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Alienation?
#1
Hi there, got to see my daughters today! Has a great day with them, but a few worrying signs are coming evident and i'm not sure if i need to say something to the ex. 

The whole way through my divorce it's been assumed by the ex that my daughters have one stable home (with her obviously), and they can see me as she sees fit. We've agreed on 2 nights a week for leaving he family home, although i'm considering mediation to fight for more as i'm not happy. 

There's always been comments from the girls when i see them, about stuff 'back at their house', 'are we going home?' etc etc, and then today the 4 year old said 'mummy's said we're coming to yours for a sleepover!". Well maybe i'm being over touchy, but i'm not a sleepover. I'm their father and they're coming to stay at my house the same way they do with her. 

Is this early stages of alienation, or am i being over sensitive?
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#2
No I don't think it alienation. It is a typical mindset with most mothers. They think the child needs one main home and obviously! that is with the mother. Even my judge said "a child needs one main home".
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#3
My kids have had a hard journey after their mother took them to a refuge, got me kicked out of the family home, 6 months only seeing them at a contact centre, and now nearly a year of seeing me 2 weekends out of 4 and half school holidays.

When I got kicked out, I moved to be close to work which was 50 miles away from the kids. This was hard and led to the judge at my final hearing effectively declaring that whilst I had asked for it, overnights in the week were not practicable, which I agreed with tbh.

Now I live 10 minutes from their school.

Since their mom and I split the kids have been pretty good at adapting to my 2 new addresses.

I was really chuffed when my son (9) recently said completely out of the blue "Dad I feel really comfortable in your home"

And my daughter (10) corrected me during a conversation with a friend where I said something like "the kids home with their Mom..." and she said "we have two homes Daddy because we come to yours too"

so my advice would be 

I agree its not a sleepover, they are spending time with their Dad and that is super important.
However, depending on the age of your daughters (one is 4?) that is how they think of it because a) their mom has told them that, b) they may do that with friends/family? so don't make a thing of it to your daughter.
If you can, mention your concern to your ex and just make your point calmly and without any emotion.
keep a note of what happens though as you may need to refer to this in future if she does try to limit your time

(I am still battling with my ex over this matter and it is difficult not to see their actions as attempts at alienation)
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#4
Takes a long time for the kids to adapt to the 'new vocabulary'

Quiet word with the ex.. sleepovers are something they have at friends houses and 'Her nights at daddys house' is something she has when with you...

Position it as you don't want the kid to be confused... then move on.. you see the kids, the ex supports overnight contact... that's a great place to be in (you should apply to get more 35-50%)
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#5
My daughter who is 4 says to me am I coming for a sleepover too so maybe it's just a kids perspective.
Does anyone ever have the comment from ex the she is the main carer so she decides when I can see kids. That one tickles me cause sorry I'm not a carer I'm a father
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#6
(03-31-2018, 09:37 AM)Trimmer78 Wrote: My daughter who is 4 says to me am I coming for a sleepover too so maybe  it's just a kids perspective.
Does anyone ever have the comment from ex the she is the main carer so she decides when I can see kids. That one tickles me cause sorry I'm not a carer I'm a father

They are all like it.

I like the phrase "say goodbye to daddy" as I drop them off with her smiling at me more often than not.
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