Violent wife with suspected BPD...please help

[nilbo]

UPDATE: received a response from the other side in regards to still proceeding with court appearance on 31/08. In a nutshell they are requesting to delay and wanting more time for a 2-3 day hearing, reason being they feel court will not have adequate time to to go through everything even though we we said all we want is fact finding and witness statements. More worrying was that there was no deal sweetener at all in terms of interim contact being increased but rather just wanting me to accept the mere 2 hours every Saturday and wait potentially months for next hearing date. Obviously I declined this.

I am thinking they basically have sweet FA to work with and they are starting to realise ex wife won't budge at all and realising she is difficult so attempting to delay. But I can only speculate.

Oh next allegation is that now I have a drinking problem which couldn't be further from the truth. I enquired about doing a alcohol hair test to disprove this one but the cost was close to £500 which I just can't afford. GP doesn't offer this service. If anyone has any advice on how to get this done cheaper please do let me know.

[MarkR]

(08-25-2016, 11:42 PM)nilbo Wrote: UPDATE: received a response from the other side in regards to still proceeding with court appearance on 31/08. In a nutshell they are requesting to delay and wanting more time for a 2-3 day hearing, reason being they feel court will not have adequate time to to go through everything even though we we said all we want is fact finding and witness statements. More worrying was that there was no deal sweetener at all in terms of interim contact being increased but rather just wanting me to accept the mere 2 hours every Saturday and wait potentially months for next hearing date. Obviously I declined this.

I am thinking they basically have sweet FA to work with and they are starting to realise ex wife won't budge at all and realising she is difficult so attempting to delay. But I can only speculate.

Oh next allegation is that now I have a drinking problem which couldn't be further from the truth. I enquired about doing a alcohol hair test to disprove this one but the cost was close to £500 which I just can't afford. GP doesn't offer this service. If anyone has any advice on how to get this done cheaper please do let me know.

Regarding the drinking problem, once they put it in a report/statement, have it set down for finding of fact. Its not in law up to you to prove you do not have it, its up to them to prove you do.

[nilbo]

Thanks Mark

I decided against it in the end as I simply don't have the money.

[nilbo]

UPDATE: So on Tuesday at about 14.30 I finally receive my ex wife's response statement which should have been filed the previous Friday. Least to say it was a disgusting statement with claims of multiple rapes, beatings, my father being violent towards her, my mother allowing my son to play with knives etc etc etc, me pushing my son over, shouting at him etc etc etc. Accompanying it were statements from her siblings full of lies as well.

This was exactly what I feared and all on the day before court. Agreed later that day with barrister and solicitor that due to their late statement we will have to inevitably ask for the case to be looked at by a judge and for me to not expect any progress at all at court on Wednesday.

Well Court yesterday went well! For the first time I feel like a slice of justice has been served.

Both parties and magistrates agreed to put the case in front of a circuit judge. So I have another directions hearing now on the 27th September. But more importantly my interim contact has been trebled! So i have gone form having my son for a mere 2 hours at a play center to having him on Saturdays 10-1 and Mondays 3.30 - 6.30 and no restrictions in terms of where i have to be with him! This is in total contradiction to the things in her statement so i think she has harmed her case stance significantly by doing this.

It also now transpires that the ex has definitely enrolled my son to a nursery without my knowledge. She proposed a time on Monday during the day and then 30 mins later re-tracted it saying that "i forgot my son is at nursery". So i will definitely be bringing this up at the next directions hearing and I've also been told that my contact will now only increase.

So between now and then i will be pulling her statement apart which is going to be a long task but should not be that difficult as she has no supporting evidence at all.

As you can imagine i was over the moon yesterday!

[nilbo]

(09-01-2016, 09:02 AM)nilbo Wrote: UPDATE: So on Tuesday at about 14.30 I finally receive my ex wife's response statement which should have been filed the previous Friday. Least to say it was a disgusting statement with claims of multiple rapes, beatings, my father being violent towards her, my mother allowing my son to play with knives etc etc etc, me pushing my son over, shouting at him etc etc etc. Accompanying it were statements from her siblings full of lies as well.

