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horrible situation and no idea what to do help?
#1
Hi I have posted before about relationship issues with ex who effectively turned on me because I refused to include her son in my house purchase as he’d moved girlfriend in got her pregnant bought American pit bull etc so I won’t cober old ground

However ex’s dad called me just prior to birth to ask how I’d feel about us getting back together, when I informed him about the reason for ya parting he told me son no longer lives there due to an cident when my ex was 36 weeks pregnant whereby police were called and mental health people spoke to him and apparently he was very apologetic ( he has smashed House before) however my ex apparently wanted him out of the house.
My point is that he returns daily to clean after the dog which lives in the yard and I am strongly considering taking this to court fir at least shared custody but ideally full custody as my home life is very settled I am an almost 50 year old professional with two daughters 16,17 both in education at home from previous relationship (their mum and I were together 16 years but she does suddenly. As opposed to my ex who is at home is diagnosed and medicated for bipolar type 2 and depression her son smokes weed (a lot of it) she has two other children who are bother under social service care ( occasional meeting with mum) I think youngest has confidence issues and middle child had attempted suicide but apparently was unintentional.
My only reasoning for taking this to court is my ex being unreasonable in that I ask several days in advance for contact with my baby due to travelling almost 50 miles to get there and I’m told she doesn’t run to routine however she is woken every morning to be put in car to do school run? And also I am now aware that the eldest visits on a daily basis and is somewhat of a loose cannon also having previously took his mothers car etc without consent.
I have completed form to request to arrange mediation any opinions or advice would be hugely appreciated
Thanks I’m afvance
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#2
How old is the baby now? With mediation you can just google local mediators and ring them and make an appointment. The first appointment is a MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting) and you go on your own and tell the mediator what the situation is. They will then invite the ex to attend the next session. If she won't go or doesn't turn up, you ask to be signed off by the mediator and you can then apply to court for a Child Arrangements order. The requirement for applying to court is to have attended a MIAM - they like you to have attempted mediation but actually it is just the MIAM that is the requirement.

If you are thinking of wanting to apply to have your baby live with you, you would need some very good evidence. Just saying - her son smokes weed etc isn't enough. You'd need some kind of report-eg from social services.

I would suggest contacting social services anyway and letting them know your concerns - particularly about the drugs (weed) and the dodgy people visiting and anything else you can think of that directly puts your baby at risk. Social services may not do much - but they should write a report and you can ask for a copy of the report afterwards.

To be honest it could be hard to get child to live with you unless social services say your baby is unsafe. One route might be to go for a 50/50 shared care order so your baby lives with both parents and you see them 50% of the time. You can then keep an eye on things, and have a better chance of getting her to live with you if going to court again as your child already lives with you half the time.

But it might depend how old she is - I believe when they are under 2 they give minimal time to the Dad. Unless you can prove safety and welfare issues. With it being a court situation it's all about proof and evidence. And that usually means some kind of official report.
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#3
baby is only 3 months old, my main point is she has issues with the elder three in that there is already social service involvement as well as CAMHS and on top of that there has been a couple of police visits due to her inability to keep her middle child in order on top of that the middle child (12) has been suspended from school, sent to a "naughty" school who sent her back and is now on a final chance at school due to constantly breaching rules etc and ex has been told that the next step would be exclusion and out of the education system.
On top of this there is this incident from december which I don't know any more details about but CAMHS and the police were called and subsequently involved so surely the court must see all that?
I would be happy for a 50/50 and think that your suggestion on that was fantastic advice.

Just to clarify the two children are 8 and 12 and social services became involved as the 12 year old ended up on hospital due to accidental overdose but there has also been police involvement due to them being called when she has simply not come home from school and stayed out all night/weekend.
The younger one is simply lagging behind his peers, I believe my ex to be a good mum but has no control over the kids who walk all over her and now she is paying the price.
I don’t know fir certain what went on in the house that night resulting in police and mental health involvement but really believe that whilst the baby is young then nowbis the time to get this sorted.
I for example asked on Sunday if I could have access to my baby the following Wednesday and was told “shud be ok” I sent same text on Tuesday asking if tomorrow was still ok and got the same response then I text again on Wednesday morning saying I was leaving (takes an hour )when I get there at midday my ex was still in bed when she opened the door and said I’d have to wait whilst she dressed baby etc etc I simply said leave her in baby grow I’ll dress her when I get back home she told me I was making her feel uncomfortable and to leave and she would t ct in half hour or so which I feel is unacceptable seeing as I offered 3 days notice.
I can’t help but think my life is so much more stable for our baby but just unsure what way to go about it oh and as yet I’ve taken no legal advice
Thanks again
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#4
It might be an idea to get a free half hour legal advice. I am not sure if it is common to get 50/50 when a baby is that young unless the Mother is willing. But - try and get copies of any police reports, and do call social services. Although they are already involved it isn't directly about your baby and you would be specifically asking them to look into the situation for that particular child.

I'd have thought that would be the best way to try and achieve having your baby live with you by getting professional reports. If it was an emergency situation (eg the police or social services were called because of an incident) you could do an urgent ex parte hearing and have the backup of social services. To get temporary residence while it was investigate.

It's hard though when there are so many "grey areas" within social services. You could maybe write to them with your concerns. Then each time there's a further concern or incident, write to them about that. Then a pattern will start to form and they will need to do something when you highlight issues.

Trouble is she may stop contact if she knows you've contacted social services. Another option, if you're reasonably amicable, is to try and stay on good terms and try and get her to agree to you having the baby more often.

I'd suggest keeping records of when you have the baby too. Keep a diary or something, just for contact times. Write down every single stay and times picked up and dropped off. And also keep any observations in the diary on certain days - eg who was in the house, or any other issues.

It can help to be able to say exactly when you've had contact. I've cared for son since he was a few weeks old, about a third of the time - he is now 9 and I had to go to court recently only to find ex claimed I hardly saw son at all for the first few years! He saw more of me than he did of her! So being able to prove these things from day one is important. And keep records throughout.
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