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Holiday "allowance"
#1
One of ex's suggestions in the shit show of a cafcass report was that daughter being away from her for 7 consecutive days would be too long and has suggested that this start at 4 days and increase by one extra day a year until it reaches 7 days, but never anymore.
This is ridiculous since ex went to Portugal last year for 5 days for a girly holiday.

Daughter is 4 by the way, and I swear never even mentions mum when she's gone for days [but most likely doesn't mention me either]

Any opinions/experience regarding what the court "likes"?

My counter would be to say we have a 7 day test holiday nearby so that we can cut it short if needed. If no problems then its all gravy, Gran Canaria by the end of the year.
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#2
If I am reading this correctly, the mother has already gone away for 5 days and left you with your daughter in this time? If so reference that in court.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#3
YUP
Come on into my world, the water is warm.
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#4
(02-27-2018, 03:54 PM)Naive Wrote: One of ex's suggestions in the shit show of a cafcass report was that daughter being away from her for 7 consecutive days would be too long and has suggested that this start at 4 days and increase by one extra day a year until it reaches 7 days, but never anymore.
This is ridiculous since ex went to Portugal last year for 5 days for a girly holiday.

Daughter is 4 by the way, and I swear never even mentions mum when she's gone for days [but most likely doesn't mention me either]

Any opinions/experience regarding what the court "likes"?

My counter would be to say we have a 7 day test holiday nearby so that we can cut it short if needed. If no problems then its all gravy, Gran Canaria by the end of the year.

My daughter was 4 when I first had her for a 2 week window in the summer, as back then she was living with the ex.

A court will consider it acceptable for either parent to have the child away from the other one, for up to 2 weeks.
This is why, from 2 the normal starting point is every other weekend, as in effect it is halfing half the quality time.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
(02-27-2018, 09:02 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(02-27-2018, 03:54 PM)Naive Wrote: One of ex's suggestions in the shit show of a cafcass report was that daughter being away from her for 7 consecutive days would be too long and has suggested that this start at 4 days and increase by one extra day a year until it reaches 7 days, but never anymore.
This is ridiculous since ex went to Portugal last year for 5 days for a girly holiday.

Daughter is 4 by the way, and I swear never even mentions mum when she's gone for days [but most likely doesn't mention me either]

Any opinions/experience regarding what the court "likes"?

My counter would be to say we have a 7 day test holiday nearby so that we can cut it short if needed. If no problems then its all gravy, Gran Canaria by the end of the year.

My daughter was 4 when I first had her for a 2 week window in the summer, as back then she was living with the ex.

A court will consider it acceptable for either parent to have the child away from the other one, for up to 2 weeks.
This is why, from 2 the normal starting point is every other weekend, as in effect it is halfing half the quality time.
Ah thats good. Because according to her proposal I wouldnt get 7 days until she was 7 years old. Thats just mean.
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#6
Are you wanting a week on/week off then? As in 7 days away from Mum? The other option for shared care is 2-2-5-5. So you get two midweek nights each and every other week-end each. The two midweek nights attach to the week-end one week (making 5).

My ex regularly left son with me for a week when he was a baby - she used to go abroad every couple of months for a week. And later would go on holiday without him for two weeks at a time. I put that in my evidence to show how much time son had spent with me over the years. Her statement made out I'd hardly seen him for the first few years!
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#7
I’m having to go back to court soon for the same thing - literally the exact reason: ‘Little one is too little to be away from me for a full week; little one shouldn’t have his routine disrupted for a full week, etc etc’.

My ex is still clinging to control, this time in the form of holiday contact. It’s depressing how all exes seem to follow the same pattern. Mine also offered building up the contact; I refused as I know the score.

MarkR is absolutely right, and it’s what my solicitor told me. Which is why I’m quietly confident going back into court.

Stick to your guns. You shouldn’t have any problems, legally anyway, with taking your daughter on holiday. It’s for her benefit after all.
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#8
(02-28-2018, 05:23 AM)strider Wrote: I’m having to go back to court soon for the same thing - literally the exact reason: ‘Little one is too little to be away from me for a full week; little one shouldn’t have his routine disrupted for a full week, etc etc’.

