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Contact been stopped
#1
So I've been to court about a year ago now if not longer, to be able to see my daughter who then was then 6 maybe 7 months old, i have since been seeing her in a contact centre for almost a year, which all has been going very well me and my little one have a good bond and she call's me daddy and she always enjoys her time with me, before christmas i was able to take her outside the centre, however a few weeks ago i was informed by one of the lady's at there (my ex avoids discussions with my self and will only talk with the women at the centre... not through my lack of trying) that she had moved about an hour away if not more, i was slightly annoyed about this as i have no idea where my child is now but as always tried to make the best of this, my father however decided to go to their old address (without my knowladge) now this got back to the ex and she's claiming harassment and intimidation, which to me one isolated incident doesn't constitute that, now i'm again preparing to go back to court as i don't want any of this to affect mine and my daughters bond, i believe when i was in court they said no overnight stay until little one is 3 ? as to me driving somewhere i don't know to spend 2 and a half hours with my daughter isn't enough, my daughter is 2 in march so just looking for advice, i'm half thinking if i ask for overnight stays then if they refuse that i can say for the day on Saturday for the time being, does this sound reasonable to anyone here ? ideally i'd love to have her all weekend but small steps i suppose
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#2
I believe there is a sort of court preferred schedule for children under a certain age, Usually at 18 months old. Something like an hour or two during the week and an overnight every other weekend. To be confirmed by someone else!!!

But to be brutally honest, on the face of it, after a year of regular contact it seems reasonable for an overnight but..... Why the contact centre? if the court ordered supervised visits in a contact centre there must have been a reason? Not trying to be intrusive but if there is a reason, true or not, it might be worth showing that youve changed or fixed anything? or am I way off here?
The dad and old address thing is done, nothing you can do to change it so maybe get a solicitor to write an apology and ask to re-instate contact? I say a solicitor because [according to her accusal] youre already knocking on the door of harassment.
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#3
Why are you still in the contact centre after all this time? Was it supervised to begin with? Then supported? When you was able to take her out of the centre im guessing you was on your own? If so then they have assumed that there are no safeguarding issues. Did you have another hearing coming?

My ex is exactly the same, i am in a contact centre purely because she will not allow contact and the courts are just appeasing her to get contact going. Im hoping it will end at the next hearing. She will not engage with me at all because she is still telling the courts and everyone that will listen that i am aggressive and she is scared of me.

You need to be really careful now as she may apply for a non molestation for harassment. You will need to go back to court or she will just do as she pleases. My daughter is 14 months and i have asked for a progressive contact working upto over nights when she is nearer 18 months - 2 years old. I would ask for over nights now if i was you. Do you have any reports from the contact centre regarding contact?

Courts generally give 4-6 hours contact or 2-3 days when the child is under 2. After that you should be able to argue for an overnight at least once a week and then for half the quality time, so every other weekend, half the school holidays and shared or half the special days. It is based on your availability though. So if you can have her in the week then ask for it. But it may be worth doing a progressive contact recommendation. Also be aware of the future and that it may change because they may well ask you what will happen when she goes to school etc.
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#4
All you have to do is say that your Father did this without your permission and you have since ensured that he won’t do it again.

O agree that you should be pushing more more contact after 1 year.
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#5
(02-16-2018, 04:01 PM)Naive Wrote: I believe there is a sort of court preferred schedule for children under a certain age, Usually at 18 months old. Something like an hour or two during the week and an overnight every other weekend. To be confirmed by someone else!!!

But to be brutally honest, on the face of it, after a year of regular contact it seems reasonable for an overnight but..... Why the contact centre? if the court ordered supervised visits in a contact centre there must have been a reason? Not trying to be intrusive but if there is a reason, true or not, it might be worth showing that youve changed or fixed anything? or am I way off here?
The dad and old address thing is done, nothing you can do to change it so maybe get a solicitor to write an apology and ask to re-instate contact? I say a solicitor because [according to her accusal] youre already knocking on the door of harassment.

The contact centre had been suggested by both the court and the ex, i admit before little one was born i used to smoke cannabis, They brought it up during our last hearing and where happy when i said i didn't do it anymore, so as for why the contact centre it was more because i had not been able to see my daughter since she was 2 months old, well she emailed me saying that i need to meet her half way ect and she said in a round about way if i did not comply she would take it back to court, as for why its been in the contact centre for so long, because my ex has only allowed 15 minute increments over 4-5 weeks or sometimes 6, i've been a bit laid back with this than i should have, but that's only because i just want a good bond with my daughter and didn't want to risk contact being stopped.

(02-16-2018, 04:23 PM)Charlielovesyou Wrote: Why are you still in the contact centre after all this time? Was it supervised to begin with? Then supported? When you was able to take her out of the centre im guessing you was on your own? If so then they have assumed that there are no safeguarding issues. Did you have another hearing coming?