This was exactly what I feared and all on the day before court. Agreed later that day with barrister and solicitor that due to their late statement we will have to inevitably ask for the case to be looked at by a judge and for me to not expect any progress at all at court on Wednesday.

Well Court yesterday went well! For the first time I feel like a slice of justice has been served.

Both parties and magistrates agreed to put the case in front of a circuit judge. So I have another directions hearing now on the 27th September. But more importantly my interim contact has been trebled! So i have gone form having my son for a mere 2 hours at a play center to having him on Saturdays 10-1 and Mondays 3.30 - 6.30 and no restrictions in terms of where i have to be with him! This is in total contradiction to the things in her statement so i think she has harmed her case stance significantly by doing this.

It also now transpires that the ex has definitely enrolled my son to a nursery without my knowledge. She proposed a time on Monday during the day and then 30 mins later re-tracted it saying that "i forgot my son is at nursery". So i will definitely be bringing this up at the next directions hearing and I've also been told that my contact will now only increase.

So between now and then i will be pulling her statement apart which is going to be a long task but should not be that difficult as she has no supporting evidence at all.

As you can imagine i was over the moon yesterday!

Right i need some advice and opinions please...

so after much struggle i finally managed to get the psychologist's reports release by a court order. In it there are anger management issues, impulse control issues, admissions to fabrication of rape & violence, not being able to reflect, not being able to handle opinions etc etc etc.

Good news i thought up until today....

Today I received the social workers reports It was good in terms that it did not say there were any safety concerns in regards to my son being in may care. However, the social worker has totally dismissed all the evidence at hand and not challenged my ex wife whatsoever. She has literally consumed what has been fed to her eg my ex wants to increase contact but in reality she opposed it at the last hearing. even mentioned that ex did not want me to to be privy to any information from the nursery.

Additionally i have been informed that she has instructed a new solicitor. one that is not even a family law specialist. two possible reasons for this. 1) she could not afford the costs as they were a band 2 London based firm. 2) solicitor probably advised her that she needs to make concessions and admissions.

so this is what has been presented to me...

1. bypass fact finding and ask for a psychiatric assessment and hope it brings to light the mental health issues
2. go for the fact finding and hope and pray that all her allegations are false and mine are true with the insurmountable evidence against her, and then ask for an assessment which can not disregard the findings of fact.

1. is obviously cheaper.

2. a lot more expensive. minimum 15k plus vat and a long wait for a 2/3 day slot in court and also the social worker will probably recommend that a fact finding is not needed.

any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[MarkR]

(09-21-2016, 11:18 PM)nilbo Wrote:

(09-01-2016, 09:02 AM)nilbo Wrote: UPDATE: So on Tuesday at about 14.30 I finally receive my ex wife's response statement which should have been filed the previous Friday. Least to say it was a disgusting statement with claims of multiple rapes, beatings, my father being violent towards her, my mother allowing my son to play with knives etc etc etc, me pushing my son over, shouting at him etc etc etc. Accompanying it were statements from her siblings full of lies as well.

This was exactly what I feared and all on the day before court. Agreed later that day with barrister and solicitor that due to their late statement we will have to inevitably ask for the case to be looked at by a judge and for me to not expect any progress at all at court on Wednesday.

Well Court yesterday went well! For the first time I feel like a slice of justice has been served.

Both parties and magistrates agreed to put the case in front of a circuit judge. So I have another directions hearing now on the 27th September. But more importantly my interim contact has been trebled! So i have gone form having my son for a mere 2 hours at a play center to having him on Saturdays 10-1 and Mondays 3.30 - 6.30 and no restrictions in terms of where i have to be with him! This is in total contradiction to the things in her statement so i think she has harmed her case stance significantly by doing this.

