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Changing agreed dates/times??
#1
hi guys, just wondered if anybody has the answer as im getting reall down about all this. 

we have a mutual signed agreement which states i have the kids every other wknd and one night during the week.
now she has just told me that she wants to swap wknds and gave me a list of reasons why it would be a good idea, mainly because it suits her but i have so many wknds already planned/booked paid for so i am really going to struggle and i am now in sync with my mates and their kids so we all go out and have a good time semi often. 

she says she is doing it and if i dont like it go and see a solicitor.

and she wont let take my kids out to see them any other times or evenings even though my kids are asking ,me to do so..... its breaking my heart in all honesty.



i really dont know what to do....... is she within her rights as the main carer as she keeps telling me.

thanks in advance........... a very frustrated dad
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#2
Do you have this in writing? I would make all arrangements by email from now on so you do have it in writing. Right now I would write her a brief formal email just saying regarding x and y week-ends, you already have arrangements made and don't wish to swap them but to keep to the usual regular pattern for the children, but for z week-end you could swap week-ends on the basis of an additional overnight on x day so there isn't a long gap in the childrens' routine.

Then sit back and wait for the reply. If she rings, don't answer. You need it in text or email ideally.

Either way the only way to deal with this is to apply to the court for an order as then she has to keep to arrangements or she will be in breach. And can only change them by agreement. Then if you don't agree it doesn't happen. If she does it anyway she is in breach and you enforce the order. If you need to enforce 2 or 3 times it will set a pattern and the courts may do something about it. eg put a clause in saying if she does it again then residence will be transferred.

She is just making excuses or she could organise things at other times, or you could take the kids to whatever it is they are supposed to want to do that week-end.

Has anything triggered this? New partner? They often like to disrupt your regular routine and cause problems for that kind of reason. Had the same thing myself last year and it does wreck your normal home life, with friend, other kids activities etc, and that's what it's intended to do - for whatever reason. Applied to court in September and final hearing was last month. More or less got what I wanted from it.

Before you can apply you need to have attended a MIAM (first mediation appointment - tell the mediator what's what). Mediator then invites your ex to second appointment. If she won't go or doesn't turn up you get signed off and apply to court using form C100.

How old are your children?
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#3
The ex’s always assume they have the control but court awarded access mostly goes on YOUR availability. They will also likely favour keeping the current arrangements. You will be the applicant stating which days you want.

You could also get more contact days from the court if you ask...
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#4
Yeah throw the bus at her, ask for 50/50 joint residency and see if that doesnt sort it out.

Anyway, you have an arrangement and youve adjusted your life around the kids. Perfectly normal and to be respected. She on the other hand has an arrangement in place but is not doing the same. Of course you know this.
So Id just go straight to mediation and court. Represent yourself because you just want to keep things as they are and its up to her to argue otherwise. Dont bother arguing with her, when they get in the mindset that the "main carer" can unilaterally do what they want you wont get anywhere.
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#5
(04-12-2018, 10:16 PM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Do you have this in writing? I would make all arrangements by email from now on so you do have it in writing. Right now I would write her a brief formal email just saying regarding x and y week-ends, you already have arrangements made and don't wish to swap them but to keep to the usual regular pattern for the children, but for z week-end you could swap week-ends on the basis of an additional overnight on x day so there isn't a long gap in the childrens' routine.

Then sit back and wait for the reply. If she rings, don't answer. You need it in text or email ideally.

Either way the only way to deal with this is to apply to the court for an order as then she has to keep to arrangements or she will be in breach. And can only change them by agreement. Then if you don't agree it doesn't happen. If she does it anyway she is in breach and you enforce the order. If you need to enforce 2 or 3 times it will set a pattern and the courts may do something about it. eg put a clause in saying if she does it again then residence will be transferred.

She is just making excuses or she could organise things at other times, or you could take the kids to whatever it is they are supposed to want to do that week-end.

