Frustrating Ex Playing Mind Games!

[Twinsanity]

Thanks again Norfolk n Good, I know people on here are all in the same boat and going through similar situations, and I really do appreciate the help, advice and support.

I never prepared myself for any of this as it is so early in their lives and I never had any chance to be a proper dad to my girls, she took that chance away from me and there was no real reason for it, I thought things were good between us until she did what she did, was I meant to ignore the fact she tried to hurt the babies?

What happened between me and her was over a year ago and a one off from my side and no one forced her to come back to live with me, that was her choice, but I will always be punished for that, so my only option is to take my case against her further and see what happens.

From what I have reported regarding the babies and from what she's done to me in the past I should have a good case against her.

I have been advised to let it go but if it helps my case against her I will do everything possible to see my girls, even though this will make things worse between me and her but not sure that's possible right now.

My way of thinking is that if I press charges against her then she should be arrested and hopefully locked up, at least get a criminal record, wishful thinking on my part but I am hoping, that way I will get my babies which I have always wanted and what she never wanted.

I know I am dreaming and this will all be a waste of time but if I don't try, I will never know.

I know what you say about her family there to support her and the babies, but by doing so, she doesn't need to come to me for any support so I see it as they are keeping me from my babies.

I am not very positive right now and I don't feel I can go through any of this to be honest, I am doing all I can at the moment but I don't know I can go on like this too much longer, it is killing me inside being away from my girls and the ex knows how much kids meant to me so using it to punish me, even after she knows I lost my son during pregnancy 13 years ago, she threw it in my face asking if she could take "HER daughters" to see my son, their brother in the cemetery.

I know you say their first memories are from around 3 but when they look back at their first pictures and not 1 picture of me until this gets sorted then they will ask questions, I will know the truth but nasty minds poison fresh minds and I will look the bad guy as always with all us men!

How long will I have to wait before I can get to see them as she refuses to speak to me or let me know how they are, which I thought I had the right to know???

The last time she contacted me was on Whatsapp to send me pictures of the babies, (other than to stalk my profile on another site) she unblocked me 2 days before Mothers day, I thanked her and then asked her about seeing the babies, she asked why I wanted to see babies I didn't believe were mine, I replied why you sending me pictures of babies I don't believe are mine?

She did actually agree to let me see them but didn't say when or where which was always the case with her, made a point of having to get her social worker to be present which wasn't mentioned in previous arrangements, then she made it clear it was all about money rather than the babies, I told her to stop with the money, it is about the babies, I told her I would sort some bits out and get money when I can.

I know it sounds pathetic but I believe they are mine, but i'm not 100% sure, due to the timing of her coming back to live with me 2 days after my court case, The same day as the babies were conceived????

Sorry for going on and on.

[Norfolk n Good]

That's the thing with being human.....we've got feelings and a conscience. Sometimes it helps us and other times we are our own worst enemy. All I'd say is only you can decide what's best, but talking one to one with someone will go some way to helping you see a way through this.

No shame in admitting you are finding things difficult, and if you can write on here, how about going that little bit further and seek some professional help?

[Twinsanity]

The reason I say "no one on my side" is because I did seek help through my GP, he referred me to anger management which turned out to be something else and did not cover that side of things.

They did contact social services where the babies are staying to get information on my behalf, I can't talk to someone who has already made their mind up regarding the babies that makes me feel like I have done wrong as she listens to my ex's side of things.

I have also contacted local services to ask for help for me as I wasn't coping too well and living in an area away from friends and family so I feel alone unless I travel to visit them, which is difficult being on JSA at the moment, I was told by social services there was no help available for me.

I am stubborn and proud and refuse to accept help normally, but since my daughters were born I have asked for help anyway possible and been rejected but picked myself up and asked again.

I was told I could get counselling but I would have to pay myself for this service, not sure I need that just yet.

I have looked online for local groups to join for fathers but found nothing, I am going through the worst time of my life, but I do ask for help and the few real friends are there for me albeit on the end of the phone and not 1 to 1 which is what I need.

After reading some of the posts on here I feel my situation is not worth mentioning as I keep getting told I will see my daughters again, some people are having far worse problems than me.

This problem is far too common and the laws really need to be improved so both parents can see their Children.

[Norfolk n Good]

Is it really anger management that's needed or something else that manifests itself as anger?

According to the link below you can get help on the NHS, but first you need to be able to define what it is that is the issue.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxi...lling.aspx

[Twinsanity]

I felt after what happened with my ex I needed some help, learn to control my anger, especially now with the babies and knowing she will use it against me I felt it was right time for me to ask, like I said, up until the babies were born I refused to ask for any help at all, I will do anything and everything possible to see my girls again so I felt now is that right time.

I don't think I am suffering from depression, I think it is anxiety and stress but my GP refused to give me anything as I was drinking to cope with all that was going on, bit of a catch 22 situation but I don't need drink or anything else, I just need my daughters.

[Norfolk n Good]

If you aren't drinking then I'd be going back to the practice where you're registered and ask to see another GP, bearing in mind the information contained in the link I posted above.

Not all GP's are the same.

[Twinsanity]

My practice only has the 1 GP, I trust his opinion, but feel there should be more made available, he told me the services are useless here.

I read through the information in the link you sent and they are the 2 things that stood out for me.

The 1 thing I saw was borderline personality disorder which I believe is something my ex may suffer from, she seems to get confused with the reality of certain things and other times she seems fine, that is me being genuine and not trying to make fun of her as some people I spoke to thought I was.

Other people I have spoke to regarding her behaviour suggested to me that it sounded like she had that or bipolar.

I am no expert but from reading up on the link you said I would say BPD was more towards how she is or was towards the end before leaving.

I will be honest I have a few beers most days, I can stop but it just helps me to relax, when my ex took the babies I was drinking a 1.5 Litre bottle of whiskey in less than 3 days, I knew I had to stop that so I did.

I am strong willed when it comes to addiction, I know if I feel I am going wrong and put a stop to it, I wish I was as strong with other aspects of my life.

[Twinsanity]

Hi, I posted a while ago regarding my frustrating ex and her stopping me from seeing the girls.

I wanted to update you and have pretty much followed advice and kept myself to myself, I have seen a free advice solicitor who suggested sending a recorded letter to her saying I missed the girls and even added I was missing her as advised, which she received and signed for last Friday, and got a response through a family member Monday just gone, on Tuesday she emailed me asking if she could come and get some bits for her and the babies, I said "yes", and asked if she would be bringing the girls but she said "No", she is waiting for me to get a court order.

I received a call from the ex today asking if I was ok, I said "yes" and asked how she was, she said "fine" She asked if I wanted to see the girls, My jaw dropped with excitement, I said "yes, I would love to" to which she replied "then you had better get a court order soon then as I have seen what you posted on Facebook" then hung up.

I haven't posted nothing on Facebook about her, just random posts

I really don't know what else to do!

I have tried mediation and they want £96 to go ahead, I am not working so can't afford this right now so I am just going to give up and walk away, I want to know if there is any way of taking my name off the babies Birth Certificates as I don't know if they are mine as she is refusing a DNA test. 

My friends are concerned I am getting too stressed out over this now so I feel it is now time to try and start my life over by myself, I am done with her mind games so I will no longer give her the attention she craves and let her get on with it.