Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Is it worth applying?
#11
Sounds to me you have every leg to stand on and she has none - yes apply for everything stated here, I'm sure the courts will find in your favour if it gets to that.

Best of luck!
Reply
#12
(02-20-2018, 06:53 AM)Ghostdancer Wrote: Update on this.  My ex has flatly refused mediation so I've contacted her solicitor, as requested, but still waiting for a response. I've also made several attempts with a mediator to set up a meeting but they're not getting back to me so I'm still no further down the line.

My ex had my daughter for the full weekend and only informed me of times returning after I'd contacted her to find out. There was no consideration from her part and when I asked for our daughter to be back for a certain time she responded with a later time; end of, no discussion.  I informed my daughter and ex that I had plans with my daughter for the full weekend coming up, only for my ex to play the emotional card on my daughter and say she wanted to make plans for the Sunday. I don't want my daughter being put in the middle, she's been through a lot, so agreed saying we'll rearrange our plans for another day. I informed my ex of this good news only to receive a response of 'leave me alone'.  

I fear that my best attempts to be fair are being ignored and my ex will refuse any proposals made for the arrangement order. My best intentions and interests are with my daughter in mind but it would appear this is not the same for my ex, who is willing to disregard any of my requests or responsibilities as a father.

Her solicitor wont do anything ... just to do what the ex says ... keep trying the mediation company and then you can start court if that is where you want to go... but at 16 years of age... kid can pretty much decide... by the time you get through the court ... she'll be headed off as an adult anyway.

If you get residency and the ex works she will need to pay your CSA ... so that's a consideration

Arguing over times and cr*p... sorry ... its normal ... dont waste too much energy.  Try to agree with the ex that weekend means 6pm Friday to 6pm Sunday... end of ... if she comes at 6:30pm you will get to watch more of the footy.. really don't worry too much... if she comes back at 1:30am - then that is an issue!

If she had the kids last weekend .... you have her this weekend UNLESS you ALL AGREE to make change ... you need to start setting some boundaries here. 

All attempts to be reasonable and the model 'co-parent' will be met with aggression or blunt responses or ignored.. get used to that... sorry that's just the way it is... but continue to be that parent you want to be ... do not stoop to her level... just smile and your kid will work it all out eventually.

As for your last point... amazing how they change eh? I literally watch my ex damage my kids mental health in order to win a battle she has with me.... i would have never have thought she was capable of it the day they were born... but some of the ex's hate you more than they love their kids and this is what drives them now... hard luck ... you got one... its a big club so welcome!
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#13
My ex apologised for the 'leave me alone' comment putting it down to a bad day.

She has flatly refused to mediation and her solicitor has not mentioned anything about this in their email to me today. They have simply said that I am now refusing to sell the house, with no context behind it.  They have asked me to now provide a whole host of financial information, including 3 valuations, mortgage eligibility, payslips etc,  so they can review. They have also asked my ex for her financial information.  Reading some comments on here I was under the impression that the child arrangement order could be requested without the need for providing such information and discussing finances could be achieved after.

I don't qualify for free legal aid but I am also going to struggle to pay potentially large solicitors costs so any advice or comments on past experiences around this further development would be greatly appreciated.   Thanks
Reply
#14
She can refuse mediation... but that gives you a route to court if you want it... she must understand that ... but don't tell her... her solictor is charging her 200 quid a hour not to mention stuff like this (face-palm)

As for the house... first thing is do you want to sell?
Does she want to buy it?
There are plenty of options...
Do you want to buy her share?
If yes, she will need to provide a sales value or ask her to buy you out
Any disagreement - get a independent surveyor valuation (you need one) and they value the house less than the estate agents normally - useful if you buy her share... otheriwse will only mater what you sell it for .... valuation could be wrong but go for low valuation in case she demands you buy her out
Payslips - nothing to do with her ... CMS or court could ask for them but don't give them over

I agree ... child arrangements 1st ... don't mix it with house that may take a year to sort out and kids needs a day 24/7 eh?

