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Time to bite the bullet and do what’s right for me and mine
#1
Hi guys!

First timer here so please be gentle.

I’m going to try and keep the history lesson as brief as possible.

6 years ago me and the ex split up. When we split we both agreed that we would keep all necessary contact and agreements between us. We agreed on maintenance (which was 20% higher than the recommended sum by the then CSA) and also agreed on when I would have my son (2 nights one week, 3 the next) for six years I stuck this out. All the while enduring threats of police if I didn’t return him to her as/when and where she saw fit.
Fast forward six years I am now married with two step children. One daughter from a previous relationship (who’s mother has never given me any trouble WHATSOEVER and couldn’t speak highly of and her and her husband were guests at my wedding) and said son. So in total FOUR children. To say the current arrangement with the ex has caused strain between me and my wife would be a huge understatement. My wife believes I bend over backwards for the ex just for an easy life. Which I am now, after recent events am enclined to agree with. I have always lived in fear that my ex could pull the plug on my seeing him so often at any point and there was nothing I could do about it.

January of this year pushed me over the edge. After agreeing to swapping weekends with her for whatever reason. She hits me with the ‘are you paying the right amount for him’ text. Turns out I wasn’t. Because my earnings had increased she was entitled to more. Which I had no problem with. The turning point was when she DEMANDED to know how much money I earn. DEMANDED to know as of when I earn it. My money is not easily calculated due to the amount of overtime and on call I do. I decided enough was enough. I would no longer be bullied by her and my son used as my weakness. I went to see a solicitor.

My solicitor advised me to get the agreement in writing and signed. Which she has now agreed to do. But she has also said she has a few points to make and she has a lot to say which she will write in a letter and send to me and a copy to my solicitor. 

Me being the doting father that I am, am now worried what this means. What could she be up to? What’s her next move? If she’s agreed to the arrangements what more is there to say? 

Can anyone please put my mind at ease or prepare me for what’s to come?
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#2
In a family based arrangement the CMS calculator is only a guide. You can pay more or less although they rarely ever settle for less. So really in this kind of agreement there is no correct amount as such an agreement you are both happy with is the agreed amount.

I Imagine she is just going to have a rant on how she feels she has been short changed etc and that you have e been controlling her financially etc etc. Usual stuff I suppose but not reallyrelevant after signing an agreement.

Regardless of any agreement she can go to the CMS anytime but her claim will only start from the day the recieve it so there will not be any arrears.
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#3
(03-16-2018, 08:46 PM)Busydad27 Wrote: Hi guys!

First timer here so please be gentle.

I’m going to try and keep the history lesson as brief as possible.

6 years ago me and the ex split up. When we split we both agreed that we would keep all necessary contact and agreements between us. We agreed on maintenance (which was 20% higher than the recommended sum by the then CSA) and also agreed on when I would have my son (2 nights one week, 3 the next) for six years I stuck this out. All the while enduring threats of police if I didn’t return him to her as/when and where she saw fit.
Fast forward six years I am now married with two step children. One daughter from a previous relationship (who’s mother has never given me any trouble WHATSOEVER and couldn’t speak highly of and her and her husband were guests at my wedding) and said son. So in total FOUR children. To say the current arrangement with the ex has caused strain between me and my wife would be a huge understatement. My wife believes I bend over backwards for the ex just for an easy life. Which I am now, after recent events am enclined to agree with. I have always lived in fear that my ex could pull the plug on my seeing him so often at any point and there was nothing I could do about it.

January of this year pushed me over the edge. After agreeing to swapping weekends with her for whatever reason. She hits me with the ‘are you paying the right amount for him’ text. Turns out I wasn’t. Because my earnings had increased she was entitled to more. Which I had no problem with. The turning point was when she DEMANDED to know how much money I earn. DEMANDED to know as of when I earn it. My money is not easily calculated due to the amount of overtime and on call I do. I decided enough was enough. I would no longer be bullied by her and my son used as my weakness. I went to see a solicitor.

My solicitor advised me to get the agreement in writing and signed. Which she has now agreed to do. But she has also said she has a few points to make and she has a lot to say which she will write in a letter and send to me and a copy to my solicitor. 

Me being the doting father that I am, am now worried what this means. What could she be up to? What’s her next move? If she’s agreed to the arrangements what more is there to say? 

Can anyone please put my mind at ease or prepare me for what’s to come?

In terms of your income, she has no legal right to know this. She can put in CMS, but they will only tell her what she is due.

While you might of had a wage increase, it is "Taxable Income" over a case year in a CMS Situation. Outside of that, you need to look at your Self Assesment or P60 details.

In a CMS case, you have have an increase of up to 25%, without payments going up until the next "Case Year".

Therefore, you might still be paying the correct amount.

As your Solicitor is going to charge you for a letter they get, I would write to her, telling her that your Solicitor is not under instruction regarding this, and therefore, any comunication she sends to them, is at her cost.

You might be better putting in CMS yourself, as is your legal right, and just pay her what they say.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#4
At least she is going to write it to you and your Solicitor rather than get a Solicitor to write to you! These things can be like nasty bombshells but just choose your moment to read it - count to 10, count to 10 again, have a cup of tea and then decide not to let her get to you.

The main thing I think is sorting out the arrangements with the kids if you can. If it's the case that you never know if or when they are coming and she chops and changes arrangements a lot, the only way to say no to that is to get some kind of order. You could suggest she goes to mediation with you and agrees something there - which could be put in a consent order. But if she refuses the only option then would be to apply to court, or put up with the faffy arrangements.
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#5
Whoops ! Posted in wrong thread ... not sure how I did that lol
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