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Nursery/swearing
#1
Hi, my ex and I separated over a year ago and the only contact we have now is via email - and that is rare. It was a bitter breakup.

After an informal access agreement that worked for a long time, she recently began changing days and times, at short notice and against my wishes. I have applied to court for formalised access but that could take ages.


My most pressing concern is that our son (2) has used swear words at mine several times. The context on one occasion made it clear I was being insulted by either his mum or someone she associated with, while the other times it's been the f-word. Obviously I told him they were naughty words and informed her of what had happened, but she did not even reply.


The other issue is that I suspect, from things he has said, that she is already or will soon be putting him in nursery, but she ignores questions about this. I understand parental responsibility means I should be involved in these decisions but no idea how to enforce this given I don't know for sure he is going or which nursery it is.


Any advice on these two issues would be greatly appreciated.
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#2
I think you need to get it to court asap. When there is an order you won't need as much communication. I'd also be concerned at that kind of language at 2 as they can hardly talk anyway at 2. Clearly he is hearing things and repeating things, and it sounds like your ex may be seeing someone new (messing about with contact and change in child). She might ignore your questions, but you won't need to ask them so much if you have a court order.

It's usually 4 to 6 weeks between submitting application and having a first hearing. Maybe 6 months in total (9 to 12 months if there are any allegations against you that need ruling out). What you could do also, is apply for a specific issues order now. Much quicker and short and inexpensive. Regarding nursery. Just apply and ask for a specific issue that both parents agreement is needed on choice of nursery or future change of nursery or school, and ask for it to be ordered that she now goes to nursery at x place. That you have had to apply because the ex will not communicate at all on this or any other matter.

Yes with PR it's supposed to mean both parents deciding but often that gets railroaded. Whereas a specific issues order is enforceable.

Keep an eye on your son. What do you think is going on? Do you think he's overhearing negativity about you (slagging off) or are you concerned about something even more serious (eg a new bf swearing at son or something?). If you have any concerns at all call social services - and ask them to visit you when son is with you so they can observe.
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#3
Thank you.

I don't think he is being sworn at by her or her partner. He never appears nervous or introverted (quite the opposite) and previous things he has said are clearly repetition of insults towards me that he has overheard. He repeats everything. He turns 2 next week but speaks very well for his age. But he never uses the swear words in context so I don't think he understands them.

I have sent the paperwork for an Arrangements Order to court but regarding a Specific Issues order I'd have to prove it was in his best interests to start nursery now rather than when he turns 3 - that might be tricky. But I could certainly apply that we must agree on future nursery and school choices - is there much precedent for that being granted?
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#4
Maybe not at this stage. If it was a case that he's about to start nursery and you can't get any communication on it then it might be worth doing. But if he might not start till he's three and you've already got an application in, it could be dealt with at the same time.
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#5
Thanks, I'll see how it goes. If he starts at 3 she might be applying soon. If he goes to the same primary as his half brother I would have no issue with that as it's a good school. It's more that I want to be kept informed before it's too late.
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#6
Just read back. If as you say you understand she is or may be putting him into a nursery soon - and she won't tell you anything about it then yes - you want to know what's what before it's too late. So you could just do a specific issues order now just to say choice of nursery needs both parents consent. On your application you could say you understand your son will shortly be enrolled for nursery but have had no response or communication from ex as regards this matter when you queried it. And you therefore request the court to order that the choice of nursery requires the agreement and consent of both parents.

If nothing else, that application may bring her out of the woodwork even if it's to say it's all rubbish and he isn't starting nursery yet. But it means you will be involved when the time happens. I would apply for the specific issues order. You can ask for a 48 hour hearing with one of those. Court fee is £215 and you use the same C100 form.
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#7
Cheers, I'll look into it.
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#8
I asked again re nursery but she said she doesn't need to tell me why she changed her mind and once he goes to nursery I'll know about it. So I think a Specific Issue order makes sense but am I likely to get one?
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#9
Yes I dont see why not, both parents have PR so need to consult and agree on schools, it might be worth reminding her of that.
Just a thought, if there are any other issues, you might want to change to a child arrangements order and get it all fixed. Its seems to me that if youre going through the court you might as well get contact protected too, as if your specific issue is successful you can bet she will carry on playing games. You might find yourself back in court. Just a thought
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#10
I have already sent the paperwork for a Child Arrangements Order for the very reason you suggest. I now wish I had tacked the education Specific Issue onto it as I will now have to pay again.
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