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Is it worth applying?
(02-22-2018, 07:47 AM)LTCDAD Wrote:
(02-21-2018, 07:07 PM)Ghostdancer Wrote: Is it just me who's confusing the financial aspect with the arrangement order?  

Yep, those 2 things are not linked and most women think they are... that is their downfall

Pay your bills, support your kid, divorce process will sort out the rest - painful but it will happen

That 16 year old still woke up needing / wanting a mum and dad in her life this morning... your money challenges do not change that so child arrangements (best if you don't go to court and go to mediation and agree on how it will work) need to happen no matter what the background

She's not willing to attend, flatly refused several times, so mutual agreement is unlikely.  I've got mediation booked for 1/3 and have printed off the C100 form to take with me. 

Ex is now attempting to make plans with our daughter without any consultation to me or consideration of whether we've already got something arranged. This is placing my daughter in a difficult position of not wanting to upset either side. I appreciate she's 16 but in my view this is a very underhand way of going about things and using our daughter as a pawn.
Yes you need to get to mediation and court. It sounds like your ex is trying all the tricks to keep daughter away from you. Do you have any kind of document that shows daughter lives in the house with you? Anything with her name and address and the date on? Is it registered at school that she lives with you at that address? And at the GP. If not - get it confirmed in writing. Write to GP/School just confirming that you are the Father of Jane Blogs and she lives with you at the above address. That her address not changed but you and her Mother have separated. And to have this noted on her documents please.

That way - if ex takes daughter away you have evidence that she actually lived there (sometimes people lie and say - no daughter never lived there with him, she left with me). People lie when it comes to trying to prevent contact/residency. And although you may think daughter might tell the truth, she could be pressurised and manipulated into saying otherwise. Daughter is now smack bang in the middle.

Forget about finances for now - just focus on getting a Child Arrangements order. As the mediation appointment isn't for a week, start filling out the C100. Start drafting your wording for the summary box. I wrote "Please see attached sheet" in the summary box and typed my bit on a sheet of A4. At the top of the sheet you need to put "Application of Joe Blogs for Child Arrangements Order" and at the bottom, copy the wording from under the summary box with the Statement of Truth (which you sign and date on the separate page at the bottom of your typed summary). So be 100% truthful in that (no reason not to be). Basically in the summary you want - What you wish to apply for, what the brief circumstances are eg separated on x date, my former wife Jenny moved out and my daughter Jane lives in the former marital home with me. I have been unable to agree child arrangements with Jenny who has declined mediation, and currently is not allowing my daughter to return at the agreed times. I therefore respectfully request the court for an order than Jenny lives with me and spends every other week-end and Thursday nights with her Mother plus half the school holidays. I have concerns that my daughter may not be returned and hence my application. Although my daughter is 16 and has confirmed she wishes to remain living with me in her home, she is also young enough to still feel pressurised into doing what her Mother decides.

Sort of thing.
That's great, thanks!. Yes, I have documentation proving her address, including her NI ltr from the Govt, bank statements etc. The school option is good, never thought of that so thank you. My ex is very manipulating and calculating and this is proven by her moving out of her current residence, shared with her partner, so she can 'evidence' financial concerns. I can see what she's doing; taking a 6mth short term lease on a house and then move back in with partner once this is all done.

And thank you for an example of completing the C100 form. My ex will claim I kicked her out, that she was forced out. Whilst I did ask her to leave, this was only after I found out about her and her new lover which i'm confident anyone in my position would have done. But she will claim victim behaviour and will do it well, she's very, very good at that
If you get residency and she is in rented accommodation they will consider her adequately housed.

It is only likely to change if she gets residency.

