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Birthday parties!
#1
Well this is not so much a major issue but more to do with the principal of it rather than the point. My children live with my ex and I have fairly regular contact and I pay my child maintenance through the CMS every month. Now, there is a day coming up soon and I am sure that there will be other times as well, that my children are going to a friend's birthday party. In fact they have 2 parties to go to in one day, lucky them. That day however falls on when I have them for the day which is fine and I am quite happy to take them to both parties. The point of this is that as I am doing that, my ex has said that I have to get the birthday presents as I will have the children that day. Now I know that I obviously do not need to spend a fortune for each birthday present, not that I can afford to anyway, but is it right that I should have to do that? As I said, it's more the principal rather than the point and I don't want to be taken advantage of. I know that my child maintenance payments don't technically pay for other children's presents, but as I am paying a large amount each month surely she can take it out of that?

I dont want to take them to their parties empty handed if my ex expects me to get the presents so I'm kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. I might just have to bite the bullet and get a couple of small presents, that way I have covered all bases unless anyone has any suggestions?
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#2
I’d really let this one go. What the kids do when they’re with you is ultimately up to you, so if you’re taking them to a party, look at buying a present in the same way as you would paying admission if you took them an attraction somewhere. Take the kids with you to choose a present, give them a tenner and let them choose what they want to give. Make them feel part of it – it’s about them after all. They’ll love you for it!
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#3
You do need to get the presents ... sorry ... you do!
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#4
I agree with others, when the children are with you it’s up to you not the mother if they go or not. If they go to the party because like any decent father you wouldn’t want t disappoint them unless there was a genuine reason they couldn’t attend then duties such as gift buying would fall with you in my opinion
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#5
Look at it this way - who are you buying the present for? You're buying them for your kids to give to their friends. Do you begrudge spending a tenner on your kids? Of course not!

I pay for my kids to get my ex a birthday and Christmas present for the same reason (even though she doesn't for me), because it's nice for them to get something for their mum.
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#6
(01-11-2018, 09:24 PM)Secret-squirrel100 Wrote: Well this is not so much a major issue but more to do with the principal of it rather than the point. My children live with my ex and I have fairly regular contact and I pay my child maintenance through the CMS every month. Now, there is a day coming up soon and I am sure that there will be other times as well, that my children are going to a friend's birthday party. In fact they have 2 parties to go to in one day, lucky them. That day however falls on when I have them for the day which is fine and I am quite happy to take them to both parties. The point of this is that as I am doing that, my ex has said that I have to get the birthday presents as I will have the children that day. Now I know that I obviously do not need to spend a fortune for each birthday present, not that I can afford to anyway, but is it right that I should have to do that? As I said, it's more the principal rather than the point and I don't want to be taken advantage of. I know that my child maintenance payments don't technically pay for other children's presents, but as I am paying a large amount each month surely she can take it out of that?

I dont want to take them to their parties empty handed if my ex expects me to get the presents so I'm kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. I might just have to bite the bullet and get a couple of small presents, that way I have covered all bases unless anyone has any suggestions?

It comes down to whos decision it was on the Child going.

If you said the child can go, you buy the present.

However, if this is something that the ex has arranged and your just agreeing to it happening in your time, it is up to her.
She has no legal right to arrange anything in your time, at a cost to you.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#7
You get the benefit of being part of that experience with the kids - ie going out with them to choose a present or asking their opinion what to get :-) It's worth buying the presents for that. Be warned though - they often choose something they want themselves! And then get upset at giving it to someone else and ask you to get them one too lol.
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#8
(01-22-2018, 09:08 AM)Charlie7000 Wrote: You get the benefit of being part of that experience with the kids - ie going out with them to choose a present or asking their opinion what to get :-)  It's worth buying the presents for that.  Be warned though - they often choose something they want themselves!  And then get upset at giving it to someone else and ask you to get them one too lol.

I get what your saying, but under the law, his ex can not decide what he does in his contact.

If she has accepted the invite, and he is just letting it happen in his time, its up to her to provide it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#9
We have a system (HAHAHA) based on a lot of trail and error!
Invites come in and are immediately forwarded to the parent who's time it is
They then make the decision to go or not... and the gift

That the theory anyway
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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