Plus ... she left the house ... you need a place to care for your daughter ... reckon you could stay in the house with your daughter as the resident parent ntil she leaves full time education and your ex would pay you child maintenance .... because that is the normal thing that happens if the sexes were reversed

Go for residency ...
Don't sell house until kids leaves home
Wife pays you maintenance

Need others help here ... but that would be my plan
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#15
Your biggest advantage is your child is 16 and wants to stay with you. That I am pretty sure means you get residency. You get to stay n the house and get child maintenance as LTCDAD says.

They know this and that is why they avoid the child arrangement issue.
Reply
#16
Ok. They are refusing mediation and they want to talk divorce and house finances. You don't. You want a Child Arrangements order. I would apply quickly. Or she may keep daughter and you'll have problems then. Do you have it in writing that she is refusing mediation (doesn't matter what the mediation is for?). Have you had a MIAM? (First mediation appointment).If not go to one asap. Google local mediators, ring round and take the first appointment you can get with one of them. If you say it's urgent they often fit you in. You get information about mediation at this appointment. And you can take Form C100 with you and ask them to sign their bit so you can apply to court. And tell them Ex is categoric she doesn't want to mediate. Mediator may try to persuade you to wait and let her invite ex to mediation but just be assertive and stick to your request to be signed off. I found that quite hard, but had to just stick it out. I did say I was happy to come back and try mediation at some point, to resolve any issues, but right now I needed child arrangements sorted urgently.

Start filling in your C100 and working on the wording for the summary for the application. They can wait for all the stuff about house and finances. Might be an idea to change the locks on the house if you haven't already. At this stage you can't trust anyone. Her Solicitor can advise her on all the loopholes and make life very difficult.
Reply
#17
Thanks for the replies. I've had numerous emails from the ex, categorically stating she is refusing mediation. I've received an email from the mediators with an appointment for this Friday which I was pensive about accepting considering the email and demands from her solicitor.

Ex, who has been living with her new partner for 6mths, has suddenly this week said that she's looking for a new house and she's been to see one today (renting). I may be cynical but I believe she's doing this solely as a way of causing an issue with the arrangement order. She could get a 6 month lease and claim that not selling the property will disadvantage her financially. Not sure how this approach would work bearing in mind she's still paying half of all bills for the matrimonial home so if anything, she may be better off.

Is it just me who's confusing the financial aspect with the arrangement order? My daughter has said since day one she wants to live with me and has said that she sees her mum more as a friend so lacks routine and, from my perspective, a lack of respect.
Reply
#18
When you apply for child arrangement order, financial settlement/fairness etc is not discussed at all in court. It is not about money at all.

They would only be interested on your current living arrangements and potential future practicalities.
Reply
#19
(02-21-2018, 07:07 PM)Ghostdancer Wrote: Is it just me who's confusing the financial aspect with the arrangement order?  

Yep, those 2 things are not linked and most women think they are... that is their downfall

Pay your bills, support your kid, divorce process will sort out the rest - painful but it will happen

That 16 year old still woke up needing / wanting a mum and dad in her life this morning... your money challenges do not change that so child arrangements (best if you don't go to court and go to mediation and agree on how it will work) need to happen no matter what the background
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#20
Get this into court ASAP. You need to be very robust with your ex as she clearly has a plan which involves stitching you up. The longer it goes on the longer she has to mess with your daughter's head.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Cafcass - Applying for a Needs, Wishes and Feelings JamieRWebb 4 5,744 03-23-2017, 06:57 AM
Last Post: JamieRWebb
  applying for a non-molestation order on mother while also seeking residence? macbeth102 7 8,870 03-21-2017, 12:04 PM
Last Post: LTCDAD
  Experiences applying for contact order mhamill6 9 13,389 12-15-2016, 10:44 AM
Last Post: StartingLifeAgain
  Is it worth going to court? BigBaz 3 5,635 11-18-2016, 07:50 AM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)