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Mother not allowing girls to visit me at my house
#1
Hello all. I'm New here! I live 100miles from my daughters. My wife used to let me have them for weekends and holidays at my house. However, during the last stay here for a month over the summer my 8yo managed to find some porn on my laptop, which she told her mother about. I was horrified as I usually only let them use their own accounts that I have setup with parental controls, so it was an oversight. Since then their mother has labelled me a sexual deviant, reported me to social services and flung lots of threats at me which is fairly normal for her. She now only allows me to pick them up from her house, take them out for the day, and drop them back later. This means I have to drive to Bristol to pick them up at 10am Sunday morning and drop them off at 5pm. It's too far for me to return to Devon and then drive all the way back to work 100-160miles on Monday morning, so I have to sofa surf at a mates.

She is angry, vindictive and I'm sure her main raison d'être is to make life as difficult as possible for me. I'm fed up with everything being her way. She never budges on childcare arrangements and cancels them when she feels like it, but then expects me to be there at the drop of a hat when she wants it. The usual one-sided scenario. I'm really fed up with it.

What should I do. I think rational discussion with her is not an option. Do i now apply to court. Will the porn issue make it difficult? Comments welcome.
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#2
I am not going to lie, but she will likely bring this up in any court action you go ahead with.

The good thing is that (I assume) your not on any Sex Offenders Register so its unlikely to count, but it will still be raised as a Safe Guarding issue.

Your likely to have the following
- You go to Mediation (she will likely not show - so you get it signed off)
- You lodge your C100
- She files her response - its at this point she will raise the issue, but you should have disclosed it on your C100 - along the lines of "One of the reasons that my ex partner has reduced access is due to the fact that my daughter managed to access some pornographic material on my laptop, this has been dealt with by the implementation of parental controls and restricted user accounts as well as software filtering, however, my ex partner still utilises this as a reason for the restriction of access"
- It goes to your First Directions Hearing - CAFCASS will likely be asked to prepare a "Section 7" report - they will ask you about all allegations she has made against you - ensure that you tell them what contact you would like restored. At a minimum you will get every other weekend (Fri - Mon) and then 50% of all school holidays, and possibly a night in the week.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
(01-21-2018, 10:47 AM)Alan S Wrote: Hello all. I'm New here! I live 100miles from my daughters. My wife used to let me have them for weekends and holidays at my house. However, during the last stay here for a month over the summer my 8yo managed to find some porn on my laptop, which she told her mother about. I was horrified as I usually only let them use their own accounts that I have setup with parental controls, so it was an oversight. Since then their mother has labelled me a sexual deviant, reported me to social services and flung lots of threats at me which is fairly normal for her. She now only allows me to pick them up from her house, take them out for the day, and drop them back later. This means I have to drive to Bristol to pick them up at 10am Sunday morning and drop them off at 5pm. It's too far for me to return to Devon and then drive all the way back to work 100-160miles on Monday morning, so I have to sofa surf at a mates.

She is angry, vindictive and I'm sure her main raison d'être is to make life as difficult as possible for me. I'm fed up with everything being her way. She never budges on childcare arrangements and cancels them when she feels like it, but then expects me to be there at the drop of a hat when she wants it. The usual one-sided scenario. I'm really fed up with it.

What should I do. I think rational discussion with her is not an option. Do i now apply to court. Will the porn issue make it difficult? Comments welcome.

While it is an issue, the angle you need to use at Court is that due to your safeguards  you normally had in place, he could of found out about this during time he was in her care.

I am assuming your have PR by being married on the day of birth, or being named on the Birth Certificate. Therefore, until a Court Order exists, your both on the same legal standing.

You need to apply to Court, claiming exemption form Medicaiton as she has rasied a Child Protection Issue. State in your applicaiton, that your willing to have either a no internet clause on the CAO.

My  take on this, is that she is jumping on what appers to be a valid reason, to stop overnights, as she will get more Child Support.
The fact she is allowing daytime contact means in law she is accepting your not a risk to the child, and where you take the child on contact is down to you, unless a Prohibited Steps Court Order exists.

If you have a CMS case, i would be claiming a reductioni for the cost of the contact (millage or public transport cost), and also include 1 nights overnight accomdation, as you can not get their and back in 1 day.

I have a feeling that reducing her Child Support, might change things, as in effect she would lose about £50 per contact on hotel costs.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#4
Good advice above. And yours isn't the only laptop kids can access unsuitable things on - it's a big issue. Most schools have filters on but they're not foolproof and then there are mobile phones and friends devices - and kids are savvy at turning parental controls off.

Anyway point is - you're upfront about it as Invisible says. What your ex should have done is communicate with you about it, at which point you could have said - won't happen again will make sure they don't use my laptop at all in future and only their own with parental controls on. End of matter.

She has chosen to use it against you - either because she likes doing this and/or is judging your lifestyle, or for more money as Mark says. I think a lot of the time they just want to find fault with you as it would be convenient for them not to have to send the kids any more.
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