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I have one 6 year old Child with an ex, who has 3 kids in all.  Her other 2 were removed from her to the father due to drug/alcohol incidents. She knew what & what not to do by time that she had my baby , & sure enough she left without warning with the child leaving behind a trail of DV traps that I naively walked into . It took me 3 years to partially recovery , eventually getting contact Wednesday evenings to Thursday school & alternate weekends fri-mon. But my child wants to spend an equal share of time with his parents so i have made several applications to court . The district Judge has always ruled in favour of the mother & some decisions have been so bizarre I've begun to suspect his honesty. The next hearing is 4 July 18 & the mother is seeking my time be REDUCED . The judge is already displaying he is going to grant it despite no justification. My question is about the judge's integrity. I've already asked for a different judge which he refused.  Is there any idea anyone can suggest as to how I can get some reasonable impartiality from a court & judge that reek of corruption veiled with secrecy?
You are probably not helping by asking for another judge. A 6 year old wouldn't be able to have a say in how much time he/she spends with you.
However I have no doubt that your child thoroughly enjoys spending time thoroughly with you and when they enjoy themselves they say lovely things to you . you are actually getting very good contact already. a lot of people would love this amount of contact. When you go back to court make sure when you speak to judge you say OUR child rather than MY child and be completely child focused and that you would like to co - parent. I cant see a judge reducing your time as your ex would need very good reasons too. But trying to change the judge will have not got you off to the very best of starts.

If your time hasn't been reduced yet and you are still having them as normal , its highly unlikely anything will change at all. Theres a lot of people on here that their ex's refuse contact until court date and you are left in limbo with no contact Sad
I had the most bias Judge of all time recently. He openly admitted he was on the mother's side before she or I had even given evidence. The system is utterly unbeatable.
I remember walking out of court and thinking this sense of hopelessness is the reason Im entering the age bracket of such significant suicide statistics.
Bias in familly courts and the system is there, live and kicking.Ignore what the solicitors and barristers say when they claim there is no bias. If things were fair everybody would be happy and there is no money in it for them.

It is a system dominated with women and men in general only become concerned with it all when their lives are touched by it.

I was naive to think other wise to start with and it was a big blow when I saw how unfair the whole thing is. I now have learned to cope with it by accepting the injustice and just go along with the rules. What matters in the end is that you child will one day grow up and then nobody can tell them who they can or can not see.

My favourite quote in this article.

"The fact is, we live in a society where it is the accepted norm that women should demand equality in the public sphere, while maintaining special privileges in the private sphere.
And probably the most sacred of those privileges is motherhood, where the reproductive slogan, “my body my rights”, gives birth to a deep sense of lifelong entitlement that can be summed up in the maternal mantra, “my baby my rights”."

Personally I feel very bitter that we, as a society are bitching about a few pence difference in earnings when hundreds of thousands of parents are being estranged from their own flesh and blood. All under the misconception that mothers' need to be the main carer trumps the child's right to equal parents.
There can be bias throughout the system and it can be luck as to whar kind of Judge you get. Having said that, they tend to stick with the existing set up and not change things substantially unless there are welfare issues, and they probably think you already have reasonable division of time of EOW and a midweek night. It's difficult when it's been a while for a pattern - I had the same issue asking for more time - one extra night was feasible but 50/50 was seen as taking child away from regular time with Mother (unofficially) - even though I had informally had about 50/50 for a few years but it was only recorded as 70/30.

It seems strange that, rather than listen to what children want - they stick with what the situation already is. Is your EOW from Friday after school to Monday return to school? If so you have about 60/40 already - plus half school holidays? And if ex isn't agreeable ......

What have you asked for in current application? It does no harm to ask for more and pull back to just slightly more. However I think if you want to try and get this nailed, you should consider getting a good barrister. Firstly they will advise you from the outset what you are likely to get and what the chances of the different options are. Secondly they can present case law to a Judge that a Judge has to follow.

They also cost money. I used a good barrister at last hearing - cost about £4,000. You can get a direct access barrister and save on solicitors fees though. Might be worth asking on here for a recommendation in your area - I did and had a good recommendation. Some barristers aren't so good (my ex's for example :-)).

Your argument for the change needs to be very persuasive and more than just that son wants to (they probably think all parents say that and they will also consider a 6 year old not able to know what they want - but of course they do sometimes).

My barrister actually negotiated a consent order (the other side wanted to negotiate because I had a strong case against her but there was also a risk of going ahead with a full hearing - nothing was certain so I went with the negotiated agreement even though I still only have 4 nights a fortnight but it is on the basis that son "lives with both parents" rather than living with the Mother. So in future that stands me in better stead apparently. Sometimes you only get small gains, but it sets a precedent for a future hearing.

I think at the back of it is the whole damned child support issue. Mothers don't want you to have more time because they get less money. Even some Judges look at it as a Father just trying to reduce child support payments - or stop paying them - because with 50/50 no-one pays it. Didn't count in my case as i pay more than I'm assessed for.

I would get a recommendation for a good barrister, deal directly with them (needs to be a direct access barrister) and even if you only gain one extra night and "lives with both parents" it makes a difference. But you need an argument for the "lives with both parents" too. My Barrister said my case was a paradigm for it due to the Mother's attitude.
This was going to be my argument for lives with both, if I got to take the stand. Never did so never used it. I especially like this because its true, from my heart and therefore easy to get the point across.

Over my life I've seen significant movements in societal attitudes like racism and homophobia, currently we are seeing a significant movement in gender equality. Its something I take seriously as it will have a profound affect on my daughter as she grows into adulthood. Its important for her to know how to treat others, and how she should expect to be treated. This has to start with an example from her own mother and father who must treat each other as equal parents.
Its also important for my daughter to learn that domination over another person provides short term gratification, but damages ones ability to form fulfilling long term relationships. I hope the court will allow us to set the example, by showing our daughter that her parents, homes and respective families are, in fact, equally loving and committed to her.

My ex is a megalomaniac who wants me to jump through hoops that she has no intention of abiding by herself and there was plenty of proof. Otherwise such a bullish statement might be seen as the parents need for equality rather than the childs. I guess we'll never know.
Hear hear Naive - well said. It is so important to teach them right and wrong and values.

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