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Help please gents!
I would try and separate it down into ongoing parenting time as one thing and financial issues as another thing. It's true CM is reduced by the number of overnights. But it may not make a vast amount of difference - the main sum is based on your earnings.

Try and put that to one side and think - what kind of arrangement do you want, for the long term, with your kids? Are you able to have them 50/50 if it was an option? Or a third of the time living with you? As they get older they won't want single overnights possibly. The usual is every other week-end and a midweek night and half the school holidays. If the week-end is from Friday after school to Monday morning,that works out about a third of the time (5 nights out of 14) and could be "lives with" rather than "spends time with". The idea being to keep up significant relationships with both parents.

Are you currently paying CM under a private agreement or have you had the CM calculated by the CMS. You could work out a private arrangement with her (regardless of what CM calculator says). Eg a bit less than calculated but you pay for school shoes eg and half of any school trips. That kind of thing.

I'm not an expert but regarding the house finances,you both have an interest in the house.She could probably get the 35k of equity she put in and the remainder (15) split between you. In which case she would only need to find 7.5k to buy you out. How much is the buy to let worth and what is the equity in that? That might affect the balance of things. If it's about the same you could do a deal that she keeps the house and equity and you keep the buy to let and equity.

Or was the buy to let intended to be a pension pot for you both for the future? I think it would be a good idea to get some legal/financial advice from a solicitor who specialises in business and finances - get the right Solicitor. You could also pay an Accountant a one off fee to look at it all and write a report. That can help when trying to sort finances in court over divorce. An Accountant's opinion is stronger than your own. eg if Accoutnant says - house has 50k equity. Buy to let was for a pension for both parties at retirement and has 20k equity. Ex can keep house equity in lieu of any pension rights and you keep the buy to let equity. Or whatever.

If you've been separated three years, are you divorced yet? Or is that about to happen?
Hi Charlie, thanks for your response, great info.

No not divorced yet, and not in the process either. Im not sure what to do yet about that whether to file or not.
We still get on ok, just small talk really.

Yes my rented property is solely in my name and I had it before we met. ( for my pension pot, she has her own pension) I have about 40k equity in that, and she put the 35k deposit down on the family home so about equal in monies.
She works full time but doesn't have a perm contract so she can't take my name off the mortgage yet.
We have a CM private agreement not through CSA.

My original question Charlie was.
Maybe not a 50:50 but say I wanted another night - 2 nights instead of 1. Maybe I would say to her can I drop the payments £100 a month? But what if she was to say NO. Would I have to go to court then?

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