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I'm close to deserting my son
#1
In court this month and I will be given 2 options.  To agree to attend a course for violence or only ever see my son at a contact centre. 

I have never been violent in my life. 

The judge in fact finding believed otherwise for the most part because I am bigger than my ex and therefore she could not have attacked me.  Really!  She didn't prove anything and didn't need to.  My clear evidence was dismissed on technical grounds ie the police did not do their job correctly when I gave my statement and showed them my injuries.  The status quo was not going to changed despite the evidence I provided.  Too much work for an overloaded system.  

To cut a long story short I will not admit to something I haven't done by attending a course for and with people who may well be violent offenders.  I will also not subject my son to years of only having contact with his father every 2 weeks for 2 hours in a dreary little room surrounded by broken toys on the understanding that this is happening because his father is a bad man.  

I will not lie and I will agree to something that will eventually cause harm to my son.  He is currently too young to be affected by this and I will ensure he is never harmed by this insanity.  I will walk away in the knowledge that I was put in an impossible position by a system that is set up for the protection of women only and view men as incapable of parenting.  I will not be controlled by this system and controlled & abused any further by her.  He will know one day that the decision was forced upon me because of her lies and that I could only refute these lies.   I will continue to pay child maintenance and my family will have some contact with my son.  I will keep tabs on her treatment of my son via updates from his nursery and then school.   She wanted me gone and she's getting what SHE wants.  I hope she's happy with what she's achieved.
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#2
Dont walk away!! . you got to play the game ..the long one ..before you know it in time you will have what u want. it is unfair but if u walk away it will just eat u up inside and some days you will be ok and others u will be upset /angry. maybe do the course and be positive knowing that there are many other people in the same position as yourself that feel unfairly treated.you will be the winner in all this when u are seeing your son regular and will be a proud dad again at the end of it. by walking away you are letting your ex win, she may feel clever at moment but the tables will turn
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#3
It is horrendous - these accusations. Immoral, inhuman, yet according to a family court, not illegal! Completely understand how you feel - but can you tell us what stage you're at? If you haven't had a final hearing yet, then a Judge has not seen the evidence and is just going on Cafcass safeguarding recommendations. As Warwickshire says - you play the game - but it is temporary.

You can also appeal I think - and produce some evidence. Get the Police to do their job properly now and give you a report that exonerates you. Get a barrister for a final hearing who will show up her lies and undermine her case.
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#4
My boy used to love seeing me and hated it when it was time for him to go, so I used to give him a Nintendo handheld console to send him to sleep at his mother's.

One morning the police knocked on my door, I made the mistake of letting them in and they explained they were going to search my place because his mother said I stored child pornographic images on the console.

I was arrested, put into a cell for 4 hours, photos, DNA swabs taken the lot. Then placed under a 6 weeks investigation by the CID.

Nothing was found and long story short his mother is now the non resident parent and my boy lives with me.

Dreams do come true. You just need to stay the course. You WILL outlast her.

He's a boy, and the older he gets the more he'll gravitate to dad, more in common. There will be a million and one ways you can inspire him, you come have fun with him then go, he'll see the truth and -sad as it is to say- he'll make her life a living hell, she'll give him up.

Stay strong.
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#5
(02-01-2018, 10:50 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: Dont walk away!!  . you got to play the game ..the long one ..before you know it in time you will have what u want. it is unfair but if u walk away it will just eat u up inside and some days you will be ok and others u will be upset /angry.  maybe do the course and be positive knowing that there are many other people in the same position as yourself that feel unfairly treated.you will be the winner in all this when u are seeing your son regular and will be a proud dad again at the end of it. by walking away you are letting your ex win, she may feel clever at moment but the tables will turn

this answer is spot on , im having simlar issues, and afer 13 months im getting there,, i do agree that its not always in the childs best interest,,,  and the mothers , think it is to cause you so much hurt, for what?? punish you,,
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#6
Ride this through please. The system is a mess. Make sure u see this to the end. Cafcass n courts are blinded and not aways on the right path to following procedures. I find it disgusting that a man bring a victim of assault is not considered as serious or in fact noted. Ive been there. Appealed and won to gain a retrial.
Produce and get ur evidence seen and heard. It may be worth getting counsel to represent u at the final hearing . I didnt and got bull dozed over. However for the appeal I did and my barrister slaughtered the order that was given.
Your son will miss you.
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#7
Sadman. Accept the contact centre. As a temporary thing. I can imagine how it must make you feel but what is the next court hearing for this month? You've had a fact finding hearing. What is the next one? Final hearing? If so you have the opportunity to present a statement and evidence and if you get a Barrister they can cross examine your ex and show she is not telling the truth. And you could well have a different Judge.
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