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Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next?
#31
I had to try and get medical information about son recently. I had also read somewhere that it is at the Doctor's discretion whether or not to disclose full medical records. So I went with a lesser approach and asked for any recent diagnoses about son. Had intended to follow up with a request for full medical records but just dipped toe in the water first.

I sent a fairly formal letter introducing myself as Father of son, saying I had equal parental responsibility with his Mother, that son had two homes and asking for my details to be kept on his medical records and enclosing a certified copy of my driving licence for identity and a certified copy of son's birth certificate to prove parental responsbility. I also offered to come in and meet the Doctor if preferred. I then said I understand son has had need to visit the surgery recently and requested any recent diagnoses.

I received a good reply confirming my details would be put on the records and the details I had asked for. It's a lesser thing for a Doctor than to have to send full medical records. But once you are"known" that may be easier to ask for later.

Your letter may be different if you are already known by the surgery.

Anyway it sounds like your ex has taken him for some kind of counselling or psychology appointment and probably coached him - to get evidence against you.

Do not worry too much. It always looks suspicious to a court if a parent has done this at a time of separation, unless a court has ordered counselling or a psychologist's report.

I think your priority right now is to get your application into court and not delay because your ex is alienating the children. This is not a lost cause but the sooner you get a court order the better. I would suggest asking your solicitor to write again saying, in view of their response, and matters not progressing, they will be submitting the application to court immediately rather than waiting until 28th February.

Have you been for a MIAM? Can't remember. You would need that first. If you haven't - get an appointment with a mediator asap - say it is urgent and get an early appointment (I got one within 24 hours when I said it was urgent). You need that to apply to court. If ex has already declined mediation then the application can go. Ask your solicitor anyway.

Support: Maybe try and get some counselling for you - should be free through GP. Call the samaritans if or when you need to. They're not just for when people are suicidal and can be a Godsend in a moment of crisis and have magic words that help you clear your head and decide things etc. And it gets it out.

This is an awful time,but hold it together because you need your stamina to get this dealt with and get your kids back. Hold on to that to keep you going. They need you. They are ok but probably confused.
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#32
Another update. I am interested to find out anyone's thoughts - I don't often use the word 'flabbergasted'!

This afternoon I collected a print out of the details of my son's gp appointment.

I have already spoken to the Doctors Secretary regarding some troubling content. The doctor is due to call me on Monday afternoon to discuss.

When I was suffering from my period of depression toward the end of 2016, I had two stays in hospital as a voluntary patient. The doctors at the time said if I stayed in hospital they could monitor my change in medication. I agreed.

In my son's doctors report there are various statements that bother me but most of all is the following sentence...

'Dad has mental health problems and has been sectioned several times'.

I have never in my life been sectioned, let alone several times.

I am incredibly disappointed that my own doctors, of whom I am in regular contact with and have put my trust in would make a false statement of this kind on my son's permanent record. If it we're not for my asking my son if he had gone to school that day, and him telling me 'no I went to the doctors' I would never have even asked to view the records (I just wanted to see if he was ok).

After my depression and resulting stays in hospital I have been for follow ups with a psychologist in the very same building as the doctor in question. When I called earlier today I asked the secretary if both gps and psychologists liase - I was told that they do. Yet obviously in this matter it has not been the case.

As far as I can tell there are only two scenarios. 1) my ex deliberately told this false information to the doctors. 2) the doctor has mistakingly written this on the record.

Both of which situations are completely unacceptable to me for a while variety of reasons as you can imagine.

I have the phone calls to both the mental health department and the doctors secretary recorded. Both said that it is unacceptable, and completely agree that it is not surprising that my trust in my own GP has been compromised, this is particularly difficult considering they are to help.

How can a person say something so outlandish and so important to a doctor about me, and have it recorded as a matter of fact when it is not true whatsoever?


Any advice is much appreciated.
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#33
Hello, thanks for all your advise. Quick update...

I have stopped the court application for the CAO. Eventually the ex agreed (through solicitor correspondence) that I can call to speak to the children twice a week at set times on the phone. Unfortunately, right off the bat she didn't answer my calls. It's hard to take, but I have also run out of money - So I'm winding things up with the solicitor. It's heartbreaking because it's not just me, my family haven't seen the children since before Christmas which seems so unfair to me.

With regards to the property, I am entitled to half the equity which from my valuations would work out at about 100k+. But I have reached an agreement with the ex that I will accept her previous suggestion of 40k. At least that way she will have more money from the sale of the property (she wants to sell it and get a 2 bed house) and the kids will have more chance of a garden and a nice home near school. I figure because I can't see them it's the least I could do to contribute toward their future.
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#34
I've only just seen this. I don't think you should withdraw your application personally. That must have been devastating seeing the medical records (and yes you should put them straight) but don't let that put you off.
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#35
Thanks for your words but I have already cancelled the cao.

