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Just had final hearing
#21
Agree - in some ways it's just a label but I do think it makes a difference when dealing with schools and other authorities to be able to say child lives with you. And does get away from some of the negative language. In her statement my ex kept referring how she encouraged son "to go to contact" as if it was some kind of chore and something she allowed. Believe me she was not happy to have it so that son legally lives with me part of the time. She still feels she has the upper hand because son lives her more of the time! Which is why 50/50 is good.

Charlie - my case was a bit different in I was arguing that he had had a shared care basis for years before previous order and I wanted it "reinstating". I did suggest that it may help reduce the effect on son of ex's hostility towards me. But to do that you have to have clear written evidence of hostility to attach to your statement.

Just because you don't get 50/50 now because child is only 15 months, doesn't mean you can't get "lives with". I have four nights a fortnight and "lives with".

What have you actually asked for in your application? (Sorry can't remember).
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#22
Thanks, ok i see. I was partly involved to begin with but i was always told not to do this and that or i was doing it wrong. She likes not to accept any help and then claim i dont help, now pushes the i dont know my daughter and havent done anything for our daughter game now. That is obviously why she has done what she has so she can claim our daughter shouldnt be with me, only her.

Im trying to argue that we should have a progressive contact structure as i hadnt seen her for a while and she didnt really know me. I asked for 2 evenings a week and 4 hours saturday/sunday, cafcass asked her if my parents could be supporters for contact, she refused. She likes to portray she is actively promoting contact but in reality what she means is yes they can see her but only if she is there and making the decisions. Anyway, this is what i proposed:

To begin 2 midweek evenings (2 hours) and sat/sun (4 hours)
8 weeks in same but with all day sat/sun
12 weeks after that the same again but 1 night a week fri/sat/sun
Then once she turns 2 in december to work towards shared care where i have her 1 midweek night and then every other weekend fri-sun/mon. Half holidays, special days etc.

My argument is that i wanted to work towards 50/50 care and that it is important and in her best interests for this to happen early in her life so it becomes the norm (obviously mom doesnt want this). I said i would negotiate times/days etc once she goes to nursery and school but work will accommodate me with regards to being able to pick up and drop off so 50/50 wont be a problem. I also said grandparents should be able to do handovers to alleviate any hostility in front of our daughter. I want as close to 50/50 as i can get basically but build up towards it. I understand its not just going to happen.

I believe that once our daughter is in nursery or school then the fact that i would be at work in the day and the mother not mostly would not matter as they are in education? Is that right? The way i understand things is whilst she is young it would be hard to get 50/50 because i would be at work and would need grandparents or childcare to look after her, but the mother would be at home and would say she could have her. Being a reasonable human being i would actually not have a problem with that if i could have her back for the evening/night but we know that isnt going to happen and it would also disrupt our daughter too much.

I think that what helps me a little is the fact i already have a 22 year old daughter that i have already successfully brought up in a separated parenting situation and never had any problems. I have a statement from her mom stating this also.

As you said i just basically want them to show her that i am as much a parent as she is and have as much say and responsibility as she does which is why i was asking about "lives with"
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#23
Talking of grandparents -

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...ndson.html

Our family courts are so weird!
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#24
Well I guess it may be their only grandchild! But yes some issues are complicated.

Charlie your proposal sounds good to me. Are you able to collect from school or nursery or would work finishing time preclude that? There is no reason why your midweek overnights can't go from say 5pm from Mum's house. Or someone else collect from school for you (eg your parents) until you return home.
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#25
(03-02-2018, 08:46 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Well I guess it may be their only grandchild!  But yes some issues are complicated.

Charlie your proposal sounds good to me. Are you able to collect from school or nursery or would work finishing time preclude that?  There is no reason why your midweek overnights can't go from say 5pm from Mum's house.  Or someone else collect from school for you (eg your parents) until you return home.

Yeah work will help me out with collection from school though that wont happen for a while. But i could get called out on emergency so grandparents being able to collect would be good for me just in case sometimes. My parents live 2 minutes from her so would be good. 

Makes it a little annoying, contact centre called earlier to cancel contact this week because of the weather. Centre is a good 35 minutes from us both yet if i was able to have her at my parents as i should really be able to the weather wouldnt have made any difference.
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#26
Very annoying. If it's any consolation I had to cancel collecting son this week due to severe weather.
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