My ex is still clinging to control, this time in the form of holiday contact. It’s depressing how all exes seem to follow the same pattern. Mine also offered building up the contact; I refused as I know the score.

MarkR is absolutely right, and it’s what my solicitor told me. Which is why I’m quietly confident going back into court.

Stick to your guns. You shouldn’t have any problems, legally anyway, with taking your daughter on holiday. It’s for her benefit after all.

Wow, the great Strider ha ha.
I stand by my suggestion of a 7 day holiday in the UK to test it, if its all good then abroad will be fine.

(02-28-2018, 01:41 AM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Are you wanting a week on/week off then?  As in 7 days away from Mum?  The other option for shared care is 2-2-5-5.  So you get two midweek nights each and every other week-end each.  The two midweek nights attach to the week-end one week (making 5).

My ex regularly left son with me for a week when he was a baby - she used to go abroad every couple of months for a week.  And later would go on holiday without him for two weeks at a time. I put that in my evidence to show how much time son had spent with me over the years.  Her statement made out I'd hardly seen him for the first few years!

Im going for 2 days during the week and every other weekend. Thats 6 days out of 14. Perfectly reasonable.

Before we had our daughter my ex assured me of 50/50 shared care just like her brother had, if anything happened to us.
Then daughter was one years old when we split and ex said that attachment only applied to mothers [yep she actually said it] I was in no position to fight and realised at the time it was the best thing for daughter.
So here we are 3 years later and she is starting school soon and now its claimed it will be disruptive. If we dont sort out who she lives with and when soon then she really is going to estrange me. I never considered Id have to prove to people how much Ive raised my daughter.
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#9
I had this... she started at only 'allowing' 7 days
Had to explain she didn't 'allow' anything... we had to work it out together

Concept lost on her... said she would approve 10 days maximum
Told her 'no' and she really didn't understand the concept of co-parenting
Eventually i booked 16 days ... she went mad but we had a great time on holiday...kids loved it

This year she's taking 21 days with kids (I will get to see them for a few nights half way through)... actually helps me with work so i'm happy
She actually only leaving me with 13 holiday days and and uses last year as a reason but I'll work something out with that ... i have another 2 weeks but i have to use summer camp as need to work... so 8 weeks in total and we have 4 each as per our court order... just easier for me in August than July due to work

Yesterday she instructed her solicitor to take me back to court as i hadn't provided a 100% schedule for summer by end of January ... we've agreed all but 2 days ... sent it to my solicitor who is still laughing and can't wait for the paperwork... think my lawyer is writing a book about my ex called "how not to win in court"

Her reality and fantasy are far from the co-parenting our kids need
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#10
(02-28-2018, 11:21 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: I had this... she started at only 'allowing' 7 days
Had to explain she didn't 'allow' anything... we had to work it out together

Concept lost on her... said she would approve 10 days maximum
Told her 'no' and she really didn't understand the concept of co-parenting
Eventually i booked 16 days ... she went mad but we had a great time on holiday...kids loved it

This year she's taking 21 days with kids (I will get to see them for a few nights half way through)... actually helps me with work so i'm happy
She actually only leaving me with 13 holiday days and and uses last year as a reason but I'll work something out with that ... i have another 2 weeks but i have to use summer camp as need to work... so 8 weeks in total and we have 4 each as per our court order... just easier for me in August than July due to work

Yesterday she instructed her solicitor to take me back to court as i hadn't provided a 100% schedule for summer by end of January ... we've agreed all but 2 days ...  sent it to my solicitor who is still laughing and can't wait for the paperwork... think my lawyer is writing a book about my ex called "how not to win in court"

Her reality and fantasy are far from the co-parenting our kids need
Thats interesting, identical to my relationship with ex, hence she's going for a sole "lives with" order.
But how did you get on with the equal, co-parenting thing in court, did they take notice?
Im basing a heavy part of my argument on the perceived ratification of the ex as the important parent, am I barking up the wrong tree here? I know ex will never accept me as equal but I feel its very important in order to avoid conflict that the court order remain on equal terms. Either "lives with both" or no lives with order at all.
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