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Hang in there. The attitude to adopt is - she is on the other side and is being strategic. Trust is broken there but people who aren't in this adversarial position are worth trusting. Solicitors can't be trusted - you have to tell them what you want them to do. Better getting advice on here a lot maybe.
Motivation will come - and confidence. You have done nothing wrong - and when you're at rock bottom, the only way is up. Take any offer of help - one day you can return the favour. That is what builds trust is finding people who do somthing for nothing. Are you still on the council list? No guilt - everyone's circumstances are different.
Have you been to the Citizens Advice Bureau - apart from practical and housing help, you need some support dealing with allof this.
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02-15-2019, 02:56 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-15-2019, 03:06 PM by Sector78G.)
The council referred me to the shelter scheme I'm currently staying at - It's not a walk in place, you need a council referral. It's actually a trial so the volunteers are very happy to see us turn up each night - It makes it worth their while and more likely to be approved for more of the same help next year.
The council told me I can't be put on a housing list because I still have a mortgage in my name. I just need some money from the flat so I can start over and have a base to work from - Then hopefully once I'm self sufficient again much of the guilt I'm feeling for relying on others will hopefully dissipate.
As soon as something happens I'll update. But nothing much to report at the moment from Limboland!
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That is a lousy situation housing wise. You can't get on council list because you have a mortgage - but there is an occupation order saying you can't live in the house you own!!! Have you shown the occupation order to the council? Definitely go to citizens advice - they have real housing specialists there including lawyers.
Glad the hostel people are good. There are good people out there. The finances from the house could take a long time - as these things do especially when someone is unco-operative and there are legal processes. So you need more than just limboland and I think someone will be able to argue that the rule is invalid if you are homeless because of an occupation order. Who is paying the mortgage by the way?
Soon be spring. Hard to feel confident and upbeat in your situation - but do - because it help you get what you need re the kids . Iread a very wise thing when at my lowest once and it was this. Sometimes you have no reason to be happy. And that is the time when you have to be "unreasonably happy". Be happy for no reason whatsoever, whatever is going on. Just decide - hey, I'm alive, I know I'll get there and things will come right, and I will be happy every day whatever shit is thrown at me - because I'll duck and I'll focus on the good stuff every day. Be happy for no reason whatsoever. And then things will start to happen and you'll find that drive. But you need support too - back up. People who will help you fight all this. Try CAB.
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To the above poster - This is exactly my concern.
As you say, I don't want to be seen to be slagging of my ex to Cafcass when the time comes, but I also surely need to show all the lies she has told as I have clear evidence. If they believe what she has to say it is likely I won't get the access my children and I deserve.
Just by denying her allegations, even if I have evidence, it could be seen as me calling her 'a liar' no?... even if I don't use that particular word.
She has a free pass to say what she wants because it's 'In the interest of the children' according to her.
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There is a process here. You categorically deny the allegations - and say nothing about the Mother. Cafcass will investigate and find nothing. And then welfare issues finished. Hopefully it won't go to a fact finding. What you can do though, is if you have any evidence that shows any allegation is untrue, you could email it to Cafcass. Eg if she says you are a dangerous schizophrenic and on medication that you fail to take, and you get a Gp letter that says you have no medical diagnoses other than mild depression 5 years ago which is now historic and are on no medication. Than that is autoritative evidence that immediately kills her allegation.
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02-19-2019, 08:33 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-19-2019, 08:37 AM by Sector78G.)
Hello - Thanks for all the help.
I'm going to pop into Citizens Advice today and see what advice they can give me.
Yesterday I received the court hearing notes which show what was said by both parties. The ex (in her last letter) even denies saying things in court that are documented officially. I guess further down the line that just helps my cause - But it boggles my mind that someone can say anything they want in court under oath, admit to lying afterwards and there's no accountability. Infact she gets rewarded for lying by me being ordered to pay half her fees.
I'm going to go to the doctor and provide him with evidence of my ex misquoting his letters and of her lying to my doctor about my history. I doubt he will be happy to know someone is blatantly misquoting him - I'm going to ask him for a final letter saying he's been misquoted and that the ex told the doctors false information - It's better coming from him than me.
That's my plan for today. Hopefully I can arrange a meeting with child services to discuss the situation too. I'd like to start putting the evidence on record officially.
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I quite like the look of Splatoon!
