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The pain
#11
Bills might not be as bad as you think. You would get for example single persons discount on council tax, for one person electric bills can be as low as £20 per month. A little more for gas perhaps.

Food needn’t be expensive either if you shop at Lidl/Aldi or such like.

Free view TV means you can skip Sky/virgin costly prices.

Have a look on money saving expert forums, many on there live extremely frugally and there are also tips on making a wee bit of extra money on paid surveys etc.

Your biggest expense is likely to be furnishings if you buy a place. IKEA would be good for that or Gumtree.

What are house prices like where you live? Where I live the odd flat can be found for around £50-60k.
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#12
I’ve noted all bills and current costs. To rent is more than I currently pay on a mortgage for a 2 bed house. I’ve dropped all luxuries etc. We already shop at ALDI so I know costs for just me and my girl and it’s out of my range.
A two bed house where I live 300k+ to buy, to buy out my ex and take over the house I’ll need a mortgage or 310.
To buy a two bed flat is 260k I live in a city so areas around are expensive.
To rent is more expensive than my mortgage, currently at 840pm to rent 1000-1200pm
Total outgoings with reduced costs per month are 2200.
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#13
(02-07-2018, 11:02 AM)Rjc Wrote: How do you all manage to get over the pain of the one you wanted to spend your life with going off with someone else.  I still live with my ex and it’s horrible as I still love her despite what’s happened yet she goes out till 1am whilst I say in with our baby.  
She’s told me she doesn’t want me anymore and even said she’s a better mum to our child without me.
I have no idea what I’m going to do after we sell the house. She’s going back to her mums with our baby. I can’t afford to rent or buy anywhere, I’ll get money from the house but renting is more expensive than owing a house. With all the bills of a house or renting and with the added costs of csa and nursery for the days I have her it’s ridiculous.
So long and short I’m crying my eyes out every night not knowing when I’m going to see my child when we sell the house, the prospect of being homeless and having no car as well.
I told her everything can be repaired if you stop being so negative and we can still move forward together as a family but she doesn’t want to. I’m so heart broken and it’s horrible.


Practical advice would be 
1. See a solicitor as soon as possible
2. Go to your GP if you can't cope.
3. Eat well,keep active and stay off the booze.
4. Do the 180 - maintaining your composure and dignity is paramount.
5. Do not move out of the house until custody and finances are sorted.
6. Document everything,

You've got to recognise that your relationship is over. 
She doesn't care about you and cannot be trusted on anything.
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#14
my god,,,,,,,,, this is brutel, but,, its the right answers, god help me, im in just the same dam boat, and the point this guys making,, ? everyones different, he sounds very much like myself,, its been over 2.5 years and i still love my ex,, and all she wants to do,, is , fxxxx, someone else,, tbh,, and for get ive ever been in her life, some people can move on , some cannot,, you made a plan,, deep inside you , to find the woman to have a child with,, you cannot give any woman more love , trust, and commitment,, and the boooom,, f off your shit, i dont want you, and your not going to see your child,, and then ,, its all hell, while she carrys on,, thay have no heart,, or sould,, but you still love them,, after two years i was comming back from yet anougher contact,, if thats what you call it,? to see baby,, and i cried, driving home,, at the end of the day,, its a greving , loss, but you no there still around,, and your still crap, in there eyes, try to think off baby, mate,, it wont always help,, but try anyway,, ok,,
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#15
Stay in the house - find a way to have a life/support outside of the house. Try not to worry about finances just now. I know that doesn't solve everything but the first thing is - getting grounded, coping and having some space to think. Get some counselling - it's somewhere to go once a week and helps with decision making. Your GP can refer you. And it might sound corny, but love yourself - if you feel rejected. Remember who you were before you ever got married - the kind of confident person you were, who did interesting things and who people liked. It helps you remember who you are, outside of all this "stuff" going on. And you are a Dad too, so you need to cope to carry on being a Dad.
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#16
(02-07-2018, 02:35 PM)Naive Wrote: I know this is going to sound harsh but my best friend told me this when I lost my family, [I finished it, but trust me she ended it long before and was hanging around with her ex from many years ago]

Man up!!!!!!!

What you do now will decide the next few years and possibly the rest of you and your childs life.
Accept that although your heart is broken hers is not, she has no respect for you and is only looking out for herself and her child now. She is not hurt, she is not sad, she doesnt feel sympathy for you. So dont expect it.
There is another post here called 180 approach, read it 20 times. Its your manual.

Youve got A LOT of work to do so get started. You need to earn money so dont fuck up your job. Find a way to earn more money, any way you can.
Start recording, noting, diarising everything. It could get messy at anytime in the future, even years and youll regret not having evidence.
Living in the same house while she is doing that is torture of the worst kind. Sleeping with another man while living the family home with you and your child means there is never, EVER any turning back and she is most likely out to hurt you. I feel for you its horrific but dont react to anything.
Do you have family? can sofa surf for a while to save money?
Youre about to find out, not who your friends are, but if you actually have any. Dont be surprised, youve only got yourself to rely on. I didnt prepare before I left and I had to sit in the local supermarket cafe with my 1 year old daughter because not one of my friends were there for me.
Stop crying. Once youve got yourself sorted practically, then its time to grieve, cry, mourn. Im so sorry this is harsh but have your pitty party later. Youve got far more important things to do now.
Like Marwood said, youve got some catching up to do.

Im sorry, I mean this with only love, and based on my own experience. We are here for you.

180 can you  put a link id like to see this naive
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#17
It’s this one avadad
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-5429.html
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#18
This too shall pass.

It's short, but covers everything you are experiencing. It's hell, you're really in hell. But it will not last forever, nothing does. *nothing*. *ever*.

Next week, next month, next year, in ten years time, you won't feel like this, things will be different and you will be coping. I lost everything, so has everyone else here. But you haven't topped yourself, and even if you wanted to you wouldn't because of your kids. Life keeps going, the world keeps spinning.

Change is the only constant. Embrace that in all things.
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#19
wow , i no your right ,, still hurts like hell, tho, good reply mate
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