Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Violent wife with suspected BPD...please help
#41
(10-07-2016, 09:47 AM)nilbo Wrote: So contact on Wednesday was cancelled due to my son being unwell. Nursery did confirm he did not attend. I asked for it to be replaced with Friday instead.
Today i received a text saying he has gone to nursery and i can pick him up from nursery to make up for Wednesday. Received another text shortly after saying he is unwell and had to be picked up from nursery (the nursery did confirm this) and that my contact tomorrow may also be cancelled.

I fully appreciate that he is unwell but I'v looked after him plenty when he has been sick. What the hell is meant to happen in the future? Every time he is unwell that contact is going to be cancelled! He is going nursery so is bound to get more ill! bloody joke!

If your in a court process, as part of the final order, ask for it to be you who makes any decisions on canceling contact, to prevent it being used to stop it.

If you have a court order, then its applicaiton to vary it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#42
So I have a finance related question and want to keep everything on this one thread. I would be grateful for any advice.

So currently I am paying £25 per week CMS. Which is going to go up to £65. no problem with that. In fact i was going to top it up to about £120 a week.

Ex emailed yesterday saying she wants to arrange a family arrangement using our solicitors otherwise she will report me to HMRC for tax evasion (I'm happy for her to do this and have nothing to hide). I asked her if she has a figure in mind to keep her happy. She replied £340 per week/ £1200 a month! as you can imagine I nearly fell over. I@m not paying any nursery fees. She enrolled him without my consent or knowledge. I fully intend to pay half but not just yet.

She has stated she will not return to work until the little one is in full time education. He is not yet even 2. She also wants money for rent even though she lives at her parents house. She even went as far as to enquire if private schooling is still on the cards for 3+. This was the intention when we were together and if we both had an income. Obviously private schooling is not an option anymore.

So my solicitor has advised me to apply to court to sort out finances and set a timetable down for her solicitor and to do a full disclosure from both parties. Fine i get that. She will not negotiate at all and will be more concerned about ruining me in every way possible. But i'm thinking, i'm kind of happy with how things are at the moment. I have a contact plan that is increasing with another hearing in January. I'm paying the requirement directed by CSA. The only thing i am not doing is paying half of nursery fees which is the only thing i think she can throw against me ahead of the January. So I plan to address that from next month on wards.

Basically i'm unsure why my solicitor wants to kick off another process in regards to finances. I'd rather wait it out and let her do it through her solicitor.

Any advice will me most helpful!
Reply
#43
(10-11-2016, 08:32 PM)nilbo Wrote: So I have a finance related question and want to keep everything on this one thread. I would be grateful for any advice.

So currently I am paying £25 per week CMS. Which is going to go up to £65. no problem with that. In fact i was going to top it up to about £120 a week.

Ex emailed yesterday saying she wants to arrange a family arrangement using our solicitors otherwise she will report me to HMRC for tax evasion (I'm happy for her to do this and have nothing to hide). I asked her if she has a figure in mind to keep her happy. She replied £340 per week/ £1200 a month! as you can imagine I nearly fell over. I@m not paying any nursery fees. She enrolled him without my consent or knowledge. I fully intend to pay half but not just yet.

She has stated she will not return to work until the little one is in full time education. He is not yet even 2. She also wants money for rent even though she lives at her parents house. She even went as far as to enquire if private schooling is still on the cards for 3+. This was the intention when we were together and if we both had an income. Obviously private schooling is not an option anymore.

So my solicitor has advised me to apply to court to sort out finances and set a timetable down for her solicitor and to do a full disclosure from both parties. Fine i get that. She will not negotiate at all and will be more concerned about ruining me in every way possible. But i'm thinking, i'm kind of happy with how things are at the moment. I have a contact plan that is increasing with another hearing in January. I'm paying the requirement directed by CSA. The only thing i am not doing is paying half of nursery fees which is the only thing i think she can throw against me ahead of the January. So I plan to address that from next month on wards.

Basically i'm unsure why my solicitor wants to kick off another process in regards to finances. I'd rather wait it out and let her do it through her solicitor.

Any advice will me most helpful!

The problem with how Child Support is worked out, she is in a no lose situation. Either she gets herself a better deal, or the CMS amount.

In law, the Family Based Agreement can have anything in it you both agree to.

