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Just sayin
#1
https://theparentconnection.org.uk/artic...separation
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#2
Sometimes you need the legal framework of 50:50 to allow the flexibility of co-parenting

In my case my ex applied to court for 100% custody ... that was not in the best interest of the kids... so i defended their rights ... i knew if 100% was awarded such is the bitterness of my ex, i would have a battle to see my kids unless it was on her terms and eventually be stopped from seeing my kids ...or i would give up... or they would be turned against me... 50:50 is also not practical when the other parent stands there with a stop watch putting in false measures, threatening to go back to court every time you ask to swap a day to go to a work meeting, that you need to do to pay their child support!

What is ideal is working together for the benefit of the kids and being prepared to give and take and seeing the big picture

That's the theory... hope my ex reads this :-):-):-)
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#3
Completely agree,
At the moment I am buoyed by the fact my ex's recent tact is to criticize the small things [obviously casting doubt on my parenting ability] "daughter wasnt fed between 5-6pm as per her instructions" "clothes that fit perfectly labelled for 6-7 years rather than age appropriate 4-5 yrs]
If this is all she's got then she's toast, because daughter went back Sunday spotless, bathed, brushed [dry] hair with new clean clothes, fed and teeth brushed. I even cleaned her shoes. But this is my main concern, the one big unknown, should 50/50 or close to it, be awarded, Im worried about just how awkward ex will be. Ill bet my life she will test every boundary there is. I am hoping that after enough time she will settle down and find someone else she hates more. [God I wish she would get a boyfriend] and Ill be the best thing since sliced bread like all her other ex's.
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#4
What you worried about what your ex thinks ... you're not her father! Focus on your daughter... clean her shoes if they need cleaning, not to get praise or avoid criticism from your ex

Read my signature on all my posts ... "Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"

PS - best to feed kids when they are hungry rather than when the clock hits 5pm and always dress them in clothes that you know fit rather than some estimate by Chinese warehouse
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#5
Yeah I understand and believe me, its done for my daughter. But to be honest I am somewhat institutionalised by a 7 year onslaught of this stuff.
Anyway at 4 years old, I reckon this is the only time in her life that she can choose her clothes based purely on her preference before the self consciousness sets in for the rest of her life. She went to child minder dressed as a pirate the other day. I dont care what ex thinks, I care that the continual criticism will get traction in court.
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#6
(01-31-2018, 10:49 AM)Naive Wrote: But to be honest I am somewhat institutionalised by a 7 year onslaught of this stuff.

Its a big club, welcome  Wink ... lifetime membership is free
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#7
(01-31-2018, 10:01 AM)Naive Wrote: Completely agree,
At the moment I am buoyed by the fact my ex's recent tact is to criticize the small things [obviously casting doubt on my parenting ability] "daughter wasnt fed between 5-6pm as per her instructions" "clothes that fit perfectly labelled for 6-7 years rather than age appropriate 4-5 yrs]
If this is all she's got then she's toast, because daughter went back Sunday spotless, bathed, brushed [dry] hair with new clean clothes, fed and teeth brushed. I even cleaned her shoes. But this is my main concern, the one big unknown, should 50/50 or close to it, be awarded, Im worried about just how awkward ex will be. Ill bet my life she will test every boundary there is. I am hoping that after enough time she will settle down and find someone else she hates more. [God I wish she would get a boyfriend] and Ill be the best thing since sliced bread like all her other ex's.

Also worried about this and currently trying to decide whether to go 60/40 or 50/50.  Ex would make son's life hell if he spent 50% of the time with me - she punishes him for enjoying time with me - hard to prove.   It's cruel and nasty and mental.  I am thinking of dealing with one thing at a time but difficult decisions.  50/50 means she doesn't still feel she is the most important parent (with 60/40 she would still think she was numero uno even if order said "lives with both parents".  But she will take it out on son if he is with her less I think.  But then you just need to deal with that when it happens - social services or even a further application maybe.
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