My ex is exactly the same, i am in a contact centre purely because she will not allow contact and the courts are just appeasing her to get contact going. Im hoping it will end at the next hearing. She will not engage with me at all because she is still telling the courts and everyone that will listen that i am aggressive and she is scared of me.

You need to be really careful now as she may apply for a non molestation for harassment. You will need to go back to court or she will just do as she pleases. My daughter is 14 months and i have asked for a progressive contact working upto over nights when she is nearer 18 months - 2 years old. I would ask for over nights now if i was you. Do you have any reports from the contact centre regarding contact?

Courts generally give 4-6 hours contact or 2-3 days when the child is under 2. After that you should be able to argue for an overnight at least once a week and then for half the quality time, so every other weekend, half the school holidays and shared or half the special days. It is based on your availability though. So if you can have her in the week then ask for it. But it may be worth doing a progressive contact recommendation. Also be aware of the future and that it may change because they may well ask you what will happen when she goes to school etc.

There where no safeguarding issues, i believe the court said the contact centre as it would mean me and the ex would have to sort this between our self, however i have numerously tired to be part of the discussion ect only to be told she will only talk with the lady's in the contact centre, the contact centre have praised me on how good i am at looking after my daughter so there isn't any reason i need to be there, it's merely because of my ex. i suspect she still claims i'm aggressive / violent ... i'm genuinely not but always two sides i suppose, i'm going to go for over night because my daughter is very comfortable around me, i am conscious of the school part but if i'm not being included in the conversation ect then it's kind of pointless talking to the ex, i may bring that up in court as i'm lost for ideas
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#6
So the order was to go the contact centre and the court then assumed that you would work things out between yourself and move on from there then? Did they not say how long this should go on? I cant believe she has made you all go to the contact centre for this long. If she lives over an hour away why does she insist on continuing with it? Something doesnt add up tbh. How often and for how long do you go there for?

Definitely get to court and ask for more time, and it should be unsupervised out on your own. You can see if the contact centre will right a report for you, if may be useful at court. I dont know your situation but time is based on your availability. My advise would be to ask for more than you think you might get, im asking to work towards 50/50 care once she starts nursery/school etc. But you have to be available to do it. You should at least be asking for every other weekend and half the special days and some school holidays, distance will probably make midweek contact hard.
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#7
(02-16-2018, 04:58 PM)Charlielovesyou Wrote: So the order was to go the contact centre and the court then assumed that you would work things out between yourself and move on from there then? Did they not say how long this should go on? I cant believe she has made you all go to the contact centre for this long. If she lives over an hour away why does she insist on continuing with it? Something doesnt add up tbh. How often and for how long do you go there for?

Definitely get to court and ask for more time, and it should be unsupervised out on your own. You can see if the contact centre will right a report for you, if may be useful at court.  I dont know your situation but time is based on your availability. My advise would be to ask for more than you think you might get, im asking to work towards 50/50 care once she starts nursery/school etc. But you have to be available to do it. You should at least be asking for every other weekend and half the special days and some school holidays, distance will probably make midweek contact hard.

The child arrangement order we had specified that i'd be out the centre within a few months but again as i said she dragged her heels on increasing time and to be honest the contact centre helped her do this, she had not moved when the order was made.... the arrangement order was set back in November 2016, i was going every Saturday and seeing her for 2 hours which is the maximum time at the centre.

The contact was origionally supervised but only had 3-4 scessions, from that it's been supported contact, well either way its going to be tricky... but i won't give up.... ever!
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#8
Ok, i would have gone back to court before now to enforce or vary the order if she wouldnt communicate or refuse to move on from it. The contact centre i am at seem to be like that as well. My ex will be exactly the same i think, she will not agree to anything unless she is told to by the court. There is one worker there that seems to understand that i am the dad and there is no reason why i shouldnt be able to look after my daughter. They have seen my statements and the section 7 report. So they know there is no safeguarding issues. The other workers all they seem to want to do is take my daughter back to mom whenever she cries. My daughter does not want to sit in a small room, especially when she can hear and see other people and kids about, she wants to go see them. She cries because we cant and i have to stay in the room or just in the corridor.

Anyway as i said make sure you ask for half the quality time and over nights. She is probably waiting for you to go back to court so she can then try and give you even less time due to distance. Problem is if its outside the contact centre then all the travelling may well be down to you to make contact and handovers. If she continues to point blank refuse to communicate or co parent it is going to be difficult for the courts and they may well get cafcass involved in it.

And good dont give up, that is exactly what they all want then its easy life for them. Let us know how it goes or come back if there is anything anyone can help with.
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#9
Hello i realise this is along time since my last post.

So after my last day in court, i have since been seeing my daughter every weekend to every other and even have overnight stay's i now pick her up from my ex, luckily she seems to be quite reasonable now, kinda confusing why it took all this to get here, but yeah just wanted to say that i've even got my little girl staying 26th december - 27th !!! thank you to everyone for you advice
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#10
Brilliant!
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