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Just had CAFCASS interview, update
#11
Well the question about ex was firstly just facts about when you got together, when you split up, whats happened since to get you into this situation. I explained factually the dates and what happened. But he really only wants to know how involved you were with child since the split [and in some way before]
I addressed the difference in our proposal by saying hers was a short term "allowance" where as Im thinking about the next 12 years and a sustainable schedule. I wanted to get the new schedule in place before school so that I could have a relationship with teachers. He asked me if I had made the practical arrangements but didnt question further when I said yes. He then said he completely agreed with the proposal and could understand it, gave me a speech about how 50/50 can work but its important that the parents get on, or at least respectful.

How the hell are you supposed to raise your child effectively by walking into your ex's house with her new bf? talk about powder keg, when would that ever be a good environment for a child.
Most of the conversation centred around the way we get on now. Its clear Im being blamed for it the animosity and "disrespect"
The only point of concern, when I was 18 my friend stole my girlfriend so I kicked his car and a policeman saw me. Criminal damage. He asked me if I "had a problem with holding my temper in relationships"? theres a loaded question. It was 20 years ago.
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#12
Thanks for all the info. When they get involved with me and ask those questions I’ll love to tell them she went off with a married man who has also left his wife of 13years and two young children. But the worse thing is we all knew each other and his soon to be ex wife made a picture for our little girls bedroom. Lovely seeing that hanging on the wall
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#13
(02-23-2018, 03:08 PM)Rjc Wrote: Thanks for all the info. When they get involved with me and ask those questions I’ll love to tell them she went off with a married man who has also left his wife of 13years and two young children. But the worse thing is we all knew each other and his soon to be ex wife made a picture for our little girls bedroom. Lovely seeing that hanging on the wall

With the utmost respect, from my experience today, they wont be in slightest bit interested. Id loved to have told him about my ex and what she got up to but if I even came close [and I really mean this] to saying anything negative about ex I heard frustration in his voice.

The only time I got to say anything bad was, when she claimed I didnt communicate at mediation, I told him since then Ive set up a co-parenting app but she said no. I said "sorry not trying to tell tales but its true" and he accepted it but I wasnt going to push my luck.

My advice is, like everyone elses is, stay well away from from who cheated on who. Its irrelevant. Period.

As the applicant, it really does feel like youre on trial and are there to defend against what she says. Of course if you have genuine safety concerns then thats a different matter.
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#14
Just like you I set up a joint note between phones so we know who’s given medication etc she hasn’t filled it out once only I have she isn’t interested. What was this co-parenting app?
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#15
https://appclose.com/
Some guys on here were talking about it a few months ago. It looks really good but I never got to use it.

Actually can I ask some advice,
Since she has clearly lawyered up, and now I have to, its all got a lot more expensive. I currently pay more child maintenance than I need to, personally I hate the fact that I have provided a home for my daughter along with everything from clothes to toys and still pay so much to ex. I also hate the fact that the money I give her is in some way helping her to fight shared care. Am I going to get pasted in court if I drop it to what it should be? I know financial matters arent taken into account in family court but I dont think that would stop her solicitor claiming "financial abuse" is that what its called?

Also, I know its cheeky but just by the off chance has anyone put legal fees through their LTD company as expenses? Just sayin
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#16
You only have to pay what CMS says, thats all you are legally obliged to pay, anything else is your choice. So if you cant afford it anymore just email and tell her or open a CMS case yourself, it costs £20. Her solicitor wont be able to use it against you in the family court.

As for the cafcass call. Id wait for the report to come back. The officer that called me was a woman and was clearly already biased towards the mother. They are supposed to be impartial though but dont be surprised if the report comes back not quite how you expect it to. Although tbf mine wasnt too bad but it did state all the allegations the mother had claimed and seemed to consider them all without considering anything that i had said. I ended up with a Section 7 report.
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#17
Oh by the way, cafcass man was telling me about the separated parents programme and I told him I had already looked at it and was thinking of enrolling what did he think? He said wait until the court orders it. Then he actually said well done I’ll make sure there’s a note of that. Just so you know.
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#18
Naive,
I actually think section 7 report can be a good thing if it happens. At least you get somebody who gets to hear you side of story properly.

I didn't have any, went to the court. All the decisions were made at court based based on what was said in cross examination not lasting 10 minutes each. No facts, no nothing. Just the judges gut feelings.

I felt there was so much that was not said and not considered. 90% what was on my position statement (just three pages long) was not discussed at all.

I left the court wondering what had just happend. I had imagined they would be a lot more thorough. How wrong was I. Hearing was scheduled for one and half day. We started at 11 am, by lunch time we had finished giving evidence. After judges lunch time, went back in the court at 2, then each counsel gave their closing statement of around 5 minutes each.

We were told to come back the next day to hear the judgement. That was it. All in all I probably spoke for 5 to 10 minutes and no chance to discuss or respond to anything.
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#19
Hopefully its not another sheep in wolves clothing and your Sec 7 report does come across as positive.

It must be a luck of the draw to have a male officer.
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#20
This is the thing, a section 7 report should in theory be a good idea as you get to meet and talk to someone face to face so they can see for themselves what type of person you are and you actually get to talk properly about what has gone on, though you should still stay child focused and do not slag the mother. They will talk to the mother first again, some will have pretty much made their mind up then about whats gone on, but its the luck of the draw with cafcass it seems. It depends who you get.

I was lucky and got a male officer who pretty much worked out the mother straight away and was on my side without saying as much. They still pussy foot around the mother though as they will always tell you we need the mother to consent to enable it to happen. After all they want us all to sort things out between ourselves without court. Obviously it does not happen the majority of the time.

DadDolent, the court have never mentioned anything that i have put in my statements but as soon as the mother says something about me they seem to acknowledge it. Like the last hearing where she said i never turn up for contact so they put in the order that mother feels that the father is unreliable and may look into it at the next hearing. The only thing they said anything about was my progressive contact recommendations.
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