In lawyer speak. ‘The Money Follows The Children’
That is a good point Hazy makes. Keep focused on residency of daughter and put financial issues out of mind for now. It seems that your ex's motivation for renting a house may be so she can get residency of daugher. Get your application in quick! I know it's hard when a relationship has ended not to think along the lines of she is like this,she is doing that, but you need to try and stay/sound totally child focused for court things - avoid any criticism of her as that can be seen as mud slinging (goes against you). Avoid anything that sounds like point scoring. Stick to facts and what you are trying to achieve. Which is an order that daughter lives with you. I don't want to be a doom-monger but there is a risk that when ex has rented this house,she may not return daughter, and have worked on daughter to agree with her. Although I expect you would still get to see daughter as she is 16. This is not the end of the world as you are going for a court order, and until there is one, legally neither of you has a "lives with" order and are both equal in that sense. It is more the case of actuality - ie if daughter lives in your home she lives with you, but if she lives in her Mother's new home and sees less of you then she is living there - if you get what I mean. And your ex will claim daughter lives with her.

If you get your application in before this happens (ie before ex moves into her rented house or before daughter isn't returned and effectively lives with ex) then it is clear ex has done this AFTER you applied to court and you can honestly and truthfully say in your application that daughter lives with you. Get it in quick! Have you had a mediation appointment? What you could do is have the first one, ask to get signed off, apply to court and then continue with mediation meanwhile.

Courts like to see people have tried mediation but in some circumstances,the delay can cause more problems (or you know it isn't going to change anything). Mediators will also try and persuade you to try it. But if you keep repeating that you want to be signed off,they have to do it. The only legal requirement for applying to court is to have attendeda MIAM (first appointment) and being signed off shows you have attended the MIAM. But there is nothing to stop you saying to the mediator - this is urgent and I need to apply to court, but I am happy to try mediation at a later stage over main issues.

And there is nothing to stop you going for a second MIAM with a different mediator,after your application is submitted, and that mediator inviting the ex to attend (she may have more motiviation to attend if an application has gone in!) You may or may not get some things agreed at mediation, but you cannot trust agreements, sadly. Only a court order. If the ex goes along and says she agrees everything and is happy to have it in a consent order - fine,but you don't withdraw your application - you say the consentorder can be stamped at the first hearing.

Sorry if I've repeated anything said before - having a hectic day.
The issues are still on going but I have another question which I'm hoping someone can help with.

The matrimonial home is jointly owned but she loved out several months ago. The plumbing is knackered and will cost a bit to repair. This is impacting on quality not life for our daughter because until it's fixed I'm having to turn water off at the mains and only turn on twice a day for essentials.

I can't afford the repairs on my own, without getting in to debt, and my ex is refusing to pay anything towards the essential repairs. Her solicitor isn't replying either.

Where do I stand here. Can I stipulate that, if I borrow to fund the repairs, that her half plus interest, can come from her half of the equity when the house is sold. Or is there anything else I can do?
I’m genuinely not taking the piss but a lot of plumbing you can do yourself if you have to with some good YouTube videos. Worth looking at?
Very time consuming though! Although you can use plastic pipes these days so no welding. But I know what you mean if it's an old house that completely needs re-plumbing that can be a big expensive job. How about doing a short term temporary job and getting a plumber out just to replumb the bit from the mains to the kitchen tap or something. Not too big or expensive a job but you have cold running water.

To be honest I would just get it done and find the money and worry about whether you can get it back as part of the divorce later. I would think, when the house is valued you could add the value of the new plumbing job. Or is there an option to do an equity release to pay for the plumbing job - makes not a lot of difference to your mortgage and adds to the house value-ish. I know that can be tricky if the house is in joint names and it may need two signatures. I would not mention it at all to the ex or she'll be saying it's not suitable or something.
It's a big job and I have no experience with plumbing at all. I know what you mean though. If it was just something small it wouldn't be an issue
I think I would get a loan, get the job done and try and get it offset against the house value at time of financial divorce thing. Is it just water pipes? Sometimes central heating system/pipes are newer and on a separate system (ie not via a hot water tank but via a combi boiler). Depending how much there is to do it would probably be a £4,000 job. If you have the time though, it could be quite satisfying to save the money and do it yourself - a friend of mine (female) went to night class to learn how to do plumbing and fitted her own central heating system. I wouldn't do it myself though!

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