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new man entering house
#1
first post, advice would be appreciated.

wife called separation just a year ago, 3 young kids under 7, renting. still living together for sake of kids.

has a new boyfriend she met abroad in june and has met him around 16 nights in total since june.

she has agreed to move out january however is planning on moving new fella into house 4 weeks later and hes not even living in same country yet.

she has no problem with half custody.

i advised her this was crazy, she needs to get to know this fella first never mind the kids.  how can this guy suddenly move into house with crazy kids as well.

i am very close to kids and i feel its in there best interests that new boyfriend doesnt move in for at least 6 months.

we have mediation next week to try work this out. how do you think mediator will see it?

should i stand firm or should i give in if i meet new fella and hes ok.  i think i need to do background checks on him.

any advice ?
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#2
(12-30-2017, 01:43 PM)barney Wrote: first post, advice would be appreciated.

wife called separation just a year ago, 3 young kids under 7, renting. still living together for sake of kids.

has a new boyfriend she met abroad in june and has met him around 16 nights in total since june.

she has agreed to move out january however is planning on moving new fella into house 4 weeks later and hes not even living in same country yet.

she has no problem with half custody.

i advised her this was crazy, she needs to get to know this fella first never mind the kids.  how can this guy suddenly move into house with crazy kids as well.

i am very close to kids and i feel its in there best interests that new boyfriend doesnt move in for at least 6 months.

we have mediation next week to try work this out. how do you think mediator will see it?

should i stand firm or should i give in if i meet new fella and hes ok.  i think i need to do background checks on him.

any advice ?

You have no legal say in this. All you can do, as a person with PR for a Child he is coming into contact with, is do a Sarah's Law application, and if that flags anything up, use that as evidance for a Prohibited Steps Court Order.

By the same rule, she can not do anything about what you do in your time.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
I would let her get on with it . More likely to go wrong and nobody will do anything about it . I would try a background check on person though , but dont tell your ex . For now u just want to concentrate solely on seeing your children and let her move out
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#4
To do the Sarahs Law application you need to know the persons date of birth.

You then go to your local police station and give these details - this will then be sent to the local Multi Agency Public Protection Arrangements (MAPPA) (they are allowed 45 days from the day of which you make the free application) which in turn will request that the Police and Childrens Services do a background check on the person - they usually hold meetings once per month where this type of thing is discussed - this results in one of two outcomes

1) Nothing to disclose (and therefore nothing will be disclosed at all)
2) There are Safeguarding concerns (not everything is disclosed, only if they are a danger to children and nothing else) you will be invited to a Police interview room where you will be given this information, there are also rules around you disclosing ANY of the information that is given to you (You simply cant - its against the law)

If its 1) then nothing you can really do - your ex is allowed to move on with her life as much as you are allowed to move on with yours - however - if its 2) then you can go down a PSO (Prohibited Steps Order) to ensure that your child is appropriately safeguarded
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#5
Yes back ground checks for sure...she doesn't even know this guy that we'll. ...so for your own peace of mind and the safety of your children get the checks done. And as Warwickshire1 says if possible don't tell her. Good luck sir
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#6
lads, 

i really appreciate the responses

thanks
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