If you refuse a Family Based Agreement, what in this case my advise is, she can put CMS in. They have Jurisdiction over Child Support, and a court would only deal with it as a Consent Order.

What your ex has coming in each week is not relevant to Child Support. The fact is that until the Child is 5, she will get Income Support (or Universal Credit in some parts of the UK), along with Child Benefit and Tax Credits. While she can not claim Housing Benefit (where immediate family is the landlord), she could if she was not living their, so as she had decided to live somewhere where she can not get help with rent does not mean you have to pay for it.

Her parents (being her landlord) might in fact be breaking the law by charging her rent (Social Housing Fraud Act 2013).

As the Resident Parent, any Nursery Costs are down to your ex. If she was working 16 hours or more (and any new partner would need to be if she has one), then she might be able to get some of the costs via the Child Care Element of Working Tax Credit. As she is not working 16 hours a week, the law of the country says she does not need any help with child care.

The CMS amount if fully inclusive, and if you decide to pay extra do it as a separate transaction. Do not do it in a way what she can claim forms a contract.

The fact that she is saying she is not going to go back to work, might mean she is intending to claim Spouse Maintenance. This is a separate issue, but more importantly it is considered to be an income as far as Means Tested Benefits are concerned.  There is only a very small amount per week she keeps, before it then deducts it from Income Support (I can not remember if its £5 or £15). Child Tax Credit is based on income over the year, so it might decrease this, and as far as Housing Benefit is concerned if she finds her own place, its also income. (If Universal Credit area the rules are more or less the same).

Often ex partners try to keep the working on documents referring to it as Child Support for the above reason, so if does get it awarded (by court or agreement) make sure its a separate transaction from Child Support, and if you can, put on it Spouse Maintenance as a transaction reference.

Should it go to court, regarding private school and nursery fees, the decision was taken due to your combined income at the time, what has now significantly changed.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#44
cheers Mark. CMS already involved. I'm happy to pay whatever figure they come up with. I'll pay half of the nursery costs as well. I don't want my son uprooted because of money. He has been through enough and i want to help to maintain his nursery routine.

Whatever extra the Ex wants she can do it through her solicitor and courts. I see no reason for me to make the first move. It's time for me to be the respondent and her to be the applicant.

what did you mean by "The CMS amount if fully inclusive" ?

Is a family based agreement legally binding? ideally i want a clean break and pay her off once and for all.
Reply
#45
(10-12-2016, 09:15 AM)nilbo Wrote: cheers Mark. CMS already involved. I'm happy to pay whatever figure they come up with. I'll pay half of the nursery costs as well. I don't want my son uprooted because of money. He has been through enough and i want to help to maintain his nursery routine.

Whatever extra the Ex wants she can do it through her solicitor and courts. I see no reason for me to make the first move. It's time for me to be the respondent and her to be the applicant.

what did you mean by "The CMS amount if fully inclusive" ?

Is a family based agreement legally binding? ideally i want a clean break and pay her off once and for all.

Its a grey area in law, as depending on the wording it might be considered as a contract you can enforce under Civil Law (Small Claims Court for None Payment of a Contract), but the Resident Parent has the right to put CMS in anytime, unless a Court Order exists. This is why I advise to pay by bank transfer, and either weekly or monthly, so if any claim of none payment goes in you can show a schedule of payments made. (Never pay more than 1 month in advance, as payments made over 30 days ago will not be considered if she was to go to CMS).

If you are thinking of using one, then make sure you put a review clause in it, to cover
a, any change in your income
b, should you (or any new partner have dependent children who live with you)
c, any change to staying contact arrangements.
d, any other facts changing what any new legislation might bring in.

"The CMS amount is fully inclusive" means that you can not be made to pay more for Child Support than the CMS amount.

There has been cases where ex partners claims you have to pay extra for things like after school clubs, groups the child might be a member of fees, child care and school uniform.

In a CMS case, the none resident parent only pays for anything in their time, that being from collecting the child upto returning the child, UNLESS something has been arranged in contact time by the Resident Parent and your simply put allowing it to happen in your time.

The CMS amount is what is considered to be a fair contribution towards the normal costs the Resident Parent has. There is nothing wrong with paying extra (as a separate transaction) to cover things like above if you can afford it, but legally can you not be forced to pay.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)