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Is this a good deal?
#1
Hi everyone,

I am divorcing from my wife, we just started discussing how to organise ourselves. In essence, we found a deal on the finances side of things, so that's sorted.

Now in terms of the 2 children, my suggestion was that I have them during the week because schools are closer, and she can have them during the weekends. We would then share the holidays such that the children end up 50% with each parents on average during a given year.

She said that would be too disturbing to the children, and that they should have a home where they stay most of the time. She said she would keep the children and I would have them every other weekend and half the holidays. I can see she did a bit of research because that's a very standard arrangement! She said I could also come the weekend when I don't have the kids to see them.

That sounds OK on the surface, but I'm sure what she wants is that the kids feel like they live with her. I work as a freelancer, so I can adapt my working hours around the children needs. My 13 yo daughter is almost completely autonomous, and I can put my 2 yo son in a nursery during the day. In other words, we could swap roles without a problem: the kids live with me, and she has them every other weekend and half the holidays! I bet the court will be biased against me, though...

Any thought?
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#2
Your ex is entitled to some weekend time off, and your plan doesn't give her that, also she isn't seen as being involved in schooling maybe? The kids will definitely be seen as living with you and spending some holidays and weekends with their mum. Your plan works with the figures though, but not emotionally, have you asked your daughter what she wants?
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#3
(05-02-2018, 01:05 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Your ex is entitled to some weekend time off, and your plan doesn't give her that, also she isn't seen as being involved in schooling maybe? The kids will definitely be seen as living with you and spending some holidays and weekends with their mum. Your plan works with the figures though, but not emotionally, have you asked your daughter what she wants?

Hi Mr Sandman,

The emotional part is really what is driving my wife's suggestion, and I can certainly understand her position.

We didn't tell the kids yet. Would my daughter's opinion have any weight? I think it would be very stressful for her to be put under the spotlight, and asked (in a way) to choose which parent she wants to live with? (which is quite equivalent to: which parent she prefers)
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#4
If you can be flexible with your work then I strongly suggest a shared care proposal as you have just as much right to your children as she does. Plus if handled correctly you would be likely to get it if it went to court, unless there is something which we don’t yet know about which could influence things.

Try:

Week 1:
Mon after school – Thursday start of school (Mum 3 nights)
Thursday after school – Monday start of school (Dad 4 nights)

Week 2:
Mon after school – Thursday start of school (Dad 3 nights)
Thursday after school – Monday start of school (Mum 4 nights)

Holidays split evenly, or where this cant be achieved allow her the larger share by 1 day.
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#5
Goetia's suggestion is a good one - no reason why you can't be 50/50
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#6
Yes - Goetia has a good suggestion there....
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#7
(05-02-2018, 01:21 PM)Goetia Wrote: If you can be flexible with your work then I strongly suggest a shared care proposal as you have just as much right to your children as she does. Plus if handled correctly you would be likely to get it if it went to court, unless there is something which we don’t yet know about which could influence things.

Try:

Week 1:
Mon after school – Thursday start of school (Mum 3 nights)
Thursday after school – Monday start of school (Dad 4 nights)

Week 2:
Mon after school – Thursday start of school (Dad 3 nights)
Thursday after school – Monday start of school (Mum 4 nights)

Holidays split evenly, or where this cant be achieved allow her the larger share by 1 day.
Hi Goetia,

Thanks for the suggestion, that's essentially what I had in mind.

However, there is an issue with the 2yo, insofar as the 2 houses are somewhat far away from each other (about 20' drive without traffic). My teenage daughter is perfectly able to go to and from her school on her own. But for my son, where can the nursery/school be? Either I will have to drive a lot to bring him to/from nursery, or my wife will have to do it... Or maybe I sell the house and rent something closer?

Any idea?

BTW, thanks a lot everyone for your help here!

Hi All,

I did some calculations. If I can go to my STBXW house every other weekend from Friday evening to Monday morning, have the kids at my home the other weekends from Friday evening to Monday morning, and two third of holidays, they will be with me 50% of the time in a year.

That would suit me, and I think that would suit my STBXW as well.

How does that sound to you guys?
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