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non molestation order
Hi everybody,

I'm new here so would just like to explain my situation.

Last year, 2 days after I left the family home I was arrested as I was being accused of domestic abuse. I was thrown in a cell, finger prints, DNA, mugshot taken. I had my police interview which lasted about an hour and after the recording the officer who interviewed me said from my answers he has no doubt that I was telling the truth. He then suggested I should make a counter claim against my ex as, and he is correct, the domestic abuse was actually against me rather than by me. I was cleared straight away and then I gave a witness statement against my ex. I didn't have my phone on me so couldn't supply my witness details however I was told that I'd receive a phone call in a few days to get my witness details off me, so they could then ask them and my ex can be questioned/arrested.

I tried to get through to the police on several occasions without success and then about a week and a half later I received a phone call from my local police officer who said "Just to let you know we're not taking any action against your ex due to lack of evidence, a bit like with you" And that was the end of it. 

The day after this my ex applied for legal aid which was granted early this year and has now taken out a non-molestation order against me. I went to court without a solicitor and contested it and a trial date has been set. I've since seen a solicitor who has helped me offer an undertaking. This has been refused. Any contact with my exs solicitor is being dragged out and they are refusing to answer any time contact has been mentioned. Apparently I am a "threat" to my ex despite me only ever contacting her twice, once was about my belongings she STILL has and another time was about my child (she didn't reply to either message)

My ex is playing on being volnurable however all she is trying to do is lay everything on me not to see my child. A contact order is about to be drafted however I'd like to get this non-molestation order sorted first.

My solicitor said on our intial meeting that if I now don't want to contest the order this will be nothing on my record, it is merely a "yeah ok I agree to the order" rather than me agreeing to the alegations?

I simply can't be doing with the hassle, the stress and the money (which I haven't got!) to be going through all of this at the same time. If I now change to not contest the order do you think this would be the easiest way?

I have no intention of seeing my ex, I don't want to see her and I don't want to contact her, so I can't see a problem with this order on my part, unless it affects me seeing my child.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a newbie on this site too, so probably more in need of advice than actually giving some advice, but I thought I'd just give you a quick reply. I'm sure someone with more experience will be along shortly to help you out.

If you read the couple of posts I've put on here recently, you'll see what a world of trouble these Non-Molestation Orders can lead to!   My son was in a similar situation and accepted a NMO, although not the basis on which it was made. All fine and dandy, you might think - unless you get a particularly malicious ex who will ring the police alleging breaches. My son would have been facing a third breach if the police hadn't checked the CCTV.

Plus, the NMO has now been extended and varied so, although he has a Child Arrangement Order in place for access, he also now has a NMO against him that says he can't contact his child!  Maybe all a bit extreme, but I thought I'd just let you know what can happen. My son didn't have legal representation when he contested the orders, but I'm not sure if it would have made much difference.

Hope you get things sorted out soon.
Fathers 4 Justice put out a tweet recently advising people NOT to accept or agree any undertakings.

They didn’t elaborate on why but presumably to do with CAO’s.

It would help if there was a definitive answer here I think.
I'm new to this myself also so I cannot offer much advice.

However, your issue sounds very similar to my own. My Wife left with my children to Stoke on Trent which is four hours away from myself claiming Domestic Abuse saying that I was controlling, manipulative and violent. Everyone who knows me knows that is not who I am and that I love my wife and children dearly even after what she has done.

But my wife has also secured a Non-Molestation Order against me and I cannot contact her. I tried multiple times so I have no doubt she will play the harassment angle when all I have done is try to plead with her to resolve the issue so that we can be together as a loving family still. But like yourself, I was actually and still am being the victim of domestic abuse as it is domestic abuse to provide false allegations in court to obtain an order to restrict access or contact. This was outlined to me by Hampshire Constabulary. I have since put my evidence forward about my wife abusing me and the Police wouldn't take any further action. Which to be honest I am glad about as I did not want her prosecuted because I want to work on my marriage. My wife is also trying to play that I am mentally ill when all I am suffering from is depression, most of which is because of the financial strain and abuse I suffered at her hands. But since she left with the children my mood has improved and I'm fighting the unjust actions she has taken against me.

But the advice I would give is to contest the Non-Molestation especially if you have evidence. Don't say anything bad about your Ex, but if you have evidence to disprove her claims while you are polite and courteous, and you make it about your children there should be no way that you shouldn't contest it.

I hope all goes well for you, try not to be depressed about what is happening, think of the children and fight for what is right. This can only last for so long. Hopefully, someone will give you some better advice than myself. But I hope it all goes well for you and you get the result you are looking for.

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