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Advice needed
#1
Hi.

Firstly, sorry if this in the wrong forum and has been posted about previously I ran a search and couldn't find anything similar to my question.

I've been on and off with my now firmly ex for the past six years. We have pretty explosive rows periodically and then go months/sometimes years without talking before getting back.

For the past ten months, things have been pretty stable and I've allowed myself to think that the childish behaviour on both our parts is over with. Anyway, that hasn't been the case. About two weeks ago we had unprotected sex and then had a blazing row a few days ago. This resulted in us not talking and her saying she wishes I were dead. A few days pass and then she messages me with a picture of a positive pregnancy test and then says under no circumstances will I have anything to do with my child. Immediately I identify myself as furious so don't really reply because I recognise that it wouldn't be a good idea to reply in anger. I take about forty-eight hours to calm down enough (I should add I'm angry with her 'nothing to do with the child' comment and not about the pregnancy.) When I contacted her I was calm and rational and explain I want to be a part of my child's life and I think we should talk on the phone as adults and go through everything rationally. She has gone nuclear and told me she won't be putting my name on the birth certificate and she won't be willing to co-parent with me as I'm "too spiteful and childish". I won't sit here and say she's completely in the wrong because there is equal blame, we just aren't good for each other in a relationship which is something I will work through in time. The thought of not having legal rights to a relationship with my child kills me.

I have done some research on the internet and if she doesn't put me on the birth certificate then I need to petition the courts which I am willing to do in order to be granted parental responsibility. The trouble is from my research I need to demonstrate one of three things, that I bring value to my child's life, that I have a good bond and relationship with my child or that I have made a resonable effort to form a relationship with my child and be involved. 
My question is how can I demonstrate these things when every time I contact her she goes nuclear. I doubt she will tell me when the appointments are meaning I can't get involved and I'm conscious on putting stress on her and the baby so I don't want to keep contacting her knowing that she's so angry about this situation that it just leads to her getting emotional.

Any help or advice offered would be greatly appreciated. 

Jay
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#2
(01-28-2018, 11:32 AM)jay_bryce13 Wrote: Hi.

Firstly, sorry if this in the wrong forum and has been posted about previously I ran a search and couldn't find anything similar to my question.

I've been on and off with my now firmly ex for the past six years. We have pretty explosive rows periodically and then go months/sometimes years without talking before getting back.

For the past ten months, things have been pretty stable and I've allowed myself to think that the childish behaviour on both our parts is over with. Anyway, that hasn't been the case. About two weeks ago we had unprotected sex and then had a blazing row a few days ago. This resulted in us not talking and her saying she wishes I were dead. A few days pass and then she messages me with a picture of a positive pregnancy test and then says under no circumstances will I have anything to do with my child. Immediately I identify myself as furious so don't really reply because I recognise that it wouldn't be a good idea to reply in anger. I take about forty-eight hours to calm down enough (I should add I'm angry with her 'nothing to do with the child' comment and not about the pregnancy.) When I contacted her I was calm and rational and explain I want to be a part of my child's life and I think we should talk on the phone as adults and go through everything rationally. She has gone nuclear and told me she won't be putting my name on the birth certificate and she won't be willing to co-parent with me as I'm "too spiteful and childish". I won't sit here and say she's completely in the wrong because there is equal blame, we just aren't good for each other in a relationship which is something I will work through in time. The thought of not having legal rights to a relationship with my child kills me.

I have done some research on the internet and if she doesn't put me on the birth certificate then I need to petition the courts which I am willing to do in order to be granted parental responsibility. The trouble is from my research I need to demonstrate one of three things, that I bring value to my child's life, that I have a good bond and relationship with my child or that I have made a resonable effort to form a relationship with my child and be involved. 
My question is how can I demonstrate these things when every time I contact her she goes nuclear. I doubt she will tell me when the appointments are meaning I can't get involved and I'm conscious on putting stress on her and the baby so I don't want to keep contacting her knowing that she's so angry about this situation that it just leads to her getting emotional.

Any help or advice offered would be greatly appreciated. 

Jay

I think your looking at rules if  you was not the natural father.

You will need to apply to Court for PR, but will need Mediation before you can ask for contact on court order.
Until the Child is 2, you will only get 4-6 hours, over 1 or 2 days in most situations.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Hi Mike,

Thanks for the advice. That's useful to know actually.
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#4
As Mark says, you can apply for parental responsibility through the courts - as the biological Father - and at the same time apply for contact (now called "spends time with". It sounds like you two have had an explosive relationship at times, but if you can get back on better terms it would help. She may have reacted when she found out she was pregnant, but she might appreciate some support as she goes through the pregnancy?

Rather than getting into arguments about seeing/not seeing the child, maybe take a different tack and say you want to help in any way you can while she's pregnant and although your relationship hasn't worked, you can be a friend. Although maybe pick your moment!

Another thought - is it definitely yours?
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#5
thank you very much for the information
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