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Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next?
#41
(02-23-2018, 02:01 AM)Sector78G Wrote:  - I don't often use the word 'flabbergasted'!

You will.
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#42
Sorry, not sure what you mean?...do you mean I'll be flabbergasted how biased he court is likely to be?

I'll let you all know how the 7th goes for those that have followed.

Btw if her NMO is by some miracle thrown out, what usually happens with costs in these situations? I mean, if I can prove everything she said are lies (which I can without doubt), and she brought me to court - Do I still have to incure all the costs?

If that's the case surely anybody can say anything about anyone and financially ruin them with no comeback. There must be some protection in place for those eventualities?
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#43
Costs are rarely awarded in familly courts. So yes each party pays their own costs regardless of outcome. Unless the judge is really pissed off for some reason and suspects bad faith.

And good luck.
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#44
(11-28-2018, 04:52 PM)Sector78G Wrote: Sorry, not sure what you mean?...do you mean I'll be flabbergasted how biased he court is likely to be?
Nothing so specific. It's just a wry comment on the whole situation. After a while a sense of humour kicks in. Sometimes it's our best defense. Almost a secret weapon because I've never heard anything to suggest our STBXs actually have one. I don't know if it actually helps but at least it doesn't make anything worse.
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#45
Oh ok...Know what you mean. This was all tougher to deal with at first, but after a while you become numb to it. Things she says now that would have kept me up all night don't even register. That not to say I don't have my moments - I just know it will pass after some sleep or seeing friends.
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#46
(11-28-2018, 06:23 PM)Sector78G Wrote: Oh ok...Know what you mean. This was all tougher to deal with at first, but after a while you become numb to it. Things she says now that would have kept me up all night don't even register. That not to say I don't have my moments - I just know it will pass after some sleep or seeing friends.

It's 14 months for me and still hits hard. It's hard to think it will ever pass completely. I hope it does eventually.
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#47
Update: So the ex, after recieving my witness statement has made a new offer. She has gone from 6k to the full 50% (73,000) minus living expenses for the time I've been at the property and transfer costs - I'd get 63,000.

On the surface it seems as though I should accept. But not too sure as I'm getting conflicting advice from friends and family. All they see is the money side of things but I still have a NMO (and potential OO hearing in 4 days.)

It's much more important to me to defend myself and prove that she has been lying. I'd rather take a hit on money and have her allegations shown to be wrong - I believe in my evidence. If I get a positive result in court i won't have to spend the rest of my days as a father with my tail between my legs when I inevitably see her family at events and pickups etc - that's much more important to me than money. After a year she now offers the 50% I've been asking for - she is simply using the court system as a scare tactics and because it didn't work she's backed down partly. She's such a joke that after my statement said she hadn't made any effort to involve my family with the children she sent my mum a birthday card. A month after her birthday!

It's a hard decision to make, I have to consider the court costs, even though I think she should be liable, and also I'm told a NMO would affect my future CAO application. I feel as though she must be bricking it over being questioned in court now the time is approaching - remember she supplied NO evidence with her statements apart from some reports to services that she said herself. Most of her evidence was serches for places I could rent for 6k - the properties were 2 roads away from the family home yet she is applying for a NMO... It's beyond crazy.

My solicitor has said if I agree to the payment she will contact them and ask for the NMO to be dismissed - trouble is I know my ex and she will claim blackmail or that I forced her into it. I need her to drop this nonsense herself so I have the moral high ground - either that or its court in 4 days.

It's gut wrenching to have to consider finances when I want all my decisions to be based on morals. I'm thinking of maybe taking the cut and negotiating that I'll accept it if the rest goes into a trust fund for the kids.

If someone is blatantly found to be lying in court and they brought the case about themselves, surely they should be paying costs but I understand it's not that simple unfortunately.
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#48
I had a quick glance over what you written. I would definitely be accepting the new offer of 50 %, also get your solicitor to drop nmo and then it just leaves child arrangements.

It seems hopefully things are taking a turn for the better. Remember you got children together and you need to get on amicably,
sometimes dads and i dont blame them are so mad wanting to prove their partner lied and want them to be served justice. It can take a lot of time proving someone lied when really unless your children are at risk of danger they arent interested.

I have had contact stopped a few times now, and dont even bother to prove she lies unless i am asked too by the courts. I keep it all child focused as i will just end up with a huge bill at end. normally when an ex partner knows u are going to get access they suddenly drop concerns as an order needs to be sorted. I wish sometimes i put my ex in the stand in the courts and she was exposed for everything, but i knew all the professionals knew what she was up to. i saw it she would probably be humiliated in court for a afternoon get upset and then when she arrived home be plotting revenge against me. i do always focus a lot of hours figuring out how to make my court order like fort knox hehe...harder to breach every time
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#49
Personally i would accept the 50% as that is what you have been after from day one. Be honest with yourself, what is proving she is a liar going to achieve ? you already know that to be true and your family and friends know that too. Is a judge going to be remotely bothered that she is a liar, i very much doubt it.

Accept the win and then move on to child arrangements because i guarantee if you don't then she will fight you tooth and nail over the child arrangements. Let her think she has won if that is what it takes to ensure you get what you want which is so have the child arrangements sorted
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#50
This is good news.....

The only concern I have in the back of my head is that the moment the finances are sorted and the NMO dropped she will just fire up another NMO application when it comes to child arrangements - can that happen?

Not being at one with the whole process my personal mind-set would be along the lines as others have suggested, full 50% legal costs shared equally, the NMO is dropped. But just to arse cover I'd be asking my solicitor if there is some agreement that can be drafter that includes all the above and as a final point that Miss/Mrs X agrees there has been nor is there a requirement for a NMO as of this date and as a result the application number xxyyzz dates pp/qq/rr will be withdrawn.

At least then if she fires up again in the future when it comes to the child arrangements, you can demonstrate that the agreement she signed state there was no grounds for the NMO. Would that go some way to getting that feeling squared away ?
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