Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
To stay or leave the new father?!
OK, I will try and keep it short. 

I have been with my partner for over a year now. We also dated many years ago when we were younger, so have some history!

My partner became a father 7 months ago, barely knows the mother, was going to break up with her but found out she was pregnant. Eventually he ended it. Then I turned up and he asked for a chance to be together. 

Beginning of relationship I said I counldnt live in this country forever. As I am from another!!!He agreed to this and asked for some time to sort things out....

However, now, he has said he would never forgive himself if he left. He wants me to stay and have a life and family with him. This would mean basically giving up all my family and friends, career, opportunities, comfort, culture provided at home. But I love him dearly and want a life with him. He has repeatedly said if it were not for this child he we would already be in my country. It has completely messed with my head and also my heart. I have been grieving for months about the baby and possibly grieving for what could have been and a life in my country. We recently went and he loved it and said he could live there and we could move there soon. Now he says he can not and won't leave. 

I am willing to compromise... He has simply said he can't ever leave now. I am confused, scared, frightened. He is my best friend and love of my life!

He can't visualise or consider a life with me and his child in it. He doesn't want to be a distant dad. Do dads make it work who live in different countries?

I have maintained we could strive for two homes and that meets the needs for the all of us. He doesn't think that would work, I have a great deal of faith we could make it work, we have come through some difficult times and are still together. 

Anyone know of similar situations?
Any body?
This is not a very easy question to answer.

If you were to move away now the child barely knows him and to do as you wish he needs to have a relationship with the child estabilised so that they child/Dad bond survives what would perhaps be less frequent contact.

It would also be costly, flying back and forth, maintaining two homes, paying child maintenance etc. That all adds up to a lot of stress on a person.

The child won’t always be young.

What I would do is let him build a steady and reliable relationship with the child first before you even consider moving to your country.

However such is the way things are for many Dads his ex may turn out to be a nightmare and he may never get to have the relationship with the child that he wants.

You do have to admire him for wanting a relationship with his child.
Can’t ask a man to leave the country his child lives in. You just can’t because he won’t choose you.
Yeah sorry but youre clutching at straws. No a parent cant make it work from different countries, definitely not at that age.
Two choices, leave him and go home or stay with him and go for plenty of holidays to your home country.
Honestly, nothing else will work.
When I returned from living in China I tried to make it work with my Chinese partner and it lasted only 6 months and simply dragged out the inevitable.
Sorry to add to the additional negative replies but you need to stay here or end the relationship. It is wrong to expect a parent to leave their child. He will invariably lose contact with the child, and the child will be deprived of a father. The child will quite possibly grow up thinking that they aren't good enough, and so their father moved to another country. If he were to move with you, he would probably be resentful that the situation has deprived him of his child, and this will poison your relationship over time.

All three of you - you, him, and his child deserve better than that.
You can't expect him to move away from his child, and nor can he expect you to stick around away from your family and career

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)