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Help with Unreasonable Ex
Hi All,

Wonder if someone can help me and shed some light on what I should do next! Its a long post!

My ex ran off with another guy back in February leaving me with her son and our son for the weekend after a red eye flight back from the US. She just announced it was over and walked out! Great eh.

She finally came back on the Monday, on the Tuesday she announced she had been with this guy all weekend. It caused me to have a break down. I left the house to go and get some space and get me head straight.

We were never married, but were together 6 years.

I moved in with my brother, anyhow three days after me moving out I drove past the house and there was a BMW on the driveway, I went in the our house (joint mortgage) as she was out and the fridge was full of beer and food. I knew this car belonged to this other guy. Anyhow she was using my car and I was running around in hers. So after seeing the car I made a call to her and told her I was taking my car back and was only going to pay 1/2 the mortgage and bills from now on. Initially I was paying everything and I was wondering why there were so many huge bills from the supermarket now I know why.

The next morning I was due to collect my son, she handed me my son, and I started to go upstairs to get some socks. She stood at the top of the stairs to stop me, and I pointed out it was my house as well and I could go where I wanted. The next thing she tells me I can no longer have our son as it was not arranged.

A few days go by, and I get a call from the police about a voluntary interview, which turned out she was accusing me of ABH. There was an incident back in 2015 when she had really wound me up that I grabbed her wrists to restrain her and try and calm her down. She never reported it but kept threatening it. Anyhow the police dropped the case as it was common assault rather than ABH.

I then got a summons for court for an anti-mollestation order, she tried a without notice order but the courts turned it down. So I went to court with my legal representation, the court told my ex that her 24 pages of evidence was rubbish and that she could pursue it further but it would be in 6 months and she was likely to loose. Anyhow we made an agreement on days for me to see our son.

Every Wednesday - Pickup from nursery drop back at nursery the next morning.
Every other Fri/Sat dropping him back at the house for 17.30.

So three weeks later, she is asking me about paying nursery fees again, even getting the nursery to email me as he is no longer going to nursery as we cannot afford it. When we were together we could not afford nursery with the mortgage / bills etc. As soon as we split she has put him into nursery and he loves it.

However she wants me to pay half the nursery fees which ~ £700 each. She is not working and looking for a job. I am paying half the mortgage for a house I don't live in and not allowed to access as the order says I cannot go on the driveway, and the ex has illegally changed the locks. I am also paying rental on my flat that I have moved into. I keep telling her I have no more money.

I am paying the CMS and 1/2 the mortgage. So she has now taken to breaking the order and with holding me from my son and making the decision I can see him twice a month, she has done this on various times when she is not getting anywhere and also did this to her Ex Husband all the time with their son.

I have an agreement from the court regarding the child care arrangements, but it says 'In the Interim and without prejudice to any Children Act 1989 application that either party may make'

Now she has just decided that she can change that order by way of an email to me? Hardly seems fair if she can do this what is the point of an order? All she is interested in is money and not our son seeing me.

So after all that background above, I want to get a proper Child Order put in place and am looking at the C100 form. Can I do this without my solicitor as the costs are just ramping up, or would I be advised to use a solicitor to get this order in place?

If it was me messing around I feel it would be a completely different story with me getting a penal notice etc.

I am sure a few of you on here have been through similar and can offer some advice.


You are contributing to nursery fees via Child Maintenance. It’s not your bill. CMS payments are deemed fully inclusive.

If she gets a job and therefore working tax credits she will get up to 70% of nursery fees covered by the state. She won’t get any assistance whilst not working. No need for the child to be in a paid nursery if she isn’t working.

You can self represent at court and to save on legal costs. Lots and lots of advice to be had on this forum so read as much as you can. You also need lots of evidence so keep records of everything even if it is something minor and most importantly keep calm and walk away from any aggro as it will all be used against you.

Child order or not often ex’s will still try and lay down the law where the child is concerned. Only 1.2% of orders are enforced sadly.

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