It also now transpires that the ex has definitely enrolled my son to a nursery without my knowledge. She proposed a time on Monday during the day and then 30 mins later re-tracted it saying that "i forgot my son is at nursery". So i will definitely be bringing this up at the next directions hearing and I've also been told that my contact will now only increase.

So between now and then i will be pulling her statement apart which is going to be a long task but should not be that difficult as she has no supporting evidence at all.

As you can imagine i was over the moon yesterday!

Right i need some advice and opinions please...

so after much struggle i finally managed to get the psychologist's reports release by a court order. In it there are anger management issues, impulse control issues, admissions to fabrication of rape & violence, not being able to reflect, not being able to handle opinions etc etc etc.

Good news i thought up until today....

Today I received the social workers reports It was good in terms that it did not say there were any safety concerns in regards to my son being in may care. However, the social worker has totally dismissed all the evidence at hand and not challenged my ex wife whatsoever. She has literally consumed what has been fed to her eg my ex wants to increase contact but in reality she opposed it at the last hearing. even mentioned that ex did not want me to to be privy to any information from the nursery.

Additionally i have been informed that she has instructed a new solicitor. one that is not even a family law specialist. two possible reasons for this. 1) she could not afford the costs as they were a band 2 London based firm. 2) solicitor probably advised her that she needs to make concessions and admissions.

so this is what has been presented to me...

1. bypass fact finding and ask for a psychiatric assessment and hope it brings to light the mental health issues
2. go for the fact finding and hope and pray that all her allegations are false and mine are true with the insurmountable evidence against her, and then ask for an assessment which can not disregard the findings of fact.

1. is obviously cheaper.

2. a lot more expensive. minimum 15k plus vat and a long wait for a 2/3 day slot in court and also the social worker will probably recommend that a fact finding is not needed.

any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

I think you will have enough with a "Finding of Fact".

Its not the Social Workers decision on if it is needed, as you can ask for anything they they say or put in a report to be put down for it as well.

I will update this post later on when I have more time.

[nilbo]

Thanks Mark

[MarkR]

(09-22-2016, 12:32 PM)nilbo Wrote: Thanks Mark

Sorry I was in a rush this morning.

What you are able to do, is what I did with a Social Worker involved in my own case. If it goes to final hearing, ask her questions.

In my case, it was asking her about what work was done with my ex (to make the Judge aware that she is the reason they are involved with the Family, as per Cafcass findings), but then turn it on to how did she come to her opinion on xxxx. What evidence was their?. Is it standard practice for Social Workers to make decisions based on what ex partners say, without the allegations being put to them for comment?

[nilbo]

Hi Mark,

Thanks for the response. I'm still debating which option to go for. I initially thought along the same lines as you which was to go for the Fact Finding. I spoke with a friend who is a solicitor for a LA and she said it may not be that useful to what my end goal is which is change of residency or,as a fall, back shared care. She said it would be useful if I was being denied access and then I could prove they (allegations) are false and that in fact she is the violent one etc via fact finding. But considering my end goal she said the best option maybe to go for the psychiatric assessment if I want to prove my son maybe/is in danger around her because of mental health concerns.

It's never easy I tell ya! The mental toll all this takes is heavy. Can never switch off!

[nilbo]

So contact on Wednesday was cancelled due to my son being unwell. Nursery did confirm he did not attend. I asked for it to be replaced with Friday instead.
Today i received a text saying he has gone to nursery and i can pick him up from nursery to make up for Wednesday. Received another text shortly after saying he is unwell and had to be picked up from nursery (the nursery did confirm this) and that my contact tomorrow may also be cancelled.

I fully appreciate that he is unwell but I'v looked after him plenty when he has been sick. What the hell is meant to happen in the future? Every time he is unwell that contact is going to be cancelled! He is going nursery so is bound to get more ill! bloody joke!