I've given any information she'd actually need - I've narrowed it down to ~100 houses 100 miles from where she lives.  Our court order doesn't specify anything about me providing the address and she's never event told me before taking him on holiday let alone the town or address that she's staying at (even though we have court-ordered joint parental responsibility).

Is there something I'm missing?  Is there a need to provide this information?

I am assuming you have PR for the Child, as your having contact. Therefore, you outrank her in the time the Court has put the Child in your care.

She is not entilted under the law to it, and has no legal say in what you do, or where you go, as long as its in the UK.

Its normal for you to have to name the address, only if your taking the Child on Holiday, outside the UK.

If your ex does not allow contact, inform her that you will file a form C79, Application for Enforcement, asking for her to be Fined or be make to do unpaid work for not following the order, and for the Order to be upgraded to carry a Penal Notice, making Prision an option for the Court, if its breached again.

Even if she has a pending application to Court for a change to the order, your order is enforceable until a Judge Varys the existing Order.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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