Has anything triggered this? New partner? They often like to disrupt your regular routine and cause problems for that kind of reason. Had the same thing myself last year and it does wreck your normal home life, with friend, other kids activities etc, and that's what it's intended to do - for whatever reason. Applied to court in September and final hearing was last month. More or less got what I wanted from it.

Before you can apply you need to have attended a MIAM (first mediation appointment - tell the mediator what's what). Mediator then invites your ex to second appointment. If she won't go or doesn't turn up you get signed off and apply to court using form C100.

How old are your children?



hi

the agreement is in writing as i had a solicitor draw it up and we both signed. it just states alternate weekends.

first of all i have kept to the agreement bar one weekend when i asked if it was ok to swap wknds and she reluctantly said yes, she asked me the same last week so i said yes as she did it for me.

now she seems to of fabricated this thing where she wants them this wknd to do something special with them, i told her its none of my business but i will help her out anyway.
she constantly spouts off at me about how she is the main carer etc, but with me letting her have them this wknd i am already swapped wknds in a way and shes tried the usual emotional blackmail by saying am i happy i wont see them for 2 weeks so i told her we would just do the one night a wknd till my time is made up.

my kids are 12 and 7.

now, she hasnt actually adjusted the arrangements apart from swapping my wknds to suit her, and with only a weeks notice.
morally its wrong but she is still techniacally still sticking to the agreement so i dont know what to do.

she works at a rather large solicitors (secratary) but she has lots of friends who are solicitors who give her advice.
and so she seems to know the system.

not sure if anything has triggered it, but she does sound dead set on swapping. maybe she has a new fella, dunno and nothing to do with me.
or that she wants to go out next weekend because she keeps going on at me to have them next weekend.
this is all just fabricated to swap..... ie... her having them this wknd

i always email since i blocked her texts as she used to send me texts saying her new boyfriend would meet my kids if he was still in her bed in the morning.

(04-12-2018, 10:59 PM)Hazy Wrote: The ex’s always assume they have the control but court awarded access mostly goes on YOUR availability. They will also likely favour keeping the current arrangements. You will be the applicant stating which days you want.

You could also get more contact days from the court if you ask...

really? i know a few blokes where it didnt go in their favour.
the arrangements are technically th same just she decides when she wants to change it and reminds me of the fact that she is the main carer. think the power has gone to her head tbh.

(04-13-2018, 09:07 AM)Naive Wrote: Yeah throw the bus at her, ask for 50/50 joint residency and see if that doesnt sort it out.

Anyway, you have an arrangement and youve adjusted your life around the kids. Perfectly normal and to be respected. She on the other hand has an arrangement in place but is not doing the same. Of course you know this.
So Id just go straight to mediation and court. Represent yourself because you just want to keep things as they are and its up to her to argue otherwise. Dont bother arguing with her, when they get in the mindset that the "main carer" can unilaterally do what they want you wont get anywhere.

ha ye your not kidding, she is like a devil posessed.
its a real shame as i have a really good relationship with both my kids and they want to see as much as they can aswell.

also i have suspected that my emails to my youngest have already been read as they are not highlighted in bold and no notifications, so i sent the youngest an email asking if they had asked their mum about coming out with me one evening... to make sure before i asked the mother, and low and behold i had an email from the grouch stating that i shouldnt be getting a 7 year old to ask her if its ok and i should ask her myself!!
oh dear.... she is a right one i tell thee. but she still says no and she doesnt agree with me that its benificial to have one on one time with the kids as it will alienate the other.????
iv heard some excuses in my time but that takes the biscuit.
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#6
(04-14-2018, 04:41 AM)accounttax Wrote: Its very helpful informations are included in this article. I would try to follow the instrutions and rules described here. I hope you include more post. Thanks a lot for sharing this post.

sorry.... didnt quite understand that??
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#7
It was spam Captain Caveman - advertising something underneath. Deleted it now.
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