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Now What
#1
So consent order reached in court instead of final hearing - not sealed on the day.  Ex trying to change a lot of it and wouldn't approve it, sent to Judge to have it ratified and she didn't and basically said sort it out as all ex's arguments seemed to be about holiday weeks and birthdays etc. What was agreed in court was well documented.

Current situation is as expected she keeps moving the goalposts and asking for more and more changes as she thinks she has me over a barrell and holding me to ransom.  Solicitor thinking of negotiating on a few things.  Unpleasant as it is, it would be good to get the order sealed if it's just about swapping some holiday weeks - but she also wants rid of phone calls and special days.  And am expecting some last minute bigger thing just before the deadline to go back to the Judge whether it's approved or not.

If no agreement for the order to go ahead and be sealed in a few days it means going back to court for a "prescribed order" whatever that is.

Any ideas what I should do?  It seems morally and legally wrong that I have a legally binding order achieved by consent with barristers at court, and that she can then turn round and say - want to change it all.  On the other hand if I get most of the order and it's good, it's worth having, as it's "lives with both parents"  and no idea what the Judge would give now.  Not to mention the time and costs.

Any thoughts?  Should I just say no and let it go back to court (that may happen anyway if she demands too many changes).
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#2
(03-21-2018, 06:45 AM)Charlie7000 Wrote: So consent order reached in court instead of final hearing - not sealed on the day.  Ex trying to change a lot of it and wouldn't approve it, sent to Judge to have it ratified and she didn't and basically said sort it out as all ex's arguments seemed to be about holiday weeks and birthdays etc. What was agreed in court was well documented.

Current situation is as expected she keeps moving the goalposts and asking for more and more changes as she thinks she has me over a barrell and holding me to ransom.  Solicitor thinking of negotiating on a few things.  Unpleasant as it is, it would be good to get the order sealed if it's just about swapping some holiday weeks - but she also wants rid of phone calls and special days.  And am expecting some last minute bigger thing just before the deadline to go back to the Judge whether it's approved or not.

If no agreement for the order to go ahead and be sealed in a few days it means going back to court for a "prescribed order" whatever that is.

Any ideas what I should do?  It seems morally and legally wrong that I have a legally binding order achieved by consent with barristers at court, and that she can then turn round and say - want to change it all.  On the other hand if I get most of the order and it's good, it's worth having, as it's "lives with both parents"  and no idea what the Judge would give now.  Not to mention the time and costs.

Any thoughts?  Should I just say no and let it go back to court (that may happen anyway if she demands too many changes).

Charlie, honestly this is horrific, just when you think its all sorted.
Not sure if anyone can help, what does your gut tell you? if you compromise on a few things would she really start coming for more?
I was warned by a solicitor a long time ago that everyone bashes hard to get parties to agree and that if you keep compromising then you end up with a £15K order that isnt much better than what you have now.
You've got some important stuff in there, maybe you live to fight another day, now youve been through it you could easily represent yourself next time.

Use the force Charlie, what does your instinct tell you? can you practically carry on? you must be mentally exhausted.
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#3
Mentally and physically and emotionally and financially. My gut right now is my Solicitor is also compromising my position to get a deal - and I may have to compromise on some things but I will choose which things and in what order. And she doesn't know my ex - you give way on one thing and she wants more and more. Have instructed Solicitor to send a formal response outlining what was agreed in court on the day - the few adjustments we will make to work around her concerns and if that isn't agreed it stands as agreed in court. Trouble is I think my ex could trick our solicitor - we'd probably get all finalised and then she'd say no again at the last minute.

Yes she is already coming for more! Will try and get this order even if I have been shafted if it remains worth getting by next week and if not just accept going back to court for final decision (and may get a worse order).
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#4
What a nightmare. The more and more I read posts it always seems to be the mothers dragging and complicating matters along side the one eyed CAFCASS officers.

I really hope this gets sorted for u Charlie.
I never knew how disoriented the family courts are until u step in to one wearing fathers boots.
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#5
Sounds to me like you need to stand your ground then. Send a clear message that youre not giving up. Its surely costing her too so who is more desperate to get it sorted.
Ive realised how hard it is to find a good solicitor, it seems like they hand out "partnerships" like theyre M&Ms nowadays.

I reckon with all the money between us we could afford to hire a solicitor solely for our cases on this site. Or at least put one of us through law school. I feel a business idea coming on.
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#6
Solicitor has been very good, but it's all gone pear-shaped now and it seems the rules have all gone out the window. Irony is the negotiating seems to be more with Solicitor than ex at the moment! It is my life, my decision and even if I make the wrong one I am not having an ex and a couple of solicitors deciding what I'm accepting or where the deals stop or what is up for negotiation.

Sounds like a great business idea! One thing about being under this kind of pressure you do have the odd eureka moment. I'm treating this as a business deal at the moment. But scared.
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#7
Amen,
Its the uncertainty that causes incredible anxiety, even if I survive the process and get the order its wiping me out financially, no more rainy day fund.

Recently Ive been waking up at night completely drenched in cold sweat. Google says its low testosterone from stress.
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#8
I know that feeling - thought I had died last week. Twelve thousand pounds and no order. And now back to being dictated to and bullied and held to ransom. Six months ago I was balking at £5,000. I honestly think I'd have been better doing it on my own because no-one would have talked me into a consent order then! Although I'd have needed help in court - I'm no good with talking about stuff.
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