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newbie looking for advice on many issues
#1
hi everyone sorry about whats about to be a long winded post, I'm new here and need some urgent advice on various subjects.

me and my partner of 12 year separated in febuary and with in 2 days she was with her new partner (she was cheating on me with him), now since that day she has tried ti force our children to meet her new partner.

my daughter is 10 years old and maintains at present she is not ready to meet her mums new partner and the mother keeps trying to blackmail her, emotionally bully her into meeting him.  how do i stand about this? as when my daughter tells me this i simply say thats ok you do not have to meet him until you are ready but they are trying to say that i am using emotional blackmail by saying that?

now i also have a 3 year old son, who also says he doesn't want to meet him, i think this is simply following his sister but again how do i stand on this matter?

im also looking for financial advice, when we separated we agreed a fee per month for the children and i also pay the nursery fees, daughters school dinners, take them out places 2 times a week and also spend several other evenings with them for a few hours.  at present i have them monday 3.45 till 6 , wednesday 3 till 6 , friday 3 till 5 , every other saturday or sunday.  as of next week they will also staying over with me at my new house every other friday till sunday..  now i feel that as 3 evenings a week i feed them dinner and then on the weekend i feed them lunch/dinner there should be a reduction in  money given to her? i feel i have them more than her which I'm happy about but she is the one who claims all the benefits for them plus i pay her  but not sure where i stand?

now also in regard to them starting to stay with me she is demanding to know my new address, I'm reluctant to give this to her because her new partner and i have had words and a few weeks ago he made threats to me and i feel i could become intimidated in my new home when kids aren't here by him and his friends, anyone know if i legally have to give her address?
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#2
If they are staying overnight at yours it would be the right thing to do and give their mum your address. Also if someone really wanted to find your address they could I suppose anyway by following you and your children ( not suggesting this would happen). If you don't pay what you agreed with her I guess she could start preventing contact which would leave you not seeing your children for months, she may or may not do this. I do think you should just pay an agreed fee for children and she can then sort nursery and school dinners as like you say you are also paying when u take them out and they are staying overnight. not sure how much u pay but u can type your earning into a child maintenance calculator as a guideline to see if you are paying too much. Incase it turns nasty make sure you don't have any arguments with your ex or her partner in front of your children as they could use that against you..lots of ex like to claim domestic violence.

Least you are seeing your children loads and I hope it remains this way.
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#3
thank you for your quick reply yes i have checked the calculator and am paying over the odds of whats required of me plus nursery fees etc on top.

i thought i should give her new address nut I'm concerned that her new partner follwojg his threats to me recently will be given the address, and as he's a heavy drug user and alcoholic he likes to make threats which i ignore but if he has address then could turn up and it seems they always try to turn his threats into me causing problems .
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#4
Your ex wont be staying very long with him then will he. best thing to do is don't rise to any threats and remain calm and child focused . do however get a notebook and log all threats or bad behaviour as you never know when u may need t,his at a later date. If you can you want to try and get children from a neutral place ie school for example so you have as little to do with them as possible.

I would definitely consider paying an amount that's more fair but try and do it in the most amicable way as possible. Just say you cant afford it and you would like to just pay a one off payment. Also if her new partner is running you down wont be long before your 10 year old daughter will take a disliking to him. Worst thing is when children hear parents running the other parent down as its very upsetting for them .
best to remain calm and talk to a friend or rant on here .

I been going through family courts for last 3 years and still going and wont even go into all the things my ex is doing to me. rather be in your situation for sure than mine currently Smile
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#5
If she is on benefits she will get help with nursery fees. Stop paying over the odds.

Non resident parents get NO help with child costs for contact so why would you pay over and above what you should? Non resident parents are treated unjustly.

Be prepared to get a non molestation order taken out on the new bf if you feel it is needed. That would keep him away from your place.
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#6
Pay all you are legally required to and stuff her.

I pay half of swimming / beavers and football.

Yet does she pay anything toward karate costs which I do ? ofcourse not.
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#7
Pay your CMS at the rate your supposed to. Tell social services if you have concerns about this guy (I would) , record any threats but don’t worry overt. Report them if needed. It’s going to be ok mate Smile
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