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feeling very lost and hurt
#1
After being denied access to my little girl for 5 long months, previously having her for three nights  every week, and getting nowhere with mediation ( she didn't  turn up .)   I took my ex to court , she didn't  even turn up to the second hearing. it was decided on the third that access begins immediately ( the very next day ) starting slowly and building up to what is now in place , every other weekend for two nights stay. I live an hour and a half away so for my little girls sake as not to travel back and forth on a motorway , I turned down the every other Tues evening until Weds morning  visit. I was so pleased my ex  didn't get her way with  what she wanted  which was supervised visits in a contact centre for 2 hours  once a week  into the future .The accusations were unbelievable ,  being dyslexic  I would be unable to stand properly with out dropping my daughter and it also would affect  my perception of risks. ( this didn't seem to worry her when I had my little girl to stay over for the 1st 13 months since her birth when I looked after her when in my home, or when I looked after her 4 year old son by a previous father when we were  together )   We are now 4 months into the order and apart from a few hiccups its going okay, not great as I feel that 12 days away in-between from my little girl is very difficult. We can go back to court when she is in nursery school for extra time in the holidays so I am  wishing my life away  at the moment.
Does anyone have experience in a hand over book ??? this was suggested by our solicitor as communication was so bad. it is purely for relevant info between us regarding our daughter,( any medication given, falls , accidents, that sort of thing ) however it has be come an instruction manual , with orders of what she must eat, sleep ,how I must talk to her, not go outside etc, I must check her stools, are they healthy??? and also full of  false accusations as you can imagine. I would be vey grateful  if anyone has a spin on this as it is becoming very stressful reading many thanks. I am always on eggshells waiting for the next allegation.]
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#2
Scrap the book.

You are free to parent how you like in your time providing your child is safe. Obviously if she has a medical condition it should be monitored but if she hasn’t then no.

You could speak to the doctor to ensure what you should do if concerned not the mother.
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#3
Thanks for the advice . My family agree also , while with me Im in charge and she is safe and happy .Its just the ex trying to control things.
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#4
Mind you the book would be good evidence for the future if you ever need it.

Trying to think how what you could replace the book with. Possibly just write a note which you hand over (keep a copy). Just tell her that the book isn’t working as it should. If she gives you a note you don’t necessarily have to read it which would be hard I suppose. Wait and see what she does.
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#5
My ex flatly refused the co-parenting app, even in court she said she didnt have space on her phone. So the judge told her to get a contact book. I have yet to see it.
I know exactly what youre feeling buddy, given how controlling my ex was, I was shit scared to make any serious decisions without the ex's say so. Like many other men here, the protection of a court order, along with the autonomy from the ex has turned me into a far better and confident parent. Take it slow, after more time spent with your child you'll feel more confident in making decisions, and therefore able to see the difference between petty controlling behaviour and genuine info/requests regarding care.
Even now I still feel the need to please the ex to keep the peace. Its a process.
Best thing I did is talk to other single parents, especially women, the look they give me when I relay my ex's demands is classic. They'll all tell you "that's rubbish, kids jump in puddles, hurt themselves, fussy eaters"
Resist the urge to reciprocate the silly demands/rules as that doesnt fix anything. Just need to ignore the shit and identify the genuine stuff.
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#6
thanks guys, this all helps ...
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#7
I have a communication book with the ex - I take pictures of everything that is written in it, down to whats been happening, etc - whilst I dont want to do it - I am keeping it as evidence.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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