It's Finally Happened

[Paisley1]

Hello I'm new here and thought I would share and hopefully gather strength from fellow members.

I have been Married for 7 years and have one child who is 4yo with my Wife. I also have a step-son who is 9 and a daughter to an ex-partner who is 10 whom I see on a very regular basis.

Over the past year or so I have been off the rails - going to the pub and staying out until 3-4am before going home. It's not a completely regular thing maybe once every 6 weeks or so but it still happened. Each time my Wife said she wasn't having any more of it and why was I doing it and if it happened again we were finished. I completely and honestly can't answer the question of why I do it. I'm not doing it because I want to lead a single life or I'm cheating etc. I can only assume that subconsciously I've been doing it because I'm not happy. We also haven't slept together in around 2 months or more.

My last episode was a couple of weeks ago and things haven't been right since. Then today my Wife asks me to leave home as she has had enough and she would rather be on her own as it would make her happier.

I agree and take on board her wishes. I now have a flat to view tomorrow morning with the keys being available on Tuesday. I feel extremely apprehensive about all this as I haven't been properly single or had to find my way myself for a long time. I have friends for support however family wise it's only my Dad and no one else as we don't speak.

I am very fortunate I feel as I am paid tomorrow and also viewing a flat otherwise if this were to happen midway through or near the end of the month I would be on the streets. I literally have 2 suitcases in the back of my small van and that's it so starting from scratch literally scares me too.

I'm trying right now as I type, not to think of the kids as I'll no doubt end up grovelling to come home and I know at this point in time and for the future this isn't the right thing to do for everyone's sakes.

I've been in this position before with my ex-partner who I share my Daughter with however we broke up when I was 24 and I was speaking to all my family and moved back in with Mum so it wasn't an issues whereas I'm now 32, Married and have no one to fall back on apart from my own strength and courage to pick myself up and start afresh.

To be honest this was inevitable wither it was today or 2 years from now but the panic is now setting in

I would appreciated if you guys had any advice or tips for me on how to survive the early stages.

Thanks again

[Separated Dads]

I can only speak from a professional and objective point of view. You say you have not been happy and your wife is obviously not happy either, so you have decided to separate. If you feel this is the right decision, then rather than you both continue to live in an unhappy environment there are ways to split amicably, please see link: Developing an Amicable Relationship With Your Ex http://www.separateddads.co.uk/amicable-...ur-ex.html. This will help both you and your ex and your ex to separate without the least disruption and emotional fall-out for your child. Continued support and trying to make the separation as painless as possible all round will be the best for you all long term. Of course, this is also an idealistic point of view and many separating relationships experience teething problems until both parties adjust. However, you have been through a separation before and have weathered it and still have contact with your children which is a positive. You seem as though you are rational in your reasoning as to why you have been behaving the way you have. Plus, honest by not making excuses for your behaviour or portioning the blame on anyone else (i.e your wife), which will help in trying to establish a post-relationship relationship. Talking, discussing being reliable and trying to work together with your ex in the best interests of your child will help you to survive those early stages and make the wrench less painful.

[StartingLifeAgain]

Are you sure its what you actually want though?

It seems like subconsciously you do, but your subconscious can work against you, and one day you may wake up an realise it was all a mistake.

Rather than just go with it, isn't it worth exploring first?

Going out drinking once every 6 weeks, and not having sex for 2 months isn’t really a huge deal.

How do you want your future to be? Have you even thought about it?

[johnwtaylor1980]

To be honest I've been through the situation and I'll tell you now.

When you look back you'll realise what you had.
I can't comment on your personal feelings but I had 3 years of it, and blamed myself, depression and all that.

I honestly think your being premature.