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Dictating Ex
#1
Hi,

I have been separated from my ex for over 4 years now and we have a 5 year old son together.

It recently seems to have gotten much worse but she dictates to me what I do when I have my son. She will phone multiple times a day when I have him to 'check' on him. If I have any plans when I have my son she tells me that I can't ask my parents to watch him as it's up to her. She treats me like a glorified babysitter and gives me no respect as his Dad. I have Parental Responsibility as my name is on his birth certificate.

I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice on this situation and what rights I have to make the decisions when he is in my care.

Thanks
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#2
nothing to do with her when hes in your care and the same goes with who you can leave him with...tell her to wind her neck in!
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#3
Lucky you... mine dictates to me what i do when i don't have the kids

When kid is in your care ... in your care and if your mum then baby sits while you go to the shops .. .nothing to do with the ex
Phones have an off button ... use it
Suggest to the ex she phones before bed to wish him good night etc and (don't suggest this) but any other contact should be emergencies only

You have all the rights ... so she is just playing a game.. .phone off lad and focus on the kid
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#4
(03-23-2018, 04:32 PM)paolo38 Wrote: Hi,

I have been separated from my ex for over 4 years now and we have a 5 year old son together.

It recently seems to have gotten much worse but she dictates to me what I do when I have my son. She will phone multiple times a day when I have him to 'check' on him. If I have any plans when I have my son she tells me that I can't ask my parents to watch him as it's up to her. She treats me like a glorified babysitter and gives me no respect as his Dad. I have Parental Responsibility as my name is on his birth certificate.

I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice on this situation and what rights I have to make the decisions when he is in my care.

Thanks

She has no legal reason for the phone calls. As far as the law is concerned, you are both on the Same Legal Standing until a Child Arrangements Order is made, and then you outrank her in the time the Court puts the child in your care for. I would tell her no phone calls except in emergancy, or when the child is with you for over 3 days at a time.

Contact is based on your avaliablity, and its about you having Quality Time, not you sorting out child care. If either of you is using child are at times the other parent is avaliable, a court would give them that time. 

If grandparents used to baby site in relationship, then you have a case for them to get some time, even more so if you can not take the full 6.5 weeks (half the school holidays) due to work.

You can take the child anywhere you want in your time, and if the child is sleeping overnight their its fine if your out while the child is in bed as long as an adult is in the house.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#5
(03-23-2018, 06:21 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(03-23-2018, 04:32 PM)paolo38 Wrote: Hi,

I have been separated from my ex for over 4 years now and we have a 5 year old son together.

It recently seems to have gotten much worse but she dictates to me what I do when I have my son. She will phone multiple times a day when I have him to 'check' on him. If I have any plans when I have my son she tells me that I can't ask my parents to watch him as it's up to her. She treats me like a glorified babysitter and gives me no respect as his Dad. I have Parental Responsibility as my name is on his birth certificate.

I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice on this situation and what rights I have to make the decisions when he is in my care.

Thanks

She has no legal reason for the phone calls. As far as the law is concerned, you are both on the Same Legal Standing until a Child Arrangements Order is made, and then you outrank her in the time the Court puts the child in your care for. I would tell her no phone calls except in emergancy, or when the child is with you for over 3 days at a time.

Contact is based on your avaliablity, and its about you having Quality Time, not you sorting out child care. If either of you is using child are at times the other parent is avaliable, a court would give them that time. 

If grandparents used to baby site in relationship, then you have a case for them to get some time, even more so if you can not take the full 6.5 weeks (half the school holidays) due to work.

You can take the child anywhere you want in your time, and if the child is sleeping overnight their its fine if your out while the child is in bed as long as an adult is in the house.

Hi
This may seem a little odd having a grandparent reply however I have been searching for answers for my son.
He has a 4yr old who up until recently stayed overnight midweek for 1 night and Saturday overnight.  My son's job involves working every weekend due to the nature of his job (every weekend usually March through to October and then a bit less over the winter months).  What normally happened on a Saturday was that he would pick his child up (son lives with us since splitting) - spend quality time until he had to go to work then we would give him his tea, bath and then bed.  When he woke up in the morning Daddy was there to spend quality time until ex picked up - just after dinner.  Ex got shirty about this and said it was not quality time and stopped the child coming when Dad was working (nothing to do with me I am an amazing Nana she tells me) - however - most weekends she would text and say would I like grandchild to come - she knows how much I love having said child - so it was when it suited her!!  Big problem occurred (ex and son are really bad communicators) when she text to say could I have the child at the weekend - unfortunately we were going away for a week - no-one told me she exclaimed - well I hope he isn't working - I told her that he was whereby she went off on a rant stating she had tickets that she had since the beginning of the year - told none of us though prior to this - however I am entitled to a holiday.  (I must add she got married recently - she also has another child with another partner).
She is very restrictive of when my son can have his child stating that she does not want the kids split up so they go to their dads on the same day.  (She likes to be childfree)

Trouble is the other childs father works Monday -Friday, and my son works weekends.

She sent my son a text (they don't talk - they text) stating if he could not commit to a weekend she wanted him to give her full parental responsibility!  Obviously my son would not do that (name on birth certificate) - therefore she withdrew contact and told him to take her to court.
He is devastated - he adores his child, and the child idolises him.  What makes matters worse - we cannot imagine what the child is thinking - we know this as my son was away and I received a text stating the child was beside themselves when his sibling went to their dad's and could the child come to ours.  I obviously said yes and the text back was they were so excited.  She responds to my son's texts when he asks about his child and please can he see the child with - the child is happy and content and has not asked about you - what complete and utter tripe.

So he has not seen the child - we were also due to go away - my son and his child were coming too - but now she wont allow it stating no contact until after all proceedings.  

My son has been to his first mediation session - we are waiting for her to go to hers - then apparently they meet together - this is a very long and winded process and it is killing me to see my son so upset, but even more hurting is the fact the child is not seeing his dad.

So as you can see (sorry for the long post) all is not happy and my question is - does it matter that I look after my grandchild whilst dad is a work - he gets to see him before he goes and then the morning after.

She has told him to get his priorities right - he has five days in the week that he could find alternative employment - he loves his job (he loves his child too) but he is doing something he is very good at but means he works weekends - this cant be changed - most brides want to get married at a weekend - he is a professional musician.

Where do you think my son stands?  He wants more access but she wont allow it as her kids must see their fathers at the same time - end of - bit different when they work completely opposite!
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#6
Shes got a big shock coming. If your son has every other weekend for example its up to himself if hes around or you are around. His son will get the privilege of seeing granddad or both. its about dads availability and certainly not your problem what ex partners other childrens dad is doing.

I would try mediation with ex and ask for 1 overnight during week to remain and maybe change to every other weekend if you can do that. if shes hostile you could even do fri (from school) Monday(drop off to school ) every other week
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