I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to fight it. The crazy thing is I have parental responsibility - but I am still denied any access by their mother.

Feeling very sad indeed - Going from a stay at home dad to no contact is gut wrenching. I've actually been looking at a completely fresh start and moving abroad once I have to leave the property which should be soon as we have agreed on 40k.
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#36
Hi so sorry for you mate. You sound like a very decent bloke and you obviously have your children's best interest in mind.

I know how it feels. I have also considered giving up many times, but in the end I just couldn't. I realised that not seeing my child however brief will drive me insane slowly but surely.

Take some time off and think about it. You can always go back and apply for a new CAO later and you don't even need solicitors or barristers if you don't have money. Just go there and be yourself, I am sure you will get some contact. You will end up treasuring your time with your child. Good luck.
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#37
Well I'm back to update.

A several weeks back my ex decided to suprise me with an occupation order and a NMO. We went to an initial hearing and we have the real deal on Dec 7.

Her statement was full of lies not surprisingly. Apart from her statements to CAHMS which I didn't know about, literaly the only peice of evidence she provides is bank statement. The thing is, the bank statement is from the wrong year....it's from Xmas 17 rather than the period she refers to in her statement of Xmas 18. Other than that there is no other evidence apart from a photo of a bite (not from me!...but my son). She asks he court to note that in the statement I'm paying £400 regularly into my personal co-op account - thing is I've never had a Co-Op account. She also says I got a payout from my old job, but my evidence shows a letter saying there was no payout. It's all bizzare. All her dates are wrong - and I have a letter from the school which contradicts why she says about school runs, my appearance, meetings etc. The school even apologized to me because when my ex filled out the CAHMS form they didn't list me under family members (I have PR). The school informed CAHMS of the error.

She saw me on in April 1st and afterward sent me a message saying 'I had clearly been self harming' but that 'I would not remember because of the crisis I was in'..thing is, that day i happened to (thank God) have seen the doctor. He's written a letter in my evidence saying there was no evidence of self harming.

She says my daughter wants no contact but I have messages from her begging me to take her to Legoland and she said she would ask mummy and hopes she says a big fat yes...clearly she didn't.

So anyway - she had a mortgage capacity of over 100k and my equity is 80odd. We are not married. Her only offer which I've rejected is 6k. (That's not a typo)
There's so many other lies but no evidence.

Pooing it to be fair, in a couple of weeks I could be homeless with just 6k, court costs ontop of my debts, a NMO and unable to see my kids.

Honestly think if I lose I'm going to just start over in a new country, I cant spend my life with her dictating everything.


She says I'm passive aggressive!...there are no accusations of violence or threats of violence. It's all about money.

Edit: Almost forgot. She says her and the kids have to share a bedroom and don't have room at her parents. They have a 5 bedroom house (all doubles) with ensuites on a private road valued at 1.3 mill... She says I could vacate and live with my mum. I provided evidence of this too.

Jesus wept.
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#38
You wont end up with 6k but a lot more. You also need to fight and make sure you see your children.
All that has been fired at you is accusations and thats all they are. Anyone can accuse someone of ridiculous things. she wants you to give up leave u with nothing , dont give up . What she is saying you have done is crazy go and see some close friends ..in a few days you will feel better and stop fearing the worst. school have apologized and reminded her of an error for example, shes being unreasonable, your daughter wants to actually see you, shes said u self harm but your doctor claims the opposite. family courts will see she is making up lies but wont actually tell her so. all u got to is take her to court be calm and child focused and dont react to her allegations..the more the better. u only provide evidence if asked to do so. otherwise u can just state what she is saying is untrue and is done out of malice to prevent child/children from seeing their father
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#39
I do have a few Qs actually.

Will she be able to change the statement in her evidence because it's the wrong one? It's already been signed and sent.

In her statement she lies about dates trying to create a false timeline. Since I submitted my statement I called the police got a cad no. and it turns out the date she gave the court is a year and a half out. Can I bring that up in court or because I didn't submitt it, is it no longer accepted even for discussion?

I was very happy with my statement but there was a lot more hard evidence I wanted to put in. But my solicitor said the court could not bother reading it and that we don't want to bombard them. They told me we have to be careful to not attack her too much because I'm the one being taken to court by her. Does this seem right and similarity to above...can I bring this up if I have more evidence? My biggest worry is the judge will say 'you don't have evidence to prove that' when I've got documents/photos/recordings at home.

I'm going in blind so don't know what to expect TBF.
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#40
Holy schmokes ! I’ve just read all 4 pages of this thread, I’m really rooting for you. I wish I could offer some advice but I can’t. I only hope that karma delivers you a massive dose of goodness and you are rewarded with your kids soon (because she sure as heck sounds like she has some issues and shouldn’t have them). The dates of your posts and how long this is all taking makes for a depressing read about how long the system takes.
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