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Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next?

Still in the shelter, it runs until the 11th. Getting very frustrated, it's been a particular shyty week.

Been waiting for some movement on the equity release but got word today that the ex refuses to release it unless I agree to pay for the redecoration of the flat. Very frustrating.

I viewed a room last week that I'd love to take which makes it all the more annoying.

I was supposed to see my son this Sunday but the ex wouldn't let my uncle supervise - She said she can't make a judgement as to the suitability of the arrangement as she doesn't know him well enough (only 14 years!) and hasn't been to his house before. So frustrating, that's my sons own flesh and blood!

Got the forms to apply for the CAO but should I send it off without having an address for the kids to stay? .. Doubt that'd work in my favour!
Could you take the room without the equity release. It is outrageous that you are homeless and she is demanding redecoration! Would you get benefits to help with housing support? Or could you say pay 6 months up front somehow? They often won't do a tenancy in your situation, but if you offer to pay the first 6 months upfront (the tenancy is usually an initial 6 months and then month by month). Or if it's a private room rental. It's hard but I'd be tempted to ask relatives for a bit of financial help to get you set up until you get the equity release - even if just paying your rent for 3 months or something.

I think if you don't have an address for the kids to stay you could apply for a progressing order. eg Supervised contact until you have your own place, progressing to overnight contact twice a week eg, progressing to every other week-end and a midweek night.

In your application summary it is expected to put a bit of history anyway - about separation etc. So you could put that you separated on x date by way of finding your wife had moved out and taken the children with her and was living with her parents. That you applied for a Child Arrangements order, but in the meantime, reached agreement on Child Arrangements of x days a week, so you withdrew the application, but since then your wife has changed her mind and will now only agree to 2 hours a week supervised contact at a relative's home. Your wife then applied for an occupation order of the marital home, which was found in her favour. That you had to move out at fairly short notice and became homeless as a result and are still waiting for the agreed equity release before you can afford to find a home. That as you are currently homeless you propose contact at your relatives home for x hours a week, progressing to regular overnight contact when you have been rehoused. And wish the court to make an order as follows:

And then set it out

eg The children will spend time with their Father every Sunday from 1pm to 3pm and every Wednesday from 1pm to 6pm until such time as the Father has found a new home, at which time the children will live with their Father every other week-end and every Wednesday night with their Father, and half the school holidays. The children will live with their Mother at all other times. With schedule and holidays to be defined.
Thanks. Will look into the progressing order.

Council won't pay still because technically I still have a mortgage unfortunately. Same with legal aid etc.

To be fair, the ex doesn't know my housing situation. So although she's outrageous asking me to pay for redecoration, she's not doing it despute knowing I'm homeless. I'm not telling here because it'll just get used against me. She keeps demanding my address but I just ignore it - She has no right to know - ill tell her when I have a place and my kids are allowed to come and visit. She still thinks I have to appease her every demand or else I am being abusive and manipulative... Its best to just ignore it all.

My family don't have much and they've already paid a portion of legal fees. I told my solicitor to tell the oompa loompa that I'd pay 500 out of the equity for redecoration if I get payment within 10 days. That's despite me having a video that shows she messed up the flat after I left and took photos!

It's so funny. While she wanted to come in the flat all she talked about was 'financial seperation'. Surprise suprise now she's in its not her top priority anymore.
This is a very unfair Catch 22. Good that you gave a deadline of 10 days. If you get the equity in 10 days though, will your name still be on the mortgage? Although presumably then the council wouldn't help anyway if you have the cash/equity. I think you need to be pushing to get your name off the mortgage as well - because all the while she is living there - if she stops paying it, the building society will come after you for payment if it's still in joint names. On the other hand if you didn't pay it either they could repossess it - which doesn't affect you at all and she's not likely to risk that.

Hang in there - and yes it's better she doesn't know you're homeless or she'd try and use that against you. I would hang fire on the C100 a little bit - you're getting the contact a few hours a week on a Sunday for now (will that start up again this week?). Once you have the money and can get your own place, you'd be in a better position to ask for more in the Child Arrangements application.
Yeah, I'm supposed to be seeing my son this Sunday....can't wait. He messaged me and he's excited too :-)

I went to the doctors today and despite the Oompa Loompa claiming my mental health is shot, I've actually been discharged now. The doc gave me a letter saying since he's been seeing me I've never self harmed (my ex says different). That's the doctors (who saw me regulary) and the school who vouch for my appearance during a period she says I was black and blue through self harm. She's insane.

I don't hold much hope of the ex agreeing to pay up. She actually has an agreement in place already that has been accepted by the mortgage co, it's all ready to go apparently - This would take me off the mortgage and get me the money - it's just she's refusing to release it unless I pay 4k to redecorate.

Guess the only option after that is to try and force a sale but I fear that would leave me with nothing if I lose. On the plus side, when my property was valued it was criminaly undervalued...if I threaten a forced sale then surely the value will have to be relooked at?... That could work to my benefit perhaps. She'd be even more stubborn than I thought to risk losing the flat over 4k.
If you don't mind me asking, how much equity would you get if you let her have the extra 4k? Just wondering if it might be worth cutting losses on that. It's a lot for decorating though! Could your solicitor not send a letter stating that you left the flat in a clean and tidy condition and you have photograpic evidence of this. And therefore will not be paying £4,000 when there was no issue in the first place. That you will pay £1,000 towards redecoration, if she wishes, as a sign of goodwill, but only if the equity is released to your solicitor and in their bank account within 10 days, with a deadline of 11am on x date. ie just sit it out. Or have you already agreed to the 4k.

I thought you had other kids as well - is she only letting you see your son?
My solicitor has already sent her the video I made showing the flat was not in the condition she has alledged - you would think that would be the end of it but my ex isn't interested in facts, she never gives in which is why I'm in this position. In her world, her word trumps evidence.

The offer of £500 to redecorate and release my funds has been made to the ex so we shall see what happens.

Yes, I have a 10 year old daughter too. Since February last year I've been told she wants no contact with me. It's strange because as I mentioned, she messaged me begging to take her to Legoland and to 'go out for fun on Sundays' . Unfortunately when I put this in a letter my exs solicitors said it was just an 'off the cuff' remark. So no, I don't see my daughter on Sundays, just my son unfortunately.

It's the same old nonsense. I was told no contact, but now she accuses me of not contacting her.
You could send your daughter the odd postcard, just to let her know you still think about her - you don't know what she's been told.
I sent her letters and WhatsApp messages but she told me she didn't ever see them (when I saw her last April).

I made her a birthday card at the end of last year with her name on the front followed by the word 'is' with a photo of each year of her life on seperate pages inside with a word on each pic saying things like... Amazing... Beautiful.... Clever.... Caring etc. The last image was a pic of me and her with the word 'loved' on. I got a friend to post it to the door and leave gifts. I've no idea if it was given to her and never heard anything back.
That's f*cking heartbreaking man - my heart goes out to you

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