Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Advice on defined orders?
#1
Just trying to work out what to ask for, with 50/50 shared care - for holidays.  Not keen on just "half the holidays" as historically weeks are agreed and then changed by ex at the last minute.  Now if there was a 50/50 shared care order, could she still do this?  I'm guessing she could as you can't enforce something that isn't defined.

Anyway how defined does it need to be?  eg One week at Easter and Christmas, with Christmas alternate years.  Or as specific as one week at Easter, weeks commencing First saturday 9am of the holidays?  Half the summer holidays.  Or -a two week and one week period each over summer holidays?

Anyone got any examples or advice please?  Originally wanted it defined to the nth degree but it's also got to work for the next few years.
Reply
#2
(01-22-2018, 10:10 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Just trying to work out what to ask for, with 50/50 shared care - for holidays.  Not keen on just "half the holidays" as historically weeks are agreed and then changed by ex at the last minute.  Now if there was a 50/50 shared care order, could she still do this?  I'm guessing she could as you can't enforce something that isn't defined.

Anyway how defined does it need to be?  eg One week at Easter and Christmas, with Christmas alternate years.  Or as specific as one week at Easter, weeks commencing First saturday 9am of the holidays?  Half the summer holidays.  Or -a two week and one week period each over summer holidays?

Anyone got any examples or advice please?  Originally wanted it defined to the nth degree but it's also got to work for the next few years.

In terms of school holidays, the normal rota will stop.

3 x 1 week half term holidays, 2.5 days tagged onto what would be the normal weekend, so contact will start or end on the Wednesday Lunchtime.

Easter and Christmas, 1 week each, and you need to either agree on the 3 other days to share them, or turns each.

You can have a 2 week block put into the Order, for example 1-14 August but your ex also has the right to a 2 week block. Dont forget to get leave to remove teh child form the UK for a holiday into the order. Its normal for the order to say once holiday dates are known, for you to agree how to share the other time. However, to get it defined, you would need it to say 1 x 8 day block, or 2 x 4 day block as well as the 2 weeks.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
Mark you're brilliant - thanks. It had me confused - still does a bit. How can you enforce something that isn't defined? Yes had made a note of the leave to remove - but then do you still need it if order says lives with both parents?
Reply
#4
The changes you make around holidays etc its almost like the normal agenda doesn't exist :-)... of course if its all agreed, its easy... if its used to try and play a game its a nightmare

For half term... we swap weekends, then half the week before, then the weekend after... all to make sure we don't go much more than 7 days without seeing the kids

Normal stuff, any change to benefit the kids in my direction are refused... all her requests, i accept... still in the stage of thinking she will come to see working together is better than against each other - not holding my breathe
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#5
Thanks LTC Dad. How do you work holidays then? If I booked a holiday in advance for an agreed week, she would find some way of disrupting it I am sure.

Am beginning to wonder whether a very defined "spends time with" order might be better than a 50/50 or 60/40 shared care order now.
Reply
#6
Hmm - deciding holidays with ex. It would be "who gets in first" and she gets in first about two years in advance with so many dates.
Reply
#7
Have a calendar for the year... alternate week schedule so allows some planning... i have odd, she has even weeks

I update it month by month depending on work and swaps etc ... aim to agree (i do agree her swaps , she blocks mine!)

Holidays set out based on broad principles... Odd years... i get autumn half term, you get spring half term, one week each at Xmas and Easter and 3 weeks each on summer (swap round the next year... even years)

Then start negotiating ... eg i need them Friday not Saturday for flights, i need 2 week in august, you have 2 weeks in July etc etc

Works like a rock being pushing up a hill covered in treacle... but that is due to the personalities not the system ... should work with 2 co-parents!

PS you are NOT agreeing the booking of the holiday ... you agree the time (what you do in it is up to you)

PPS holidays you come off your normal alternate week schedule otherwise it would not be fair so you have to give and take
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#8
Thanks. It would be like negotiating weeks with a terrorist. Whatever I ask for she wants the opposite! Am thinking of asking for some specific weeks (eg one particular week at summer plus another two and one particular half term and one shared) and a line saying "Such further or other times as agreed in writing". So some would be definite - unless agreed otherwise by both. If I can get it!
Reply
#9
Yes it is!
By the time you plan out the weeks, add in the work swaps, the holiday swaps, the kids social lives swaps, the family visit swaps.... you wonder why you ever went to court to get a CAO as in reality they are impossible to stick to

That said, alternate weeks is giving the kids a bit more stability than the used to have with a 2 weekly 2-2-3 system and helps with things like weekly shopping and washing clothes etc
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#10
I have already started negotiating for this years Christmas
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)