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False accusations of DV + alcoholic wife = game over
#1
As you will see I am new to this forum so sorry if I have posted in the wrong place 
Thought I would share my story (condensed version):-

Married for 18 years with a 17yr old and a 12 yr old; wife has been increasingly alcohol dependent over last 10 years to a point where after getting blind drunk she faked her own suicide by pretending to take a overdose (massive cry for help) - ended up in A&E and after basic physical and mental assesssment was released and children’s services closed the case

I have been guilty of keeping my head in the sand thinking our worsening relationship and her worsening drink problem will some day improve and have tried to just keep the family glued together for the sake of the kids, at least until they have both completed school - big mistake
After a couple of really bad years and increasing amounts of tension and arguments, out of the blue I am arrested under 3rd party (false) allegations of DV against my wife! (I have never laid a finger on a bloke, let alone a lady, let alone my wife)
After 2 weeks the police confirmed they would not be taking any further action - phewww - that’s just the beginning of the end though as I was soon to realise

From a point where I was starting to accept the inevitable that our relationship was coming to an end and thinking about how I could plan out the future after it did, I get banged up in a cell for nearly 7 hours for something that I haven’t done and then told I cannot go home or see my kids
I have had to move back with my parents (in my mid 40’s) and have little prospect of seeing my son very often as to do so I would need to re-enter the dangerous circle that she has created around herself and him, that could in turn lead to me being falsely accused of who knows what next

In summary, I now have to go through the painful (and very costly) process of trying to sort our divorce and contact arrangements with my kids (easy with my 17yr old daughter, but so far have only seen my son once in 5 weeks), whilst my wife is still living in our house with the kids, while I am paying for it all
Oh yeah and let’s not forget that in the interim that she has taken a knife and a razor blade to her throat (in 2 separate occasions) in front of both kids in a drunken and psychological craze and threatened to cut her own throat; she has also smashed the house up and been verbally and physically abusive to both kids, and is currently on prescription medication for depression and alcohol dependence - yet despite Police and Children’s Services both being involved, no further action has been taken!!!

Yet again (no doubt like very many other people’s situations) the loyal loving dad is the forgotten party in all of this
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#2
Sounds like she needs to be sectioned. Temporarily at least. Have social services put any support in place? I would try and apply for a Child Arrangements order. It could take 9 months or more to be sorted if you start now. But you might get an interim order to see your son within the first 6 to 8 weeks. Let them wait for the divorce and financials and apply for an order to see your son. If Cafcass want to do a Section 7 (to investigate any claims of DV) that can be what makes it a slow process, but at the end of it you will get an order.
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#3
At last - someone else who can see this for what it is - your words were actually the same as my mums as well!
it really frustrates me that all the services are tiptoeing around the reality here and have been doing so for the last 14 months, and that all the time they do my kids are at emotional and potentially physical risk from her crazy actions and behaviour
Social services are still working on it but are painfully slow and unresponsive - it will take another significant occurrence before they come back to life - all I can hope is that when (rather than if) that occurrence happens that it doesn’t directly involve my kids like it did the last time 2 weeks ago
I have a good solicitor poised to apply for a court order for me if she doesn’t agree to move out within a sensible time frame (which I am certain she won’t) so will have to see how it goes down when that letter hits her (my) doormat I guess
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#4
Im inclined to think enough time has passed and enough incidents witnessed that, as you say, its inevitable. Apply to court, immediately. It'll be 4-6 weeks until the first hearing, thats more than enough time for her to consider and agree/disagree to anything.
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#5
Welcome to the madhouse. Happens to the best of us unfortunately.
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#6
Thanks for the wise advice folks - have messaged social services again today stating Monday as my cutoff before solicitors take action - yet again no response so will instruct solicitor to take action accordingly
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#7
Agree - apply to court immediately. I was informed by a Solicitor over 3 years ago, that social services won't do anything unless the child is hospitalised. I am not sure how true that is, but having looked into it, there is a long bureaucratic process for deciding whether something is serious enough to need an emergency order to remove a child from the Mother/parent. Their policy seems to be to support the struggling bonkers parent (apologies for that non political correct term). It seems to take a major serious event for them to go through the process to consider an emergency order. Which is scary. It may vary in different regions. The only other possible scenario is if a child discloses to a professional (maybe at school eg) that someone is harming them, and then it is taken more seriously. But in cases of separation that also often gets overlooked as they think the other parent has put them up to saying it. Sadly I think children in separated families are more at risk than children in regular families because so much is put down to malicious/fals reporting. The irony being there actually are malicious and false allegations made (usually by Mothers against Fathers) and it means genuine concerns get tarred with the malicious brush too.

They always see - if you see a bruise - report it. But some things don't lead to bruises. And it doesn't cover emotional and psychological harm - which is very hard to prove.

All I can suggest is you put any concerns in writing. And keep the language very formal, brief and polite - don't rant. So it is on record that you expressed concerns and are asking for information as to what social services are doing to ensure the wellbeing of the children while they aren't in your care.

Actually if they are involved - write and ask them for a copy of their report. If you think they are at any kind of risk you could apply for an urgent order for them to live with you with the social services report as evidence. Although that wouldn't work if social services report says "supporting Mother through difficult time" or something.

It is very difficult. Keep your eye on things. Get copies of the Police report as well. If you can get any kind of report showing she has attempted to harm herself then you can argue the children are at risk and apply urgently for an order for them to live with you and have supervised time with their Mother - ie with someone else there.
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#8
Thanks for the replies folks, solicitors letter has been dispatched to and received by (ex) wife - she has gone ballistic but now knows that the legal process is underway in terms of me ainning to remove her from the home and to move back in with my kids; whether it works or not is another thing but the wheels are turning at least.
I believe next step is for solicitor to make application to court for interim contact order and will update when I know how that goes.
Once again many thanks for taking the time to share all your knowledge and advice - somehow it seems to comfort me more knowing that its coming from those who have been there / done it as opposed to others that have only seen / heard about it, if you know what I mean ??
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#9
Update - after having chased CS for the last 9 weeks I have finally got a copy of their report - it’s basically 3 pages of lies (amongst others, that I am supposedly using controlling behaviour including financially - what a joke - she (even now) still has access to our joint account which I fill with money (literally everything I earn and more goes in there), and then she also has her own sole account where all her own money goes as well as the child beniefit that I invariably then have to pay back to the taxman at the end of the year; oh yeah and she has a joint credit card on my account as well - I have nothing, not even my own sole account! And it’s me that is financially controlling?!?!
Long and short of it is CS are taking no further action! Don’t I even get a chance to give CS my take on all this or do they just trust the lying, cheating, manipulative b**ch - they’ve never once spoken to me or asked my opinion on anything?
Mean while I am still living with my parents and having to fund her living in my house as I cannot risk coming into contact with her for fear of more BS allegations of DV or anything else for that matter - also I have only managed to see my son twice in over 2 months and it now sounds like her and her family are brainwashing him against me
I am furious - I have obviously been far too reasonable up until now and think it’s more than time for my solicitor to step things up a gear or two
Any advice you can give re what I can or can’t do regards our joint account would be very gratefully received (i.e. if I switch all my money into a sole account, how much would I have to transfer for her to ‘live’ on; can I cancel her phone contract which is in my name, can I stop basically paying for everything and therefore stop her taking the financial p*ss out of me?)
PS am I right in thinking that because her crock of crap about DV didn’t work that maybe she is now trying the ‘controlling behaviour’ route as it’s next on the list of divorce options, even though it will be me petitioning for the divorce and it definitely will be on the grounds of HER unreasonable behaviour as detailed in previous posts?
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#10
Ok keep focused on getting the child arrangements sorted. Get some legal advice on the finances - I don't know about that but I thought they always advised cancelling any current accounts on separation. Not sure how you go about doing that and transferring everything to a different personal account.

The problem with social services situations is they can only assess what they see at the time sometimes. And if the Mother is off the rails they tend to just "support". What the heck are Childrens' Services doing reporting on financial controlling? Whether true or not. Sounds like they have fallen for her lies against you as the problem for the children.

Get your bank accounts sorted, only pay what you have to, and focus on getting child arrangements sorted. Do you have a court date yet? You can do the child arrangements first and the rest of the divorce later.
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